Shadow work

Do I Need Silence ?

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Today I will just share a short note about a spiritual practice that I truly recommend. The practice is called centering prayer. It has a long tradition, and can partly be traced back to a practice of silende explained in the mystical book Cloud of Unknowing. The form in which it is practiced among many contemplative seekers today has been clarified by the well-known munk Thomas Keating. His books come recommended too, and one which dives into the topic of centering prayer is Keating’s Open Mind, Open Heart.

For myself I practice this silent attitude or prayer once a month together with some contemplative friends. We meet in a local church, and after a short introduction by the one leading the practice we sit in a circle for 2o minutes. After that we join around the table again for a short voluntarily sharing.

Many mornings, regularly, I also try to sit down alone for at least 10 minutes, taking time for a shorter version. Even though the 20 minutes are truly recommended, I find that 10 minutes are much better than not doing the practice at all.

The main goal of the practice is to sit openly in silence saying a word in your mind every time you lose your silent focus, to redirect yourself back into the open silence. This is not called a mantra, yet it is a word of your choice to think when the monkey mind starts talking. Then the goal is not to empty your mind, but to give your focus to the open silence and quietness. For some this seems similar to some mindfulness practices, but it can be said to be a little different too.

In centering prayer it is not thought so much that you will experience any particular elevation, ecstasy or felt experience of God or Divine during the practice. At least that is not what we are seeking. We seek only to be open in silence, in a restful and upright, chaired position. You may close your eyes and open your hands on your lap, but really what counts is that you can sit comfortably and attentive in an open silence.

Since there is not much more to it than what I have explained simply here, and the goal is not a spiritual experience other than attentiveness, why practice it? For me it is a time of open focus where I think my heart and soul are working, even though the feeling of it is not important. And the results you may say, will come later. If you practice for some time you may experience a change in your daily life. This silence may become a strength and something beautiful to carry within you in your day. It may help you become less reactive and activated, and more responsive to the experiences in the real world.

I word of warning if you want to try it out, which I hope you do, is that as Keating explains in other words that the first period you try this your mind may go a little crazy, and start spinning and throwing a lot of thoughts at you. Since you are not used to being in silence like this, the mind is not used to it either. It also may be that the mind and feelings come at you with really important stuff too, that you need to bring your attention to after the time of practice. A lot of unconscious and repressed things, that you have tried not to see and acknowledge maybe in a very active and perhaps stressful daily life, now may come at you with full force. If this happens you must realize that you may need someone to talk to about hidden issues in your life that now want to surface. It is really Important that you go seriously about this, otherwise you may hit a wall. I could have said more about this aspect, but will leave it at that for now. If you want to dialogue about it, please comment, and we’ll start a discussion that can become fruitful.

Now, I just hope you learned a little bit about centering prayer. For me these days I combine this practice with dream work and dream interpretation which can be very interesting and learningful. More on that later. So, try it out, this silent practice of centering prayer – if you dare 😊 I dare you, you probably won’t regret it, at least if you take note of the words of warning too.

Blessings to you!

This

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This is what seeps and lurks in bones and veins
It is like a dark stare within me
At times it drives me far and wide
Sometimes drags me far too long and far away
What happened for it to be this way?

Also, it seems it is here to stay
Even the priest seems to like it this way
It drives us to pray and ask for forgiveness
Yet, I ask, is it truly gone?
Has it been here all along?

Sometimes heard as a distant echo
Other times felt as a tidal wave
This drives us often into action and reaction
Or even urges us to climb the ladder of fame
Same old, same old, I hear the wise man say

On the surface we often live our lives
Anger and bitterness can become lingering fumes
Blaming the other for what batters inside
As we walk the road of violence and abuse
the lurker within becomes our fuse

The preacher says, I am also made this terrible way
Giving his words, citing the verse, before he says,
Let’s repent from our ways
An easy way out, perhaps
Yet, often it leads to dismay
Most likely never meant to be easily fixed
this deep-seated pain felt from within

I sensed it this morning
I sensed it last night
It creates this experience of restless dismay
Yet, turning the lights on, I knew
Now I greet this guest that seems here to stay
I ask him, may you hit this vase until it cracks and shatters
Becoming whole, I found, is what matters
In growing old, you’ll strike your gold, as the wise man told

Beautiful Stardust

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I have been thinking it is time to do some writing for myself and for readers that may be interested in my reflections on the contemplative life and individuation. The last word, individuation (which is Jungian) was added to the blog topic title just recently because I realized that the blog is about both the contemplative life and individuation. And for me, those words and the experience of contemplation and individuation are closely related.

