Arms Raised

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You are planted here
Remain so while you are alive
Grow your roots deep
Let gravity hold you close

Falling,
the lying on the ground,
is not defeat,
but an act of deep listening

You live life from ground up,
drinking from darkest deep below ground

Up you will also reach with your arms raised,
held fast in your own divine embrace

Arrival of Beginning

I sensed a sudden shift
I felt uplifted
And I was
My eyes still shut close
I felt a warm breeze
I sensed tears filling up,
behind the eyes’ curtains

I lifted my hands,
my body still resting on knees
I heard myself saying,
no please, no please
I felt a blow to my stomach,
and breathed out one full breath

I felt strange pain
Felt lifted again, yet heavy
No please, no please,
I heard myself plead
It wasn’t me,
but something else

Eyelids now cracked open,
waves of tears flowing
Out of my control
Again I suffered another heavy blow
Yet, soon pain was lifted
Crying turned to sobbing

Steps, almost too silent to hear
A breeze again, warm
I wasn’t alone in the garden
The breeze passed me
Abruptly, I stood up
Calling the visitor back

My feet now above the ground
A presence felt all around
A warmth, comforting
Soft tears, transformed
Again, a weight pushed me to my knees

A deep knocking
My hand on my chest
A vision of veins and deep red
What had me uplifted,
now sensed within
My lips curved upwards

I whispered,
it wasn’t me,
this, wasn’t me
Yet, it, was there,
within
I lingered, silent,
there, on my knees

 

Hope

Celebrate the life we are living
Celebrate the light we are seeing
Celebrate hope in the land
Celebrate every woman, every man
Celebrate mankind

Grieve the pain we are receiving
Grieve the killing of innocents
Grieve the fearful, power-hungry leaders
Grieve the hate and violence around
Grieve mankind

We need to look reality into its eyes
There is celebration, yet also grieving
No use in shutting your eyes
The pain cuts deep like deepest waters
So hope may rise like the morning sun

So, walk with the joyful
Stay, with the mourning ones
Embrace, the fatherless children
Forgive, the men who lost their way

We celebrate again, the gift of life
We grieve the terror and tragedy
We forgive ourselves for our darkness
Love will endure
Love is our hope

Please,
open your heart

Blue Spark

What if there is no other agenda,
than for you to find the real You
If only you could let down,
your guard, your mask, your pretense

What if there is true love to find,
in the divine connection within
Wrapped in shadows,
yet rich in gold and truth

What if you could learn from,
secrets whispered in the dark
Your eyes were meant to see,
more than what is seen without

Can you have trust,
in a darkness glowing, silence loud
Can you take the time
Can you handle the wait

You’re in for a surprise
A surprise of luminous light
It will be a joy of the deeper kind,
which flows from rich wells within

When you give up your former walk
When you stop your reasoning, your talk
When you listen and focus
In this liminal space, you’ll find the Blue Spark

And that is when it all begins…

Inner Beloved

 

Here you are again
Nothing more to hide
Everything is out there, anyway
I am glad you are here, my friend

It is what it is
You know the truth
Yet,  here you are again
There is still love, my friend

Never truly gone
Not even now, at the end
End of the darkest night
Here you are again, my friend

Ready to be surprised
Ready to be found
Ready to be received
Ready to be healed

This is the day
Yes, this, is, the day
It broke through
You, broke through, my friend

Love is stronger than death
It is here
At the end of the line
Love is here, my friend

Taking a hold of your heart
Healing what ripped you apart
You know pain
You will know, love, my friend…

…and you will be free

Hold it

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Hold it, my friend
Be your own good friend now
Hold it, please
Stay with it and hold it, within
I know it is painful
I know your despair
You need to hold it right now and here
Drink the cup, my friend
Drink, and
drink again

Just now, rest assured
You need to feel lost
before you find you are found

So hold it now
Again, drink
Let it fill you all up
I know you want wine
but the drink is vinegar
Yet, I plead you, to open up
to see, to feel and also be
molded by it
You must know your pain and
even feel lost, my friend
Only then you can know
that in this,
you are found

Beautiful Stardust

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I have been thinking it is time to do some writing for myself and for readers that may be interested in my reflections on the contemplative life and individuation. The last word, individuation (which is Jungian) was added to the blog topic title just recently because I realized that the blog is about both the contemplative life and individuation. And for me, those words and the experience of contemplation and individuation are closely related.

