This is it

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This is it
I sense the rushing of a Wind
I sense the Great Self within
I hear the Call
To be, to be

It is here
I hear the roar of the Lion
I hear the Great Voice within
You are in the Temple
You are, You are

This Mystery
I listen to the Soft Whisper
I listen to Holy Poems within
Secrets found, truth makes whole
I am rises in my Soul
I am, I am

Beautiful Stardust

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I have been thinking it is time to do some writing for myself and for readers that may be interested in my reflections on the contemplative life and individuation. The last word, individuation (which is Jungian) was added to the blog topic title just recently because I realized that the blog is about both the contemplative life and individuation. And for me, those words and the experience of contemplation and individuation are closely related.

Contemplative lifestyle or contemplative ideas speak of values connected to silence, reflection, spiritual practices and personal growth. Individuation is for me all about growing as an individual, alone and together with others. I believe also a contemplative seeker might enjoy time by himself practicing silence in one way or the other. Reading, journaling, creating art are also often signs and needs of a contemplative heart.

These last couple of days I have been attending a conference for counselors in school and other areas. A lot of the focus has been on how to become better in including everyone, for example young people at school, and how we can be sensitive to other people in the way we speak and relate to them. Central topics there and in our times are also for example how to speak and relate respectfully and inclusive to LGBTQ+ persons including the younger generation in schools. For me this focus also speaks of individuation, a need we all have to become integrated and whole persons.

Whether you are among the minority or majority in one way or the other everyone needs to be treated with respect and love for who they say they are and who they are. As a Christian I am often discouraged by the way some Christians treat some people belonging to minorities, in particular when it comes to sexual orientation. Some Christians and others blame society and schools for teaching children the wrong ideas in this area, and they often defend these views very fervently and call them the only biblical views there are. This saddens me. I do think what we say some times when they believe they defend the Word of God, originates instead from our own fears and need for control.

I apologize for being so straightforward and maybe not all that contemplative? I believe that the person of a contemplative heart should or could be among the least to judge, yet some people find me judging them when I write the way I do today. I am sorry for that too. I do believe in love as the necessary bearer for a contemplative life and also the necessary catalyst for becoming individuated into our own person and the persons you and I are meant to be.

When I say love being the catalyst, I do also most firmly speak of selflove. If we grow in selflove I do believe we can face our own deepest shadows and fears more fully, so that we embrace more of the totality of ourselves. We are on a journey of integration of opposites within us, so we can make peace with ourselves. Out of this peace there can grow acceptance and openness towards others in all their variation.

Sometimes I think that those people that criticize others the most, also when it comes to sexual orientation, may be the ones that hasn’t been able to face their own shadows and demons. They are some times trying to hold the strong forces within at bay, sometimes also unconciously, and they are doing it by attacking other people, their choices and their ways of life. Remember Jesus criticized not seeing the log in our own eyes when we point at the (small) speck in others. This is a simple, yet profound truth, and should be reflected deeply upon (for example, ask ourselves (not always the Bible): what is it in me that reacts so strongly or need to hold such a strong opinion about something?).

For myself I think and feel that I am on this continuous journey of integration and individuation. I try to be myself now and hope for the future to be and become that person within me that is closest to the “true me” and my heart. I realize quite often that I have many things buried within and that I still need to do some digging and shadow integration. I do need to forgive myself for my wrongdoings and “wrongsayings” along my way too, yet I also trust that my failures will turn into wholeness and hopefully a deeper and deeper love, as I work on myself and “find” me (in contemplative silence, there can also be an experience of being found by Something Other and Greater than “me”).

I am now getting older but I am yet not done in my journey into wholeness. Since this process is life long (but has great leaps along the way), I normally won’t let this depress me, but mostly intrigue me and help me to live every day the best way I can. And I don’t so much want to be the socalled “best version of me”, I want to become and be the me I am meant to become and be!

Now I pray for you, as you have read this, that you will find truth within yourself and in God, truth to see who you are and who you are on your way to become and be. I pray that you will grow into more of the healthy selflove and self acceptance you need to shine and shine even brighter as you grow into the person and star you truly are. If you go back and read other texts and poems here, you will see I also speak of darkness and dark times. These are parts of the necessary suffering in life, sorry to say, to find your way in integration and individuation. To grow into wholeness is, in my mind, true holiness. And for Christians this can turn out to be the most Christian way to be!

Do also remember, friend, we are all beautiful stardust after all – peace and love to you!

PS! Scroll down to find other categories of texts and poems that may interest you.

