Dark times

You see

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You see when life hurts a lot
You see when I grieve
Grieving over the time that has been, and that cannot come back

When I have no strength and cannot fight anymore, you carry me
That I must believe

You see when what once gave meaning and joy, does not do so anymore
What was worth spending time on before, has lost its shine

You see the pain, the pain of life
You see how the heart bursts of longing
Longing for you and for love

You see when tears come
You see when tears press on and begins flowing
You see longings, loss and pain

You see when I need to breathe
You see when something must die
You see, I am not alone

You see the way I and we should walk
You see where we started and you see where it leads

You see my face, my eyes, my soul
You see me in my innermost
You see my heart

You see when I try to explain, and others do not understand the way I walk
You see when I want to convince, but cannot

You see what no one else sees
You see the depths, you see my soul
You see the soul that wants to break boundaries and breathe in freedom

You see when life needs more nourishment through friendship, fellowship and shared thoughts and ideas

You see when one wants what is experienced as meaningful
And hopes the other can find more joy in some of it

You see when what is for freedom and peace for one, creates fear in the other one
You see the one who thinks one has got something, and the other who is afraid of losing something

To find something one must be able to lose something or embrace and at the same time include

You see it hurts when the other says one cannot follow you on the way
You see when I think I have to go alone

You see the hearts that want what’s good for others and themselves
You see the hearts in their every thing

You see and love what and who you see
Face to face you love
You see us as we are
Still you love us

You see me when I’m about to fall asleep
When another day is over and a new day soon will be welcomed

You see, so that it brings light to our hearts and souls
Your gaze can warm us when love has little room

You see everything
You see it as it is
That’s just how it is
Your gaze never leaves me

Times of Transformation

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Butterfly

Keeping a journal can be a good thing, both as a helpful tool in your own processes and also as words and sentences to reread later, when you have moved on, and understand your writing from a new and different perspective.

In rereading my own journals I some times find nuggets of wisdom and also description of a life I later see that I have grown through.

In particularly difficult times when the road ahead is very unclear, when the struggle in a day is almost to hard to bear, that’s when I become poetic. I guess it’s because poetic language is open, there is more of of imagination and feelings than clarity of mind.

Later, in rereading some of these more poetic reflections and wanderings, I find glimpses of poems, words and sentences that now speak to me in another, deeper and also clearer way. What I earlier only got in glimpses and wrote in imaginative and poetic language, I am now more able to describe in precise prose.

The reason it’s a different experience looking back and reread old words and poems journaled in dark times, is because life now tells me I made it through. What a blessing that is, when you see that the dark times, no matter how dark they were, brought forth new light in your life! This is because the difficult days were times of transformation.

The next few poems and posts that I will share in the days to come, will be some glimpses from some of these darker times. I share them in the hope they may speak to your heart as well, since in being human we often share the same or similar experience.

It would warm my heart if you would share at times which words express something you are going through or have experienced. I would love to hear from some of my readers in the days to come. And please, if there is something in particular you find to your liking, please share the post with some of your friends. I hope the future posts will be small blessings to some people out there, in the big and often lonely world we all live in. Be blessed.

In order to experience the joy

you need to accept the sadness

In order to be filled you need

to know you are empty

Divine Blindness

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Open Eyes

Is it not true? That there is a season for everything as the Old Book tells us? Everything is continually changing and transforming. Life is flowing in dynamical ways. And you and I and we get to partake in this eternal flow of life. It is tricky, it is sad, it is so full of grief, yet so full of longing, joy, beauty and creativity.

The winter time, in real life and spiritually too, can be a dark and cold time, a time of hiding in the quietness. Yet also, this time of coldness and dying, is a preparation, a silent growing of new lifeflow. There can be great pain in the dying which is part of a new creation.

I love the story of the prodigal son in the New Testament, particularly the phrase, ‘then he came to himself’. Dying and renewal is painful, but also a transformation into new ways of seeing. This deep dive into dark mystery can create a new sense of aliveness and a deeper joy.

But again, the grief, the pain can be very dark. It can feel like all hope is lost. You feel lost at sea, with no shore in sight. I am reminded by Paul’s blindness after the bright revelation of Jesus on the road to Damascus. He could not see for several days. But there was a divine working taking place deep within him. This was not a time for his ordinary senses, only a time for transformational blindness.

Somewhere in the prophet book of Isaiah it is said that God will tell us secrets in the dark times. Maybe in days of darkness we are divinely blinded? You may feel like you shut down for a time, but is it only for change and renewal to take hold?

Does this make sense to you? Do you believe in change and transformation? Can you trust that along with the pain there is also a rebirth of new life? Could it be that when our eyes eventually are opened we are in for a great surprise?

Blessings to you!

Hope – What if…

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Hope displayed by Anemone flowers

What if I tell you there is hope, there is always hope? Would you blame me for just conveying the biggest cliché? The all-time-high lie that we tell people when they’re suffering and can’t find their way through the wilderness of sorrow? But what if, what if it is true?

The worrying monkey-mind often keeps repeating these terrible and fear inspiring “what ifs”. What if this is what he thinks of me? What if I am going to die from an awful disease? What if the plane falls down? What if I won’t pass this exam? What if I am going to loose my job? What if I can’t find help for my problem? What if there is no goodness in this world? What if, what if, what if….constantly repeating.

Another cliché is, yes, I have been there too. Like that’s very comforting in the middle of the deepest pain? And maybe it’s just something people say anyway to give others some false comfort, or even in order to turn the focus on themselves when the other person is the one truly suffering? But again, what if it’s true?

What if there is hope? What if I have been there? What if I’ve been to this really dark place where I had no hope of returning to the living? Would you believe me if I told you about it? Would it be an important message to you if you are the one now that has gone all dark?

I am telling you, whispering softly and shouting loudly again, THERE IS HOPE!! Yes, I’ve been there, and yes, I have returned, even though I didn’t think it was possible. I gave up everything, but something brought me deeply back to life. Back to colors and back to the joy of living.

Now I am sensing this energy breaking barriers within, and this river flowing again from within to without. Now I want to express myself and share the good news! If you will listen, dear, beloved, of God. There is hope! There is I way through! I know some of you don’t think so. I did too. But was surprised by the help I found. Reach out, and next maybe to your complete surprise, you’ll find new life from within and all around.

Blessings and new light to you, as you journey true your deep pain and darkness. There will be light again! There is hope! Always!

PS! Reading other posts on this blog, may partly help you find your way. This blog has followed me through later life, and what I share here is mostly from my own experience or inner longing.