Now I want to hide
To find refuge within
Away from words and ideas
Away from creed and certainty
I am even tired of myself
Too much out there
Not enough in here
Help me, because I have sinned
I chose image over truth
Now having seen my image,
I find I am done
I am coming home
Into myself, a place,
not crowded by words and deeds
Yet, a wide, deep, open space of You
Let me hide here, until,
You, are all there is
What if there is no other agenda,
than for you to find the real You
If only you could let down,
your guard, your mask, your pretense
What if there is true love to find,
in the divine connection within
Wrapped in shadows,
yet rich in gold and truth
What if you could learn from,
secrets whispered in the dark
Your eyes were meant to see,
more than what is seen without
Can you have trust,
in a darkness glowing, silence loud
Can you take the time
Can you handle the wait
You’re in for a surprise
A surprise of luminous light
It will be a joy of the deeper kind,
which flows from rich wells within
When you give up your former walk
When you stop your reasoning, your talk
When you listen and focus
In this liminal space, you’ll find the Blue Spark
And that is when it all begins…
I have been thinking about this question, what is a poem? We all know of course that there is not only one type of poem, but many, depending on the poet’s taste and style. I have realized that writing poems has become a spiritual practice and habit of mine, even though inspiration and ideas come and go. That is how it is. Other than that, my poems are unique in the way that I have found them in my own heart. There is also a certain style I have come to develop.
I would say that my poems in general are contemplative poems. With that I mean that they often are short pieces meant to stir a silent, yet heartfelt reaction in the reader. Very often they are quite personal, yet I also try to make them universal enough and open, so they may carry meaning for someone else as well. I guess, one of the reasons to write poems, yet not the main reason, is the hope that what carried meaning and hope to my heart may become meaningful for another individual too.
In addition to creating an emotional and heartfelt experience I hope my poems can be meaningful on more of a soul level as well. I find inspiration in Jungian ideas and thinking, in particular shadow work. dreams, arcetypes and individuation, so I hope some of my poems carry a deeper message often pointing toward the possibility of growth into wholeness as well.
As I decided after being at a retreat last year, I have not been posting poems or even other texts on this blog too often. I guess in order to get readers you should be posting regularly, yet I have not felt that to be my way. I realize that when I post to get likes or thumbs ups more than just to share what has been very helpful or important to me, the true fire and joy of it all often evaporates. So, I rather continue to post iregularly, if that is what it means being true to my own heart’s inspiration.
I hope, of course, that some of my poems and writing can find other people’s hearts as well, bring them some light and help them recognize their own longing soul. Maybe they can experience an ease of the loneliness on this often dark and lonely road of life toward individuation and wholeness.
A lot of my poems on this blog has been in the English language, even though my mother tongue is Norwegian. I do enjoy writing in my own language as well, particularly in New Norwegian, nynorsk, which is a particular style of Norwegian where the words often sound beautiful and may even at times more poetic. New Norwegian goes well with my particular contemplative style too. I guess I also must really accept the fact that English is not my mother tongue, and I may never reach the level of vocabulary and finesse I could hope for in English. We will see, what the future brings. For now, I hope that the ones that find this blog may find poems and texts that speak not only to minds, but hearts and soul, the deepest level, where we need to be seen and recognized. I also do believe reading a poem can be just as much a spiritual practice as writing it.
I pray that what will grow in our hearts is a trust in life, in Love, in creation and in particular also a trust in and acceptance of ourselves. I know that is very much what I need, and do think this need is quite common among my fellow wanderers. If my contemplative poems can carry a silent message and give you and others a soul felt pause in their day, an important goal for me has been reached. Yet, I will continue to remind myself that I write for and to myself first and foremost, always. For my own good and growth I need to put my heart out in writing poetry, so I can really find my own heart and soul too, and hopefully become a more and more authentic carrier of the soul gifted to me.
Peace and light to you, my friend 🦋
PS! I would love to hear from some of you out there, especially to know more about how you relate to poems, and what poems mean to you. Maybe you write poetry too? Please feel free to share about it here.
