The fire within
a powerful force
Able to destroy and
to mend
My ego
in fearful tricks
tries to make it
bow
–
This fiery force
makes my ego go for
a smile
Hide the fire and
let it go
At least not let it
show
–
The fire within
my truth to live
Is not to be hid
in fear
and in illusion
There to be real
To act
In this
now
–
The strength of fire
A life meant to be
Not to be quenched
in the falseness of ego
May I hold it
gently
Refined in contemplation
flow
I am enduring a tension
within myself
awaiting and longing for
the birth of
something new
–
I am embracing all parts
the light and the dark
I see more now
Yet I am blind to
what is still to become
–
I am drinking from
solitude
Soul arises from within
I trust the waiting
Untie this knot within me
Shadow and Soul swallow me whole
Reveal to me what true is
In the untying of the knot within me
make me whole
The greatest gift
To give yourself
In spite of all
In all
Through all
Is
Acceptance
What you long for outside
You must offer yourself from inside
Acceptance
Space
Embrace
The whole of yourself
I open myself to
trust You
The Divine
which is within me
At the core is
Your goodness
which is also mine
Dear friend,
It could be that you are experiencing one of the most difficult things one can experience in one’s life-journey, precisely that the entire bedrock beneath you is faltering and perhaps falling apart? Perhaps you are experiencing a weightless state without fixed points of reference? This is not an easy weightlessness, because experiencing the ground beneath you giving way can be very frightening and painful. It is comforting to know that this is not abnormal, no matter how frightening it seems. It could be that you are experiencing the dark night of the soul, where nothing seems to give meaning, nourishment or joy?
So what does this require of you? Perhaps nothing but the most difficult, namely to endure it, as long as it lasts. This has an end, it has an exit into something new. Perhaps you now learn to trust, trust in the life that has been given you? You may not be experiencing peace, but rather unrest, which is not so strange when everything is turned upside down. Yet, you are going through a change, a metamorphosis in liminal space, and you don’t know where it ends. You are on the threshold of something new.
This is a time of great disorder. It hurts, and you can experience a lot of fear. Jesus was also afraid in the Garden of Gethsemane. Yet he chose to drink the cup he had been given. This he did to fulfill the Higher will. Later he would find the light of resurrection, which he could not see at the time.
Look for someone who can support you, carry the burden with you, and be with you where you are now. Don’t just stay there alone, it can be too much to bear. There is love both around you and within you. Surrender to both, and you will find YOUR way through this time of disorder. ❤️
Rejection
I lost myself then
It was your look that took it
Joy of being me
–
Forgiveness
I forgive you now
Then I forgive myself too
No defense needed
–
Summer River
Summer river flow
It is the divine life now
I open myself
Trace your dark side
Face your dark side
Embrace your dark side
To find how deeply you are loved
*
To overcome evil
You have to see it in your heart
Then you will see how little you have won
Through the evil you have done
*
Facing the evil within you
It is freeing
Since there is nothing left to defend
You truly know you depend
On a Love and a forgiveness
For yourself first
Not being able to truly love and accept others in their imperfect and beautiful state is deeply connected to not loving ourselves fully. The rejection felt from others could be a mirroring of your own rejection of yourself. Seeing your own darkness, even evil, can be surprisingly freeing. When you truly see “it all”, and you contemplate your dark side, you find there is nothing to defend anymore. This is also when you see that you are in need of forgiveness, and also need to continuously forgive yourself and love yourself in spite of some evil tendencies lurking within.
Even so, I am still wondering whether the evil in us can be pure evil per se, or if it’s always just a distortion that creates these moods, motives and reactionary patterns? As for myself, I do want to, actually have to, and even need to believe that at the far deepest level, there is only love, pure love. But is it so? Do I need to realize that the evil I find actually is evil? For now, and maybe forever, I choose to believe love is the transcending force.
My point here today is anyhow that it is liberating to embrace your darkness and the evil you face within, not to become more evil and do evil, but in order to tackle rejection better. Seeing it, makes you realize that you are not all pure and nice, and then you can accept this fact. This can be a true and good humiliation I think, since it helps you tolerate others’ smaller or greater weaknesses better. I am not at all supporting evil and definitely not the evil of abuse and violence in different forms, but I am saying that accepting, forgiving and then loving yourself is what helps you grow into love of others.
There is also a Divine love within and all around. This is the Beauty that saves us inspite of the evil we find within and without. Peace 
A wise man said, where your heart is, that’s where your treasure is. Ponder those words today. Think about, where is your heart? Where is your fear? Where is your joy? Even, who are you, really, deepest within?
Carl Jung said, where your fear is that’s where your task is. I believe sometimes our fear, our joy and our heart’s yearnings are closely knit together.
I remember as a teenager I was thinking deeply about the nature of man’s and my own heart. I asked myself, am I good or am I evil, deepest within. It was a difficult and painful question to ask. Especially when there were no wise guides around to discuss the question with me.
This idea of maybe being evil brought a lot of worry and anxiety into my life early on. I have spent much of my life figuring out the answer to this question. And fortunately I have met some wise guides on this difficult path. It took a while for me to realize that what had been dark in my life, would show me my path and my own heart.
Some of my guides were wise authors, other were people I met at different stages of my life. I thank God for bringing these guides, both in written form, and through friendships. Without these sharers of wisdom I would have been at a very different place today, yes, maybe even dead.
Growing up in the Pentecostal church has brought me both joys and scars. I am a person inclined to trust people, whether they are pastors, preachers, authors or friends. But of course this has meant being burnt many times. And yes, that is life, the pain of life.
Fortunately growing through my pain and sorrow, both through my own effort, and with a “little help from my friends” has helped me grow and transform. Now I don’t only hear a preacher talk about the love of God or The Divine. Now I do know it from my own experience.
We shouldn’t underestimate the power of experience, both the bad and the good experiences. Deep thinking and experience are powerful motors. Especially if these are combined with some good reading, good conversations, even pain and sorrow and eventually a bit of silence.
Readers of my blog have probably realised that I am a supporter and follower of the contemplative way, the way of sitting in silence with an intention. Being silent with the intention of letting thoughts rest, and being open to a deeper awareness have helped me connect to my deepest within.
And what have I found? Let med tell you, please read it slowly. This is the treasure I have found walking through my darkness, valleys and from sitting in silence:
This treasure is
Love
Yes, this treasure is
Love
Inside out! Yes, read it again!
This treasure is
Love
A Contemplative Life 