You don’t owe me

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When I have lost myself
in helping others
I may start thinking you owe me your thanks and your love

But the truth is this:
You don’t owe me anything
I just need to ground myself
In the everlasting Love of the Divine

I must sit down
Take a breath
Start over out of silence
From then on I can fly…just a little slower

 

Union Still

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Throughout my life
of loneliness and pain
I have often longed and prayed for
a union with God
to gain

This longing for union is
still very deep and strong
Sometimes overshadowed by
the action of life
yet never gone

Union still is my heart’s desire
This I strive for
in my great search
Yet maybe now I have found
a joy in life
so I feel I am living less on the edge
of a knife

Forever I am still longing
Both in silence and in sound
for this Greatest Love to abound
All the way until complete union
where all is found

On The Mountain / På fjellet

Sommerfugl Stokke Retreat 2024

On the Mountain

Once,
you called me and set me
on the top of the mountain
There I saw
the Indescribable Light
In this Light my soul would linger
But it was not the time

-Now, dear child, you must learn to walk
Step down from the mountain you must
Soon you will neither feel or see
There will be darkness
On the road to the Secret Place

På fjellet

En gang,
du kalte meg opp
på den høyeste tinde
Der fikk jeg se det
Ubeskrivelige lys
I det Lyset ville min sjel forbli
Men det var ikke dens tid

-Nå, kjære barn, må du lære å gå
Stige ned fra fjellet du må
Intet vil du snart føle eller se
Det vil bli mørkt
På veien til det Hemmelige sted

All is well

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When I want to see you
I open the door to my heart
Then you are there, just like you once were
All is well

You are so happy to see me
We share heartfelt words
Exchange warm gazes
All is well

Later we are swimming in the water
Our tears fills the Lake of Hearts
We wash ourselves clean
All is well

In the evening you take me to the side
You turn your gaze towards me
Tilt you head lightly and whisper
-All is well

When you’ll once leave Earth
We can always meet there again
In the Garden and Lake of Hearts
All will be well

 

ALT ER BRA

Når jeg vil besøke deg
Åpner jeg døren til mitt hjerte
Så er du der, som du en gang var
Alt er bra

Du er så glad for å se meg
Vi deler gode ord
Veksler varme blikk
Alt er bra

Senere bader vi i vannet
Våre tårer fyller hjertets innsjø
Vi vasker oss rene
Alt er bra

På kvelden tar du meg til side
Du vender blikket mot meg
Skrår lett ditt hodet og visker
-Alt er bra

Når du en gang jorden forlater
Kan vi alltid møtes der igjen
I hjertets hage og i dets vann
Alt blir bra

Westworld / Landet i vest

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I go there when I am alone
I go there when I am in need
I go there when I am hurt
I go there when I am tired
I go there when I am falling

There I am in union
There I am filled
There I am comforted
There I am rested
There I am uplifted

This is the Westworld

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Oversatt til nynorsk:

Eg går dit når eg er aleine
Eg går dit når eg har eit behov
Eg går dit når eg er såra
Eg går dit når eg er trøyt
Eg går dit når eg faller

Der er eg i eining
Der er eg fylt
Der er eg trøysta
Der er eg utkvilt
Der er eg opplyfta

Dette er Landet i vest

Ego and The Vastness of Self (part two)

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As much as we need our ego, and it’s helpful till a certain extent that our ego is transformed and made more flexible, just as much we need to know that we are so much more than our ego. We cannot live and function in this world without our ego (so I am not proclaiming ego-death), but at the same time we cannot go on living meaningful lives in the second part of our lives, without some experience of this other than ego.

This otherness I speak of is the most beautiful thing in the wholeness of life. It is about a vastness of a self or Self, that goes far beyond our imagination. Our egos are a beautiful creation too, at least sometimes, but this vastness I am pointing to, is of a different quality all together. And it is there for you to see and experience if you so desire and you realise that is what you truly want and need.

When the message “you are enough” doesn’t speak to you heart anymore, it may mean you are ready for a step in a new direction. You may be ready for a deeper experience and knowing of the Great Mystery.

Our egos are limited and will die, when our lives are over. At least most of it will disappear I think, since it is mostly a structure created by our minds. But the vastness of Self, Being itself, is eternal. The Holy Book tells us that humans have eternity in their hearts, so it is into our hearts and to the depth we need to go if we are to know a fragment more of this Vastness.

It is this Vastness I am trying to point to in writing these blog posts and most of my poems. In realizing this bigger truth about my life and life in general, I have come into the experience of more freedom. I do still struggle with life, and very often it is my smaller ego that creates the trouble. It is not what other people say or do. It is how my ego percieves what they say and do. It is how my past history and emotions, which is my bigger ego and also hidden ego react to the experience I have.