Contemplative lifestyle or contemplative ideas speak of values connected to silence, reflection, spiritual practices and personal growth. Individuation is for me all about growing as an individual, alone and together with others. I believe also a contemplative seeker might enjoy time by himself practicing silence in one way or the other. Reading, journaling, creating art are also often signs and needs of a contemplative heart.

These last couple of days I have been attending a conference for counselors in school and other areas. A lot of the focus has been on how to become better in including everyone, for example young people at school, and how we can be sensitive to other people in the way we speak and relate to them. Central topics there and in our times are also for example how to speak and relate respectfully and inclusive to LGBTQ+ persons including the younger generation in schools. For me this focus also speaks of individuation, a need we all have to become integrated and whole persons.

Whether you are among the minority or majority in one way or the other everyone needs to be treated with respect and love for who they say they are and who they are. As a Christian I am often discouraged by the way some Christians treat some people belonging to minorities, in particular when it comes to sexual orientation. Some Christians and others blame society and schools for teaching children the wrong ideas in this area, and they often defend these views very fervently and call them the only biblical views there are. This saddens me. I do think what we say some times when they believe they defend the Word of God, originates instead from our own fears and need for control.

I apologize for being so straightforward and maybe not all that contemplative? I believe that the person of a contemplative heart should or could be among the least to judge, yet some people find me judging them when I write the way I do today. I am sorry for that too. I do believe in love as the necessary bearer for a contemplative life and also the necessary catalyst for becoming individuated into our own person and the persons you and I are meant to be.

When I say love being the catalyst, I do also most firmly speak of selflove. If we grow in selflove I do believe we can face our own deepest shadows and fears more fully, so that we embrace more of the totality of ourselves. We are on a journey of integration of opposites within us, so we can make peace with ourselves. Out of this peace there can grow acceptance and openness towards others in all their variation.

Sometimes I think that those people that criticize others the most, also when it comes to sexual orientation, may be the ones that hasn’t been able to face their own shadows and demons. They are some times trying to hold the strong forces within at bay, sometimes also unconciously, and they are doing it by attacking other people, their choices and their ways of life. Remember Jesus criticized not seeing the log in our own eyes when we point at the (small) speck in others. This is a simple, yet profound truth, and should be reflected deeply upon (for example, ask ourselves (not always the Bible): what is it in me that reacts so strongly or need to hold such a strong opinion about something?).

For myself I think and feel that I am on this continuous journey of integration and individuation. I try to be myself now and hope for the future to be and become that person within me that is closest to the “true me” and my heart. I realize quite often that I have many things buried within and that I still need to do some digging and shadow integration. I do need to forgive myself for my wrongdoings and “wrongsayings” along my way too, yet I also trust that my failures will turn into wholeness and hopefully a deeper and deeper love, as I work on myself and “find” me (in contemplative silence, there can also be an experience of being found by Something Other and Greater than “me”).

I am now getting older but I am yet not done in my journey into wholeness. Since this process is life long (but has great leaps along the way), I normally won’t let this depress me, but mostly intrigue me and help me to live every day the best way I can. And I don’t so much want to be the socalled “best version of me”, I want to become and be the me I am meant to become and be!

Now I pray for you, as you have read this, that you will find truth within yourself and in God, truth to see who you are and who you are on your way to become and be. I pray that you will grow into more of the healthy selflove and self acceptance you need to shine and shine even brighter as you grow into the person and star you truly are. If you go back and read other texts and poems here, you will see I also speak of darkness and dark times. These are parts of the necessary suffering in life, sorry to say, to find your way in integration and individuation. To grow into wholeness is, in my mind, true holiness. And for Christians this can turn out to be the most Christian way to be!

Do also remember, friend, we are all beautiful stardust after all – peace and love to you!

PS! Scroll down to find other categories of texts and poems that may interest you.

