Jesus

Ego and The Vastness of Self (part two)

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As much as we need our ego, and it’s helpful till a certain extent that our ego is transformed and made more flexible, just as much we need to know that we are so much more than our ego. We cannot live and function in this world without our ego (so I am not proclaiming ego-death), but at the same time we cannot go on living meaningful lives in the second part of our lives, without some experience of this other than ego.

This otherness I speak of is the most beautiful thing in the wholeness of life. It is about a vastness of a self or Self, that goes far beyond our imagination. Our egos are a beautiful creation too, at least sometimes, but this vastness I am pointing to, is of a different quality all together. And it is there for you to see and experience if you so desire and you realise that is what you truly want and need.

When the message “you are enough” doesn’t speak to you heart anymore, it may mean you are ready for a step in a new direction. You may be ready for a deeper experience and knowing of the Great Mystery.

Our egos are limited and will die, when our lives are over. At least most of it will disappear I think, since it is mostly a structure created by our minds. But the vastness of Self, Being itself, is eternal. The Holy Book tells us that humans have eternity in their hearts, so it is into our hearts and to the depth we need to go if we are to know a fragment more of this Vastness.

It is this Vastness I am trying to point to in writing these blog posts and most of my poems. In realizing this bigger truth about my life and life in general, I have come into the experience of more freedom. I do still struggle with life, and very often it is my smaller ego that creates the trouble. It is not what other people say or do. It is how my ego percieves what they say and do. It is how my past history and emotions, which is my bigger ego and also hidden ego react to the experience I have.

By taking in, preferable in silence, and silent reflection, the other part of the picture. By realizing there is a Vastness, an Otherness, something Infinite holding us all, I am slowly able to train my ego into stepping back. I don’t need to make such a big scene out of everything. I am not governed only by the ego’s need to protect itself. I can be led more by Spirit and intuition.

The Spiritfilled life is the other way, the new way, the better way, and eternal way. I do want to be led by Spirit. I do want to know and experience Oneness with all. The Bible says, everything and everyone shall be one in Christ. That is the good news! That is what fills my soul, when my ego has failed me. And beware, the ego will fail us, and in particular we can grow tired of our own ego in midlife. This can even bring us into what John of the Cross called the Dark Night of the Soul.

Yet, I do hope you can take with you something for your journey by reading these reflections. And off course, I do only see in part, and I do know I may get things wrong too, but I also believe I have found some truth that I’d like to share with you, though simply so. There may be a part three of this text that will be postet later.

For now, be at peace wherever you are in this world – and do remember, “you” are part of this Vastness.

Ego and The Vastness of Self (part one)

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It is time for some longer reflections now. Some thoughts on ego and self. I have been thinking that everything we do are connected to our egos in on way or the other, either we are doing our daily work, building friendships and parttaking in family- or social life. Even our spirituality is very much a part of our ego and our ego identity.

I have also been thinking, probably inspired by Carl Jung, the famous psychoanalyst, that our ego has different parts. In my layman-way-of-thinking I would separate the ego into 3 parts: the smaller ego, the bigger ego and the hidden ego. Let’s first talk about the bigger ego.

The smaller ego (persona, Carl Jung) is the person I see myself to be in my daily life. This is the ego I try to, want to, pretend to and dare to show the world. I started out thinking this was the bigger ego. But off course it is not. You will understand when I continue.

The bigger ego is everything I know myself to be and has developed into at this moment. So in a way the bigger ego includes all knowledge of my history and past experiences too. I hide some of the things in my ego to the world, and maybe no one gets to see everything. Maybe that is not even possible, even if I wanted to be 100% transparent. The ego parts I hide from the world, are the things a believe not to be of value, not acceptable, yes even shameful or sinful. The ego I hide, which is part of my bigger ego, is not the same as the hidden ego which I will explain next.

The hidden ego is close to the understanding of shadow in the way it is explained by Carl Jung. The hidden ego is not something I consciously hide, but it is hidden even from me. This is the ego I catch glimpses of when I have I strong reactions to something or in a situation. I do catch glimpses, and sometimes even more of this ego is revealed to me. Whether I will include this revealed ego in my bigger ego depends on whether I accept this as part of my ego or not. It is also a question of maturity, fear and love. As we grow in self-love I do think more of the hidden ego in us shows itself to us, it tests us almost, and asks whether we are ready or not to include more of ourselves.

