Dark times

Time of Disorder

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Dear friend,

It could be that you are experiencing one of the most difficult things one can experience in one’s life-journey, precisely that the entire bedrock beneath you is faltering and perhaps falling apart? Perhaps you are experiencing a weightless state without fixed points of reference? This is not an easy weightlessness, because experiencing the ground beneath you giving way can be very frightening and painful. It is comforting to know that this is not abnormal, no matter how frightening it seems. It could be that you are experiencing the dark night of the soul, where nothing seems to give meaning, nourishment or joy?

So what does this require of you? Perhaps nothing but the most difficult, namely to endure it, as long as it lasts. This has an end, it has an exit into something new. Perhaps you now learn to trust, trust in the life that has been given you? You may not be experiencing peace, but rather unrest, which is not so strange when everything is turned upside down. Yet, you are going through a change, a metamorphosis in liminal space, and you don’t know where it ends. You are on the threshold of something new.

This is a time of great disorder. It hurts, and you can experience a lot of fear. Jesus was also afraid in the Garden of Gethsemane. Yet he chose to drink the cup he had been given. This he did to fulfill the Higher will. Later he would find the light of resurrection, which he could not see at the time.

Look for someone who can support you, carry the burden with you, and be with you where you are now. Don’t just stay there alone, it can be too much to bear. There is love both around you and within you. Surrender to both, and you will find YOUR way through this time of disorder. ❤️

Dark Side – Part Two

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Trace your dark side

Face your dark side

Embrace your dark side

To find how deeply you are loved

*

To overcome evil

You have to see it in your heart

Then you will see how little you have won

Through the evil you have done

*

Facing the evil within you

It is freeing

Since there is nothing left to defend

You truly know you depend

On a Love and a forgiveness

For yourself first

Dark Side – Part One

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Not being able to truly love and accept others in their imperfect and beautiful state is deeply connected to not loving ourselves fully. The rejection felt from others could be a mirroring of your own rejection of yourself. Seeing your own darkness, even evil, can be surprisingly freeing. When you truly see “it all”, and you contemplate your dark side, you find there is nothing to defend anymore. This is also when you see that you are in need of forgiveness, and also need to continuously forgive yourself and love yourself in spite of some evil tendencies lurking within.

Even so, I am still wondering whether the evil in us can be pure evil per se, or if it’s always just a distortion that creates these moods, motives and reactionary patterns? As for myself, I do want to, actually have to, and even need to believe that at the far deepest level, there is only love, pure love. But is it so? Do I need to realize that the evil I find actually is evil? For now, and maybe forever, I choose to believe love is the transcending force.

My point here today is anyhow that it is liberating to embrace your darkness and the evil you face within, not to become more evil and do evil, but in order to tackle rejection better. Seeing it, makes you realize that you are not all pure and nice, and then you can accept this fact. This can be a true and good humiliation I think, since it helps you tolerate others’ smaller or greater weaknesses better. I am not at all supporting evil and definitely not the evil of abuse and violence in different forms, but I am saying that accepting, forgiving and then loving yourself is what helps you grow into love of others.

There is also a Divine love within and all around. This is the Beauty that saves us inspite of the evil we find within and without. Peace 🦋🙏

Dream of Flooding

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He is sitting in the deep forest
Looking at three big bookcases towering towards the sky
Suddenly the left bookcase starts trembling
It crashes head down into the forest’s floor making the other cases fall

He has escaped to this hill nearby
Just in time before great waves of water flood the place
The great bookcases are lost in the water
He escaped it together with her

They are standing there on this hill above the water
The water rises and suddenly currents overcome him
She is standing there as a pillar at the top of the hill
Not taken by the tumultuous waters

The currents and waves of water bring him to the side of the hill
And then down on the side
Down
Down
Down
At an ever increasing speed

She is still standing firmly on the hill
Waters all around but she is not overcome
He is lost down on the side
Brought down by a river of tremendous power

His world has fallen
Now only the deep waters know
What is to come
And what role she is to play

Treasure

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A wise man said, where your heart is, that’s where your treasure is. Ponder those words today. Think about, where is your heart? Where is your fear? Where is your joy? Even, who are you, really, deepest within?

Carl Jung said, where your fear is that’s where your task is. I believe sometimes our fear, our joy and our heart’s yearnings are closely knit together.

I remember as a teenager I was thinking deeply about the nature of man’s and my own heart. I asked myself, am I good or am I evil, deepest within. It was a difficult and painful question to ask. Especially when there were no wise guides around to discuss the question with me.

This idea of maybe being evil brought a lot of worry and anxiety into my life early on. I have spent much of my life figuring out the answer to this question. And fortunately I have met some wise guides on this difficult path. It took a while for me to realize that what had been dark in my life, would show me my path and my own heart.

Some of my guides were wise authors, other were people I met at different stages of my life. I thank God for bringing these guides, both in written form, and through friendships. Without these sharers of wisdom I would have been at a very different place today, yes, maybe even dead.

Growing up in the Pentecostal church has brought me both joys and scars. I am a person inclined to trust people, whether they are pastors, preachers, authors or friends. But of course this has meant being burnt many times. And yes, that is life, the pain of life.

Fortunately growing through my pain and sorrow, both through my own effort, and with a “little help from my friends” has helped me grow and transform. Now I don’t only hear a preacher talk about the love of God or The Divine. Now I do know it from my own experience.

We shouldn’t underestimate the power of experience, both the bad and the good experiences. Deep thinking and experience are powerful motors. Especially if these are combined with some good reading, good conversations, even pain and sorrow and eventually a bit of silence.

Readers of my blog have probably realised that I am a supporter and follower of the contemplative way, the way of sitting in silence with an intention. Being silent with the intention of letting thoughts rest, and being open to a deeper awareness have helped me connect to my deepest within.

