No answers? Deconstructing?

I share a part of a poem I wrote some time ago (minor changes and restructuring before publishing). Maybe the poem is about a time of deconstruction? When we experience what some would call a time of deconstruction the hope is that later there will be a time of new construction. Richard Rohr writes about the universal pattern of order, disorder and reorder (https://cac.org/the-universal-pattern-2020-08-09/). We may have to go through times of suffering, deconstruction and disorder. But when this happens we are also given a chance to give up old ways of living or thinking, in order to experience new growth and freedom in our lives.

EMPTY (part one)

I am empty

At least I feel so

This is a dark time

A time when it is very difficult to see

I feel almost nothing

Just a hollow pain inside

I am saddened

By my lack of love for self and others

I feel empty

For how long have I been emptied

Hardly any joy

I can not force it any more

Will I go crazy

Or will I become free

I don’t know now

Only that there is a deep hollow sorrow

I can not necessarily spiritualize what I am going through

But I will remind myself

That Jesus had to drink the cup he feared

On the cross he also felt completely lost

And away from his Father’s love

I do not know

But I want to trust

Rather than giving up on life

I give up walking in my own strength

Without feeling anything

I let go of my answers and ideas

Because now I have none

Mother and my Loneliness

Mother and son (hope)

I guess I have let her carry my loneliness all this time

Now she has been taken ill and hardly remembers herself and me

Crying and a lot of tears

I have to carry my own loneliness now

I have to own it myself

Part of being human is also the experience of loneliness

A longing for true union with man and God

Now I carry this loneliness of mine

I have taken it back from her

This is not her burden anymore

Maybe I am also better at carrying my own burden now

Thank you for carrying it for so long

For making life bearable also in the darkest of times

Now I will continue this journey through loneliness on my own

Embracing my loneliness

My longing for union

Sometimes I will be carrying her

Silent Truth

Truth

Truth is revealed in silence

Truth is received in silence

Truth lives in the silence within

Truth will find its way when you listen

Truth asks you to be true to yourself

Truth will be revealed when needed

Truth is revealed in silence

Truth is to be trusted and received

Truth helps you to let go of what is not true

Truth eventually creates freedom

Truth grows from within

Truth is revealed in silence

Silent Truth

Alone, you think

Heart aflame

In your mind you think yourself alone

You think you are alone

You’re thinking all love is gone

You’re restless in your aloneness

Nevertheless

What your longing for is not for some person to give

Rather it is for you to surrender and receive

It is there even when you think yourself alone

What you think is gone

Is for your heart to see