Maybe now then when I have explained these 3 ego parts in a very simplified way, we are ready to name a fourth ego? As our ego includes more and more since we grow in acceptance and tolerance, and grows in flexibility, we grow into our total ego. I don’t think you’ll find your total ego during a lifetime, but maybe you can get close. The more of ourselves that are integrated, and the more we individuate as Carl Jung would say, the more we see of our total ego.

A lot of self-help literature talks about these ego parts, sometimes not even the total ego, and tries to encourage us to believe in a part of our ego. A repeated message is “you are enough”. I do believe that as we grow in self-acceptance, our ego becomes easier to live with for ourselves and for others, so eventually a flexible ego is quite enough to handle life and live well. But there is more to it, if we seek it. Here comes some more background information, before I explain further.

This is actually the more exciting part. This is one of the main reasons I am blogging about the contemplative life. Our mature egos will get us far, but I really do believe we are more than our ego. Part from Carl Jung, another inspiration of mine is Michael A. Singer who wrote the very wise book “The Untethered Soul”. In this book he explains that we are something other than our thoughts. In one sense we are the ones that can observe our thinking mind, therefore we are not our thoughts. These truths are part of my background for saying we are more than our egos. Another source is the Bible and the words of Christ that talk a lot about how we are one with God, yes, there is an oneness that includes more than our ego. And Father Richard Rohr says something like, everywhere is the presence of God, it is only our awareness that is lacking. This is truly exciting!

There will be a day for most people, very often in midlife, when we realise that the phrase “your are enough” does not comfort us anymore, it doesn’t satisfy our heart. We need to dig deeper, in order to breathe and go on living. Please continue reading the second part of this text which is in the next blog post.

Peace!

The Broken Icon

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On Santorini I found the icon of my heart. I realised why it wouldn’t leave my heart until I got it. It is actually very well made by a Greek artist. It has beautiful colors, and in particular the red color of passion. I actually believe this version of Mary is called Mary of passion.

The icon was put only in a plastic bag when I got it. And I put it in my backpack where I kept it while on the beach of Kamari. I was surprised and saddened when I took the icon out and realised some spots of paint had loosened and were gone. You can actually see one of the white spots in the semicircle on Mary’s head cloth. It was sad because I think my lack of knowledge of how to treat icons actually caused the damage to the icon. The white spot also stands out, and it is difficult to unfocus your eyes from it once you have really noticed it. Yet, I must only tell myself, that the icon is still very beautiful even if it is a bit broken.

Now I also got all these revelations when thinking about the broken icon. It is like some of the sadness, but also the love I see in the faces of Jesus and Mary, has touched my heart, and connected me to this sadness and passionate love. All this really reminds me of why I like icons so much and why they have such an effect on me. It is about the feelings they convey and reveal. They touch some deep place within me and reveal to me hidden truths that I need to feel and know.

The icon is a bit broken and I have to accept that. Still, when it is broken it doesn’t necessarily make it less beautiful. Maybe the icon is telling me, that when something is broken, it still represents wholeness and beauty, and maybe even more so, in the broken state. If the icon can reveal beauty in its brokeness, so can you and I.

Of course it is easy to become a bit too romantic here, but still the message of things shining in their broken beauty, is a beautiful truth. The white spot of missing paint is there, right in your face and the icon cannot hide its broken part. Isn’t this what we all know to be true, that when we share our brokeness with someone and when we are honest about what feels missing in ourselves, that is when real healing and freedom can happen?

I encourage you to spend a few minutes looking at this icon now. What thoughts, and maybe just as important, what feelings reveal themselves to you while you are looking at the beautiful icon of Jesus and Mary, with some white spots of missing paint? Maybe the white spots reveal something to you too?

Peace!

Wise Teachers

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Christ, The Wisest Teacher of All

Today I am thinking about the desperate need for wise teachers, instead of blind preachers. Growing up in the Pentecostal movement in Norway has given me good things, but also a lot of wounds and bad things. The good thing is the focus on the Holy Spirit and joy. Bad things are a negative view on the human soul and the world. I have had to do a lot of painful relearning and reconstruction in my now soon 50 years on this Earth.

I remember one Pentecostal preacher preaching to a big congregation, we are all zeros!! But, he said, Jesus is a number one, so with him we are a million! Outrageous, I thought in my then literal thinking teenager mind, and confronted this preacher with is terrible lowlife preaching. Why do you preach so negatively about God’s beloveds I asked him. His sad, and even only answer, was, I guess that’s how I often feel, like a zero. To me this is a good example of the blind preaching I am talking about. You are zeros, because I, your pastor, feels that way. Wow!!