By taking in, preferable in silence, and silent reflection, the other part of the picture. By realizing there is a Vastness, an Otherness, something Infinite holding us all, I am slowly able to train my ego into stepping back. I don’t need to make such a big scene out of everything. I am not governed only by the ego’s need to protect itself. I can be led more by Spirit and intuition.

The Spiritfilled life is the other way, the new way, the better way, and eternal way. I do want to be led by Spirit. I do want to know and experience Oneness with all. The Bible says, everything and everyone shall be one in Christ. That is the good news! That is what fills my soul, when my ego has failed me. And beware, the ego will fail us, and in particular we can grow tired of our own ego in midlife. This can even bring us into what John of the Cross called the Dark Night of the Soul.

Yet, I do hope you can take with you something for your journey by reading these reflections. And off course, I do only see in part, and I do know I may get things wrong too, but I also believe I have found some truth that I’d like to share with you, though simply so. There may be a part three of this text that will be postet later.

For now, be at peace wherever you are in this world – and do remember, “you” are part of this Vastness.

Ego and The Vastness of Self (part one)

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It is time for some longer reflections now. Some thoughts on ego and self. I have been thinking that everything we do are connected to our egos in on way or the other, either we are doing our daily work, building friendships and parttaking in family- or social life. Even our spirituality is very much a part of our ego and our ego identity.

I have also been thinking, probably inspired by Carl Jung, the famous psychoanalyst, that our ego has different parts. In my layman-way-of-thinking I would separate the ego into 3 parts: the smaller ego, the bigger ego and the hidden ego. Let’s first talk about the bigger ego.

The smaller ego (persona, Carl Jung) is the person I see myself to be in my daily life. This is the ego I try to, want to, pretend to and dare to show the world. I started out thinking this was the bigger ego. But off course it is not. You will understand when I continue.

The bigger ego is everything I know myself to be and has developed into at this moment. So in a way the bigger ego includes all knowledge of my history and past experiences too. I hide some of the things in my ego to the world, and maybe no one gets to see everything. Maybe that is not even possible, even if I wanted to be 100% transparent. The ego parts I hide from the world, are the things a believe not to be of value, not acceptable, yes even shameful or sinful. The ego I hide, which is part of my bigger ego, is not the same as the hidden ego which I will explain next.

The hidden ego is close to the understanding of shadow in the way it is explained by Carl Jung. The hidden ego is not something I consciously hide, but it is hidden even from me. This is the ego I catch glimpses of when I have I strong reactions to something or in a situation. I do catch glimpses, and sometimes even more of this ego is revealed to me. Whether I will include this revealed ego in my bigger ego depends on whether I accept this as part of my ego or not. It is also a question of maturity, fear and love. As we grow in self-love I do think more of the hidden ego in us shows itself to us, it tests us almost, and asks whether we are ready or not to include more of ourselves.

Maybe now then when I have explained these 3 ego parts in a very simplified way, we are ready to name a fourth ego? As our ego includes more and more since we grow in acceptance and tolerance, and grows in flexibility, we grow into our total ego. I don’t think you’ll find your total ego during a lifetime, but maybe you can get close. The more of ourselves that are integrated, and the more we individuate as Carl Jung would say, the more we see of our total ego.

A lot of self-help literature talks about these ego parts, sometimes not even the total ego, and tries to encourage us to believe in a part of our ego. A repeated message is “you are enough”. I do believe that as we grow in self-acceptance, our ego becomes easier to live with for ourselves and for others, so eventually a flexible ego is quite enough to handle life and live well. But there is more to it, if we seek it. Here comes some more background information, before I explain further.

This is actually the more exciting part. This is one of the main reasons I am blogging about the contemplative life. Our mature egos will get us far, but I really do believe we are more than our ego. Part from Carl Jung, another inspiration of mine is Michael A. Singer who wrote the very wise book “The Untethered Soul”. In this book he explains that we are something other than our thoughts. In one sense we are the ones that can observe our thinking mind, therefore we are not our thoughts. These truths are part of my background for saying we are more than our egos. Another source is the Bible and the words of Christ that talk a lot about how we are one with God, yes, there is an oneness that includes more than our ego. And Father Richard Rohr says something like, everywhere is the presence of God, it is only our awareness that is lacking. This is truly exciting!

There will be a day for most people, very often in midlife, when we realise that the phrase “your are enough” does not comfort us anymore, it doesn’t satisfy our heart. We need to dig deeper, in order to breathe and go on living. Please continue reading the second part of this text which is in the next blog post.

Peace!