Contemplative lifestyle or contemplative ideas speak of values connected to silence, reflection, spiritual practices and personal growth. Individuation is for me all about growing as an individual, alone and together with others. I believe also a contemplative seeker might enjoy time by himself practicing silence in one way or the other. Reading, journaling, creating art are also often signs and needs of a contemplative heart.

These last couple of days I have been attending a conference for counselors in school and other areas. A lot of the focus has been on how to become better in including everyone, for example young people at school, and how we can be sensitive to other people in the way we speak and relate to them. Central topics there and in our times are also for example how to speak and relate respectfully and inclusive to LGBTQ+ persons including the younger generation in schools. For me this focus also speaks of individuation, a need we all have to become integrated and whole persons.

Whether you are among the minority or majority in one way or the other everyone needs to be treated with respect and love for who they say they are and who they are. As a Christian I am often discouraged by the way some Christians treat some people belonging to minorities, in particular when it comes to sexual orientation. Some Christians and others blame society and schools for teaching children the wrong ideas in this area, and they often defend these views very fervently and call them the only biblical views there are. This saddens me. I do think what we say some times when they believe they defend the Word of God, originates instead from our own fears and need for control.

I apologize for being so straightforward and maybe not all that contemplative? I believe that the person of a contemplative heart should or could be among the least to judge, yet some people find me judging them when I write the way I do today. I am sorry for that too. I do believe in love as the necessary bearer for a contemplative life and also the necessary catalyst for becoming individuated into our own person and the persons you and I are meant to be.

When I say love being the catalyst, I do also most firmly speak of selflove. If we grow in selflove I do believe we can face our own deepest shadows and fears more fully, so that we embrace more of the totality of ourselves. We are on a journey of integration of opposites within us, so we can make peace with ourselves. Out of this peace there can grow acceptance and openness towards others in all their variation.

Sometimes I think that those people that criticize others the most, also when it comes to sexual orientation, may be the ones that hasn’t been able to face their own shadows and demons. They are some times trying to hold the strong forces within at bay, sometimes also unconciously, and they are doing it by attacking other people, their choices and their ways of life. Remember Jesus criticized not seeing the log in our own eyes when we point at the (small) speck in others. This is a simple, yet profound truth, and should be reflected deeply upon (for example, ask ourselves (not always the Bible): what is it in me that reacts so strongly or need to hold such a strong opinion about something?).

For myself I think and feel that I am on this continuous journey of integration and individuation. I try to be myself now and hope for the future to be and become that person within me that is closest to the “true me” and my heart. I realize quite often that I have many things buried within and that I still need to do some digging and shadow integration. I do need to forgive myself for my wrongdoings and “wrongsayings” along my way too, yet I also trust that my failures will turn into wholeness and hopefully a deeper and deeper love, as I work on myself and “find” me (in contemplative silence, there can also be an experience of being found by Something Other and Greater than “me”).

I am now getting older but I am yet not done in my journey into wholeness. Since this process is life long (but has great leaps along the way), I normally won’t let this depress me, but mostly intrigue me and help me to live every day the best way I can. And I don’t so much want to be the socalled “best version of me”, I want to become and be the me I am meant to become and be!

Now I pray for you, as you have read this, that you will find truth within yourself and in God, truth to see who you are and who you are on your way to become and be. I pray that you will grow into more of the healthy selflove and self acceptance you need to shine and shine even brighter as you grow into the person and star you truly are. If you go back and read other texts and poems here, you will see I also speak of darkness and dark times. These are parts of the necessary suffering in life, sorry to say, to find your way in integration and individuation. To grow into wholeness is, in my mind, true holiness. And for Christians this can turn out to be the most Christian way to be!

Do also remember, friend, we are all beautiful stardust after all – peace and love to you!

PS! Scroll down to find other categories of texts and poems that may interest you.

Open My Valves

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Going through some things in the storage
from long gone days
Emotions were stirring, tears filled my eyes
That was when I realized

I am just like this beautiful horn I used to play
It was called euphonium
And had a sound of wonder
I must say

After some time of playing
the horn filled up with spit
I had to open all the valves and blow out
the waste stuck in it

Then the horn was ready to be played
Again, beautiful music could be made
The sound was now so strong and so clear
Some people even thought it was rare

Going through some old things that day
Made me realize I am also this way
I need to open my valves to feel 
and clear out my grief

When I have remembered the joy and
all tears have been cried
I have both embraced my past and
opened myself fully for the ever deeper
love in life