Instead of the message above, a wise teaching could be, Jesus is one, because he was one with God, and so are you. When you feel like a lowlife, you should know, this is not how God feels and thinks about you. He loves you, never leaves you and He/She/They lives/live within you. As the Celtics even say, our soul is not in our body, but our body is in the Soul! Amen!!

I am very thankful for the wise teachers and guides that I have met on my path and in my search in the wilderness and even despair. Henri Nouwen was one of them. I fed on his books, and remember the very small but important book, The Inner Voice of Love. Wow, what I message, what a healing! He even wrote a book called Wounded Healer, another great blessing.

I could also mention other wise guides like Michael Singer, and his The Untethered Soul, and Richard Rohr and his Everything Belongs (the title itself says it all!) and Falling Upward. In Falling Upward Rohr shares his vision in a distilled form, about the second journey in life. Also, let us not forget his important inspiration, the spiritual psychoanalyst Carl Jung.

So, instead of many more details today, I leave you with this important note: seek out some of the wise teachers with the honest, transformational message and wisdom. And step away from blind preachers that only pull you down and hurt you. Yes, step away and seek soul. You’ll truly know it when you find food freeing to your soul.

Since I believe in contemplation I also lean on grace and surrender to the mystical way. So do some reading, sit in silence and surrender to the Love and Guidance you have within. Bless you!

Overflowed by Life

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At the beach yesterday I witnessed the image above of stones and overflowing waters. Tumultuous waves were overcoming solid ground. Rohr (Falling Upwards, great book!) speaks and talks about a lever to stand. The lever is needed at different times in our lives. Some times outer pressure or inner turmoil are overwhelming. It feels like drowning.

I’ve been through times like the mentioned above on several occasions. Last not so long ago. I lost my zest for life and had no drive or motivation. It felt like I was overcome and lost, as in my last poem here, “I gave up and gave in”.

If you have read the whole poem though you have realized I have yet to draw my last breath, and gracefully things ended on a good note. I am meant to live and there’s still meaning and renewed meaning to be found in life, mine included. But for a long time it felt like the image above. Out of control, with no escape in going through the pain and darkness. Part of the reason for my troubles were great grief in my life, since I have slowly been losing my mother to early dementia. There has been other things too, among those an earnest search for truth and the deep desire for love and union with Spirit.

So if you’re experiencing grief and outer and/or more inner turmoil, know that I have been there. Hell is not a place in a God-willed afterlife. God’s love is for all, it upholds us all, whether we recognize it or not. Hell is also at times circumstances here on Earth, whether it is outer war and suffering, or inner turmoil and loneliness deep within. Fortunately, at the same time, heaven, God, God’s kingdom are also here on Earth, all around us and deep within each and everyone. This includes you, no exceptions. I also do believe with Rob Bell, that Love Wins (book recommended!). If that makes me an universialist, I am guilty of the “heresy”.

The Spirit of Christ lives within us and our bodies groan for freedom and union for eternity. Happily, this is something to be embraced and experienced in the now, if only in glimpses. Can you sense your inner Spirit calling you? Are you overwhelmed by the life you have lived so far? Maybe what we need when there is no solid ground to be found, is a surrender to the great vast Ocean? At least a surrender to the River within that Jesus spoke of to the Samaritan woman.

Now I dream of new projects and a future for contemplation in my country and across the globe. I connect with what Rahner supposedly has said, that the future Christian is a mystic. I truly believe that. I want to be among them. I do think more and more people will see and find the path of contemplation. Nothing else than contemplating the mystery of the Divine and beholding and experiencing its beauty can satisfy our hunger. Would you like to join me on this often messy but also blessed journey?

Blessings on your day and your further travel – never forget you truly are the beloved of the Great Lover! Even more, when darkness leaves you blinded.

Bad Theology or #Truth?

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Christ's Cross

My faith in a God that for His own sake needed to be satisfied by blood because of his holiness, is far gone! Yes, Christ died for our sins, but not because God needed this. But because we needed a revelation of Love and a pathway to help us become transformed through Love in the experience of our sins and weaknesses.

The revelation of Love tells us: “Let’s be done with scapegoating and sacrifice. Let’s be done with it once and for all. Be free to love yourself, the Divine Creator and others. “I am” is the final sacrifice not so God can love us, but so we can love ourselves.