Dear Life
Dear Love
Dear Everything
I give myself to you
Please fill my heart
with your renewing Light
I want to see again
I want to find and be found
I breathe in
I breathe out
I wait in this Silence
This is my peace
Speak less
Speak less, my friend
You are hiding again
Be quiet now
Listen
Feel
Know
It will make you speechless
The quietness of
the early morning
soothes my soul
It embraces me warmly
and whispers:
–You are whole
Stillheten i
en tidlig morgen
nærer min sjel
Den omslutter meg varmt
og hvisker:
–Du er hel
Today I will just share a short note about a spiritual practice that I truly recommend. The practice is called centering prayer. It has a long tradition, and can partly be traced back to a practice of silende explained in the mystical book Cloud of Unknowing. The form in which it is practiced among many contemplative seekers today has been clarified by the well-known munk Thomas Keating. His books come recommended too, and one which dives into the topic of centering prayer is Keating’s Open Mind, Open Heart.
For myself I practice this silent attitude or prayer once a month together with some contemplative friends. We meet in a local church, and after a short introduction by the one leading the practice we sit in a circle for 2o minutes. After that we join around the table again for a short voluntarily sharing.
Many mornings, regularly, I also try to sit down alone for at least 10 minutes, taking time for a shorter version. Even though the 20 minutes are truly recommended, I find that 10 minutes are much better than not doing the practice at all.
The main goal of the practice is to sit openly in silence saying a word in your mind every time you lose your silent focus, to redirect yourself back into the open silence. This is not called a mantra, yet it is a word of your choice to think when the monkey mind starts talking. Then the goal is not to empty your mind, but to give your focus to the open silence and quietness. For some this seems similar to some mindfulness practices, but it can be said to be a little different too.
In centering prayer it is not thought so much that you will experience any particular elevation, ecstasy or felt experience of God or Divine during the practice. At least that is not what we are seeking. We seek only to be open in silence, in a restful and upright, chaired position. You may close your eyes and open your hands on your lap, but really what counts is that you can sit comfortably and attentive in an open silence.
Since there is not much more to it than what I have explained simply here, and the goal is not a spiritual experience other than attentiveness, why practice it? For me it is a time of open focus where I think my heart and soul are working, even though the feeling of it is not important. And the results you may say, will come later. If you practice for some time you may experience a change in your daily life. This silence may become a strength and something beautiful to carry within you in your day. It may help you become less reactive and activated, and more responsive to the experiences in the real world.
I word of warning if you want to try it out, which I hope you do, is that as Keating explains in other words that the first period you try this your mind may go a little crazy, and start spinning and throwing a lot of thoughts at you. Since you are not used to being in silence like this, the mind is not used to it either. It also may be that the mind and feelings come at you with really important stuff too, that you need to bring your attention to after the time of practice. A lot of unconscious and repressed things, that you have tried not to see and acknowledge maybe in a very active and perhaps stressful daily life, now may come at you with full force. If this happens you must realize that you may need someone to talk to about hidden issues in your life that now want to surface. It is really Important that you go seriously about this, otherwise you may hit a wall. I could have said more about this aspect, but will leave it at that for now. If you want to dialogue about it, please comment, and we’ll start a discussion that can become fruitful.
Now, I just hope you learned a little bit about centering prayer. For me these days I combine this practice with dream work and dream interpretation which can be very interesting and learningful. More on that later. So, try it out, this silent practice of centering prayer – if you dare 😊 I dare you, you probably won’t regret it, at least if you take note of the words of warning too.
Blessings to you!
I have been thinking it is time to do some writing for myself and for readers that may be interested in my reflections on the contemplative life and individuation. The last word, individuation (which is Jungian) was added to the blog topic title just recently because I realized that the blog is about both the contemplative life and individuation. And for me, those words and the experience of contemplation and individuation are closely related.
Contemplative lifestyle or contemplative ideas speak of values connected to silence, reflection, spiritual practices and personal growth. Individuation is for me all about growing as an individual, alone and together with others. I believe also a contemplative seeker might enjoy time by himself practicing silence in one way or the other. Reading, journaling, creating art are also often signs and needs of a contemplative heart.