And what have I found? Let med tell you, please read it slowly. This is the treasure I have found walking through my darkness, valleys and from sitting in silence:

This treasure is

Love

Yes, this treasure is

Love

Inside out! Yes, read it again!

This treasure is

Love

New Visions

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Now is a time for dreams unfolding

Thoughts and feelings unloading

It is a time for new visions

In fires and through darkness these seeds have grown

Former flowers were burnt to ashes

New seeds were sown

These seeds have grown into form

New visions for times to come

An unfolding of quiet glory

It is bliss transmuted from darkness

Bright darkness had blinded you

Yet now, your thorns have been removed

Your eyes have healed

And sight will return

24 Hour Hermit

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Sunday morning

Alone at the cottage

Alone with myself

God and the wind

Got here last night

Tired and frustrated

Discouraged

I have wounded and been wounded

Had some baggage with me

Very tired

Feeling accused

Need to sort these feelings out

Longing for connection

Feeling betrayed and criticized

Not able to live up to others’ expectations

Neither my own

Longing for friendship

Fellowship

Space to breathe in

A need for passion

For now I am in hiding

From everyone and everything

Yet not from God

Not from myself

Tears build up and escape

In waves

I sense a change

Maybe I am just getting more tired

Some people prefer speed and action

To me relationships come first

Some people love the doing

I am more into human being

I hear the wind howling

It is raining

The Fall has fallen

I am ready to pray

I cry out to the Lord

My God and Creator

The One who loves me

Calls me their Beloved

You my God

I thank you because you see

You see us in our existence

You see us in our wilderness

You experience our joy

Our pain

Longing and sorrow

Allways there

I live with You

You live in me

I breathe your life

My innermost is You

In our deepest longing

You are there

Deep within us

And all around

You who lives in all

Given us all your life

I call upon you

Longing to be near you

The rain is hammering

Good to be inside

Alone

Yet together

My God is here

The Divine

My all my life

My call

I desire guidance

To live from within

I am ready

Now

The rain stops

It is silent

Very silent

I am in the waiting

Living From Center

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I am contemplating living from the center. By center I mean living from your true self as some like to call it. You may also call it the Seat of Self. It is the center were mystics of all religions and spiritual traditions meet. This center is what helps me “see” that I as a Christian have a lot in common with a Sufis and a Kabbalists. Even though there are many things I don’t know about those other traditions.

I think it is very helpful for people at different stages in their lives to truly see and find their center. This center which can be found within us, is something other than our ego, thoughts and feelings. The more we live from this center and “look out” from it, the more we realise what’s important in our lives and relationships. When we relate to ourselves in this way, it helps us accept and relate to others and the world in a calmer and more genuine and even forgiving way.

I have chosen this image above for many reasons. First of all, and reason enough in itself, was that I found it very beautiful. Secondly, I liked the way the flower was darker on its edges and brighter in the center. It works as a symbol for the spiritual life, yes even as a symbol for the human life. Living through our darkness reveals to us more and more what we need to see to truly live from our hearts, our deepest selves.

Living in the darkness of one of those flower petals can be a terrible experience. The petal is great as well, so can the dark times be. For some these darker times become dark nights of senses and the soul, as John of the Cross wrote so fervently about.

In Buddhism I believe there are expressions like bright darkness or luminous darkness. And even as a Christian I think that is a beautiful description. What seems to be the darkest of night may reveal healing truths so night is transformed into the brightest of day. After the deepest darkness there can be an experience of great light, even joy and bliss.

I believe that if more people started to practice sitting in silence or for example practice centering prayer, they would eventually find and see the beautiful truth of living from center, or living from a different center than we normally do. That is, living from our deepest Self, which is Love, instead of our ego and very often reactive feelings and thoughts.

If you were to lay aside the thoughts and feelings stirring for a few minutes in silence during your day, this may be very difficult, but yet you may also be in for a beautiful surprise. But beware, you may have to pass through long stretches of darkness, sorrow and pain, to find this bright shining Light! For the darkness is always luminous. Blessings to you on your journey!

You see

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You see when life hurts a lot
You see when I grieve
Grieving over the time that has been, and that cannot come back

When I have no strength and cannot fight anymore, you carry me
That I must believe

You see when what once gave meaning and joy, does not do so anymore
What was worth spending time on before, has lost its shine

You see the pain, the pain of life
You see how the heart bursts of longing
Longing for you and for love

You see when tears come
You see when tears press on and begins flowing
You see longings, loss and pain

You see when I need to breathe
You see when something must die
You see, I am not alone

You see the way I and we should walk
You see where we started and you see where it leads

You see my face, my eyes, my soul
You see me in my innermost
You see my heart

You see when I try to explain, and others do not understand the way I walk
You see when I want to convince, but cannot

You see what no one else sees
You see the depths, you see my soul
You see the soul that wants to break boundaries and breathe in freedom

You see when life needs more nourishment through friendship, fellowship and shared thoughts and ideas

You see when one wants what is experienced as meaningful
And hopes the other can find more joy in some of it

You see when what is for freedom and peace for one, creates fear in the other one
You see the one who thinks one has got something, and the other who is afraid of losing something

To find something one must be able to lose something or embrace and at the same time include

You see it hurts when the other says one cannot follow you on the way
You see when I think I have to go alone

You see the hearts that want what’s good for others and themselves
You see the hearts in their every thing

You see and love what and who you see
Face to face you love
You see us as we are
Still you love us

You see me when I’m about to fall asleep
When another day is over and a new day soon will be welcomed

You see, so that it brings light to our hearts and souls
Your gaze can warm us when love has little room

You see everything
You see it as it is
That’s just how it is
Your gaze of love never leaves me