More than dying for our sins, Christ died “because” of our sins and because of our human need for revenge, scapegoating and quid pro qou. Christ is the final scapegoat!

The All-loving Divine is telling us: “Please look upon the final sacrifice and receive it in your inner being. Now your sacrifice is needed no more, neither do you need to let anyone else pay for your sins. Actually, a sacrifice of blood has never been needed for Me to see you, love you and accept you! “I am” accepted you when you were created and you were blessed from the beginning.

And further: “Christ dying and resurrecting is both an incident in time, and an “incident” in the Eternal Now, happening again, again and forever.

And finally: “You have always been loved, blessed and forgiven! Christ died to set you free, to help you forgive yourself, so that forgiveness and love can help you to become transformed in your inner being.

He died and rose again to free you to live life abundantly! Do you get it? Do you get it?”

Is this bad theology or the Great Truth and The Truly Good News?

I believe in a Truth that says: You are eternally accepted by Love, the beloved loved by The Beloved.

Peace be with you 🙂

He showed us #poem #Jesus

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His life showed us the way of love and restoration

The road of life is often down before it is up

In His suffering and death He embraced the suffering of men and the Earth

We also need to surrender, trust and drink our cup

In his resurrection He shouted out that Love always wins

Let His Love be our life

Note: This poem is about life in general and does not advice people to accept abusive or criminal behaviour.

New Beginnings

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…He was pierced because of our transgressions, crushed because of our iniquities; punishment for our peace was on Him, and we are healed by His wounds (Isaiah 53:5)

The Bible tells us that Jesus is the wounded healer and by His wounds we are healed. But what does that really mean?

In my Protestant Christian upbringing I grew up with the understanding of Jesus as paying the price for our sins and at times we were close to thinking of this as a transaction: Our sin, the blood of Jesus, we go free. I still accept and receive this as a truth. At the same time I think the typical protestant (evangelical) preaching about this can become very technical and may leave us void of any true and transformational experience.

Now my understanding of the suffering Christ has developed and deepened. Yes, he died for our sins. But at the same time he suffered and died to show us a way through our sin and suffering. This understanding has become an important and necessary step in my faith, and it’s about taking life and Jesus seriously.

Not only is Jesus the wounded healer (check out Henri Nouwen’s great book: The Wounded Healer), but he shows us how we can grow and walk through our own suffering, and even bring healing and forgiveness to this world through our own woundedness. By God’s grace we can all become wounded healers by following his example.

Jesus told his disciples to follow him. I believe that the Creator calls us to be and to become truly human by being honest and truthful when it comes to the experience of sin and suffering. Jesus and the cross invite us to accept suffering and “dying” as a an important way of healing in our lives.

Now I not only believe that Jesus saved us from sin and suffering, but also that he shows us a way to deal with the suffering that’s part of every human’s life. For example in the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus in prayer shows us that he wanted to avoid suffering when asking the Father to take the suffering away. But at the same time he accepted the suffering and surrendered to the will of God. The surrender to God happened again at the cross, when Jesus in his final words before dying let go of his spirit.

One important thing Jesus shows us by his example is that we should not run away, deny or avoid suffering and pain that may be necessary in our lives, no matter how painful it is. He shows us a way to live with wounds, truth, acceptance and most importantly a way of surrender to the Creator amist the suffering.

He does not only show us a way in and through suffering, but also that by following this road of surrender we will find new life. Jesus rose from the dead! This means we can go through the valleys in our lives knowing and trusting that there is a way through that leads to new life and new beginnings. Again and again.

I am not so focused on heaven being a particular place after death. I believe the example of Jesus shows us how to live our lives now and how we also will experience breakthroughs and freedom many times throughout our lives. By accepting and growing through the suffering, we can bring healing to others through our example since then our lives point to the greatest example of them all, the example of Jesus.

UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED, ALL SCRIPTURE QUOTATIONS ARE TAKEN FROM THE HOLMAN CHRISTIAN STANDARD BIBLE®, COPYRIGHT © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 BY HOLMAN BIBLE PUBLISHERS. USED BY PERMISSION. HOLMAN CHRISTIAN STANDARD BIBLE®, HOLMAN CSB®, AND HCSB® ARE FEDERALLY REGISTERED TRADEMARKS OF HOLMAN BIBLE PUBLISHERS.