This is my second post and my first new writing since I returned from my four-day semi-silent retreat. I guess being in silence made me rest my posting for a while. Also getting back to work straight after the retreat has left me with too little time for digestion and reflection. But, now here I am again, writing a short blog post for you.

As summer is sadly closing and days of full rest are going to be fewer, I may also start posting less than I have done these last two months. I am happy to see though, that this summer has brought some more attention to my posts and a few new people are following my blog. Yet, I ask myself, why did I start blogging?

I guess there are many reasons behind my blogging. One is that this is really an outlet for my continuous spiritual search and findings. I have a deep desire still for truth and my inner yearning for a deep spiritual life is as strong as ever. And I have had a thought that sharing something from my life could become helpful to others. So, sharing for serving, is a reason for my blogging.

Secondly, a reason for my blogging is that this is me finding my voice in this world. Having left my church over the issue of my positive and inclusive attitude for gay people, and having no permanent church where I can share my testimony, this blog has become that testimony even more than before. Earlier I was hesitant about blogging because “everyone” else were doing it, so how would my writing make any difference? Yet, I have decided, that particularly in my home country Norway, my blogging can make a small difference.

Finally, during and after my retreat I have also recognized and realized even more than before a trait I am less proud of, which is my need to be seen, a need for attention. Being an enneagram 4 this means I am a person that would like to be seen as one-of-a-kind and some kind of an expert. My expertise here then must be my knowledge of the contemplative life.

So, why I am I blogging, and should I continue or should I just quit? If the third reason for my blogging was the only one, and really was overshadowing everything else, I really should stop right now. I really then should seriously consider what I am doing here, and maybe find something better to do. A blog like this, should never be or become a show-off, because that is only selfish, a true ego-worship. And even though I am human and far from perfect, this blog must be for something else than my own gratification.

This blog is mainly about the contemplative life, as in the parts that I have come to know it. Along with that comes other stories about ideas, feelings, and wisdom for life. That is also what I think the blog is to be about in the future as well. That is, if I continue blogging.

I am truly dreaming of and hoping for a future, where the contemplative path, across religious differences, can become a path of peace, reconciliation, forgiveness and love. The world we are living in today are filled with war, grief and suffering. I pray for Ukraine and Russia, for Israel and Palestine and for Sudan and Iran, among many other. If my blog can play a tiny, tiny part in future of mystical development for a better and more peaceful world and for better lives with less torture of evil, I will keep this blog alive. I realize how trivial that sounds, compared to the suffering I just referred too, so please forgive me.

The retreat has reminded me of an important lesson. That is to really check your motives, for why you are doing what you are doing. I think that goes for everything. In our service to people, are we truly serving in love, or are we really serving ourselves? I must continuously keep a check on my motives, and without getting trapped in self-condemnation, which is another wrong direction, I hope I can grow into pure motives and true love for the Divine and other people.

Thank you again for reading. I would truly be blessed if you would share some of your thoughts on my reflections. How does the topic of motives relate to your life? Where are you, and where are you going in the life that you continuously grow into? Bless you, and may Divine Light shine within you and upon you in the coming days.