These last couple of days I have been attending a conference for counselors in school and other areas. A lot of the focus has been on how to become better in including everyone, for example young people at school, and how we can be sensitive to other people in the way we speak and relate to them. Central topics there and in our times are also for example how to speak and relate respectfully and inclusive to LGBTQ+ persons including the younger generation in schools. For me this focus also speaks of individuation, a need we all have to become integrated and whole persons.
Whether you are among the minority or majority in one way or the other everyone needs to be treated with respect and love for who they say they are and who they are. As a Christian I am often discouraged by the way some Christians treat some people belonging to minorities, in particular when it comes to sexual orientation. Some Christians and others blame society and schools for teaching children the wrong ideas in this area, and they often defend these views very fervently and call them the only biblical views there are. This saddens me. I do think what we say some times when they believe they defend the Word of God, originates instead from our own fears and need for control.
I apologize for being so straightforward and maybe not all that contemplative? I believe that the person of a contemplative heart should or could be among the least to judge, yet some people find me judging them when I write the way I do today. I am sorry for that too. I do believe in love as the necessary bearer for a contemplative life and also the necessary catalyst for becoming individuated into our own person and the persons you and I are meant to be.
When I say love being the catalyst, I do also most firmly speak of selflove. If we grow in selflove I do believe we can face our own deepest shadows and fears more fully, so that we embrace more of the totality of ourselves. We are on a journey of integration of opposites within us, so we can make peace with ourselves. Out of this peace there can grow acceptance and openness towards others in all their variation.
Sometimes I think that those people that criticize others the most, also when it comes to sexual orientation, may be the ones that hasn’t been able to face their own shadows and demons. They are some times trying to hold the strong forces within at bay, sometimes also unconciously, and they are doing it by attacking other people, their choices and their ways of life. Remember Jesus criticized not seeing the log in our own eyes when we point at the (small) speck in others. This is a simple, yet profound truth, and should be reflected deeply upon (for example, ask ourselves (not always the Bible): what is it in me that reacts so strongly or need to hold such a strong opinion about something?).
For myself I think and feel that I am on this continuous journey of integration and individuation. I try to be myself now and hope for the future to be and become that person within me that is closest to the “true me” and my heart. I realize quite often that I have many things buried within and that I still need to do some digging and shadow integration. I do need to forgive myself for my wrongdoings and “wrongsayings” along my way too, yet I also trust that my failures will turn into wholeness and hopefully a deeper and deeper love, as I work on myself and “find” me (in contemplative silence, there can also be an experience of being found by Something Other and Greater than “me”).
I am now getting older but I am yet not done in my journey into wholeness. Since this process is life long (but has great leaps along the way), I normally won’t let this depress me, but mostly intrigue me and help me to live every day the best way I can. And I don’t so much want to be the socalled “best version of me”, I want to become and be the me I am meant to become and be!
Now I pray for you, as you have read this, that you will find truth within yourself and in God, truth to see who you are and who you are on your way to become and be. I pray that you will grow into more of the healthy selflove and self acceptance you need to shine and shine even brighter as you grow into the person and star you truly are. If you go back and read other texts and poems here, you will see I also speak of darkness and dark times. These are parts of the necessary suffering in life, sorry to say, to find your way in integration and individuation. To grow into wholeness is, in my mind, true holiness. And for Christians this can turn out to be the most Christian way to be!
Do also remember, friend, we are all beautiful stardust after all – peace and love to you!
PS! Scroll down to find other categories of texts and poems that may interest you.
When I have lost myself
in helping others
I may start thinking you owe me your thanks and your love
But the truth is this:
You don’t owe me anything
I just need to ground myself
In the everlasting Love of the Divine
I must sit down
Take a breath
Start over out of silence
From then on I can fly…just a little slower
Throughout my life
of loneliness and pain
I have often longed and prayed for
a union with God
to gain
This longing for union is
still very deep and strong
Sometimes overshadowed by
the action of life
yet never gone
Union still is my heart’s desire
This I strive for
in my great search
Yet maybe now I have found
a joy in life
so I feel I am living less on the edge
of a knife
Forever I am still longing
Both in silence and in sound
for this Greatest Love to abound
All the way until complete union
where all is found
A Contemplative Life 