Chased by her

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She is running after me
with sword in hand
She is aiming for my back
Turning around I see her sword
Now pointing towards my stomach
I try to escape
I don’t want to be struck by her
and her sword
I keep running as fast as I can
I am a man, I am thinking
I must be able to win
I must escape her
Yet she quickens her pace
Now this is truly a race
What if I just give up and surrender
What if I let her strike me
What if blood erupts from the wound
Deep red, deep feeling

Letter of Pain

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I am writing down this letter of pain
Asking myself, -what is there to gain
My God, my God I am feeling alone and lost
The cup is large and it is of great cost

Some people say, -Jesus took your pain
On the cross the sin of the world was lain
Yet, to me this is so very real
This terrible agony I now feel

Was it not God that gave me this gift to feel
Maybe so that I through that could heal
Is Christ on the cross there with me
Sharing the experience of this so terribly

As I am writing this letter of pain
And in the dark it is too dark to see
Another thought crosses my mind:
The cross I bear is part of Thine

Doors

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I like tall doors
The wide ones too
In particular beautifully decorated ones
They are not there to make you feel small
They stand tall just to remind you
That when you are in awe
Of their grandness and beauty
That is only a mirror
For the divine image in you
If the thought of what is behind evokes fear
The width and height are there to say,
Fear not, I greet you
Now open me, pass through
I embrace all of you and
I may even lead to something new

Are You the Priest?

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You were sitting at the corner
Asking for some coins for daily bread
I bowed my head and forced a smile
Then I just walked by

Later I asked myself
What did you do and what’s wrong with you
What was more pressing
More important to do

Are you the priest singing songs
Yet no cross and no heart
To love your neigbour
As you love God

Ego and the Vastness of Self (part three)

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Just as I had finished writing the second part I realised I couldn’t stop there. I am also sorry if some of you almost experienced me getting into to preaching, and maybe also preaching a “Christian” and exclusive message. That is not what I meant to do. At least not giving an exclusive message only for religious people or even Christians. What I am pointing to is a universal message that is possible to experience for a believer and an atheist alike. When I say atheist, I do believe so, but the person might not stay atheist for the rest of his/her life, if the Vastness are truly and deeply experienced. At least that is my humble opinion.

I do not think my last blog post was on to the message of transformation. It was about the limited usefulness of the ego, and where to place the ego in the hiearchy of self knowledge and understanding. This last part of the topic “Ego and the Vastness of Self” will therefore say more about the transformation of the ego or transformation of the individual. Because a transformation is unavoidable if people get exposed to the Vastness, at least if you spend time with it in silence. Time in silence, can be difficult and painful, but it will bear fruits eventually. That is my experience.

I ended the last blog post by mentioning the dark night of the soul and it is almost unfair to end my writing there. That is since the Dark night of the soul truly is a dark and very seriously painful experience. It should and must not be taken lightly. Some people experiencing this painful process, even come to believe that they will not return to life. Partly that is also true. Just not true in the sense your life will end or you ego will die. It is true, because when you “wake up” from the “sleep” of the dark night, you have changed and you have transformed in one way or the other. You have dug deeper, and in and through the darkness you will eventually realize you have also struck gold.

So what is this gold to be found beyond our ego? It is not so much an ego death – but it is a change in the way you relate to yourself, your ego and others, and their egos. The gold is to see and get to know something other, deeper than your ego. This is what Paul in the NT also found after three days of total blindness. The Light had hit him so brightly and strongly so he went blind, he went into at least a night of his physical eyeseeing. When he became seeing again, his life was transformed.

Some people speak of the death of ego. I do not believe in that. It is possible, but it will also kill “you” and your experience of this world. We cannot become only spiritual beings looking into the Vastness. We need the ego to function in our daily lives. That being said, we also need to put the ego in its proper space. We need to visit the Vastness. Often.

Again that is why I am blogging. It is because I have tasted, I have seen this Vastness, at least a tiny fragment of it. And I am eager to experience more of this Being, in order to find inspiration for living my life here on Earth. I have always been a truthseeker, and if you have read the whole of this blog series, I believe you are one too. I do believe this is what is common among humans, it is that we are not filled and satisfied before we touch the realm of Spirit. And then also the Spirit is experienced in glimpses mostly.

This is a difficult topic to explain and elaborate upon. Even my try here is a feeble one, and maybe I shouldn’t have tried. The Muslims speak of the hundred names for God. That is to say. the Mystery can be explained in so many ways, in so many colors and words. Yet, it would not be a Mystery if we could fully explain it. So I cannot pretend I know it all. The truth is, that I really do not know. But what I think I know, what I feel I know, what I my intuition tells me I know, I want to share with you. It is up to you to investigate further, go on the deeper and further journey, or if will not you can toss these ideas away.

So maybe, this is it, the rest of the blog here speaks for itself when it comes to pointers to this Vastness and how to reach it, or rather how to be reached by it. Now the rest is up to you and how you are guided along your path. I do believe though that a wise person grow by listening to wisdom from others. Among my words, I do humbly believe, there also is, some nutritious wisdom for life.

Blessings on your further journey, my friend 🙏