Det er på tide nå
å sette sekken ned
og pakke ut det du har
.
Det er nå du trenger
å betrakte disse ting
du så lenge har båret på
.
Nå kan du ikke gå lengre
med så stor ei bør
Du må se hva det er
.
For det kan du greie nå
Å se hva du har båret på
Så kan børa bli lettere
.
Ta deg tid
Ta deg god tid til å se
Betrakte – omslutte – ikke forakte
.
Det du har båret på
Kan nå ENDELIG
slippes fri
I am enduring a tension
within myself
awaiting and longing for
the birth of
something new
–
I am embracing all parts
the light and the dark
I see more now
Yet I am blind to
what is still to become
–
I am drinking from
solitude
Soul arises from within
I trust the waiting
A wise man said, where your heart is, that’s where your treasure is. Ponder those words today. Think about, where is your heart? Where is your fear? Where is your joy? Even, who are you, really, deepest within?
Carl Jung said, where your fear is that’s where your task is. I believe sometimes our fear, our joy and our heart’s yearnings are closely knit together.
I remember as a teenager I was thinking deeply about the nature of man’s and my own heart. I asked myself, am I good or am I evil, deepest within. It was a difficult and painful question to ask. Especially when there were no wise guides around to discuss the question with me.
This idea of maybe being evil brought a lot of worry and anxiety into my life early on. I have spent much of my life figuring out the answer to this question. And fortunately I have met some wise guides on this difficult path. It took a while for me to realize that what had been dark in my life, would show me my path and my own heart.
Some of my guides were wise authors, other were people I met at different stages of my life. I thank God for bringing these guides, both in written form, and through friendships. Without these sharers of wisdom I would have been at a very different place today, yes, maybe even dead.
Growing up in the Pentecostal church has brought me both joys and scars. I am a person inclined to trust people, whether they are pastors, preachers, authors or friends. But of course this has meant being burnt many times. And yes, that is life, the pain of life.
Fortunately growing through my pain and sorrow, both through my own effort, and with a “little help from my friends” has helped me grow and transform. Now I don’t only hear a preacher talk about the love of God or The Divine. Now I do know it from my own experience.
We shouldn’t underestimate the power of experience, both the bad and the good experiences. Deep thinking and experience are powerful motors. Especially if these are combined with some good reading, good conversations, even pain and sorrow and eventually a bit of silence.
Readers of my blog have probably realised that I am a supporter and follower of the contemplative way, the way of sitting in silence with an intention. Being silent with the intention of letting thoughts rest, and being open to a deeper awareness have helped me connect to my deepest within.
And what have I found? Let med tell you, please read it slowly. This is the treasure I have found walking through my darkness, valleys and from sitting in silence:
This treasure is
Love
Yes, this treasure is
Love
Inside out! Yes, read it again!
This treasure is
Love
In my soul there is a room that opens doors into my eyes, body and senses. Often I sense a hushing of a wind. I also hear a quiet whisper of a beautiful voice.
Yet this is not all.
If I sit in a restful quietness these voices, hushings and whisperings turn into complete silence. Beautiful they are.
But now no thing is happening.
Everything waits.
As I sit.
In silence.
My senses, body and eyes grow accustomed to the silence.
Soon I rise and walk.
Out into this life of every thing.
Suddenly something starts rising within.
I almost feel like singing or jumping for joy.
Because everywhere I am looking and sensing I see and hear transferring and transforming from deepest within.
The beautiful singing of a new morning.
Today I am thinking about the desperate need for wise teachers, instead of blind preachers. Growing up in the Pentecostal movement in Norway has given me good things, but also a lot of wounds and bad things. The good thing is the focus on the Holy Spirit and joy. Bad things are a negative view on the human soul and the world. I have had to do a lot of painful relearning and reconstruction in my now soon 50 years on this Earth.
I remember one Pentecostal preacher preaching to a big congregation, we are all zeros!! But, he said, Jesus is a number one, so with him we are a million! Outrageous, I thought in my then literal thinking teenager mind, and confronted this preacher with is terrible lowlife preaching. Why do you preach so negatively about God’s beloveds I asked him. His sad, and even only answer, was, I guess that’s how I often feel, like a zero. To me this is a good example of the blind preaching I am talking about. You are zeros, because I, your pastor, feels that way. Wow!!
Instead of the message above, a wise teaching could be, Jesus is one, because he was one with God, and so are you. When you feel like a lowlife, you should know, this is not how God feels and thinks about you. He loves you, never leaves you and He/She/They lives/live within you. As the Celtics even say, our soul is not in our body, but our body is in the Soul! Amen!!
I am very thankful for the wise teachers and guides that I have met on my path and in my search in the wilderness and even despair. Henri Nouwen was one of them. I fed on his books, and remember the very small but important book, The Inner Voice of Love. Wow, what I message, what a healing! He even wrote a book called Wounded Healer, another great blessing.
I could also mention other wise guides like Michael Singer, and his The Untethered Soul, and Richard Rohr and his Everything Belongs (the title itself says it all!) and Falling Upward. In Falling Upward Rohr shares his vision in a distilled form, about the second journey in life. Also, let us not forget his important inspiration, the spiritual psychoanalyst Carl Jung.
So, instead of many more details today, I leave you with this important note: seek out some of the wise teachers with the honest, transformational message and wisdom. And step away from blind preachers that only pull you down and hurt you. Yes, step away and seek soul. You’ll truly know it when you find food freeing to your soul.
Since I believe in contemplation I also lean on grace and surrender to the mystical way. So do some reading, sit in silence and surrender to the Love and Guidance you have within. Bless you!
Sunday morning
Alone at the cottage
Alone with myself
God and the wind
Got here last night
Tired and frustrated
Discouraged
I have wounded and been wounded
Had some baggage with me
Very tired
Feeling accused
Need to sort these feelings out
Longing for connection
Feeling betrayed and criticized
Not able to live up to others’ expectations
Neither my own
Longing for friendship
Fellowship
Space to breathe in
A need for passion
For now I am in hiding
From everyone and everything
Yet not from God
Not from myself
Tears build up and escape
In waves
I sense a change
Maybe I am just getting more tired
Some people prefer speed and action
To me relationships come first
Some people love the doing
I am more into human being
I hear the wind howling
It is raining
The Fall has fallen
I am ready to pray
I cry out to the Lord
My God and Creator
The One who loves me
Calls me their Beloved
You my God
I thank you because you see
You see us in our existence
You see us in our wilderness
You experience our joy
Our pain
Longing and sorrow
Allways there
I live with You
You live in me
I breathe your life
My innermost is You
In our deepest longing
You are there
Deep within us
And all around
You who lives in all
Given us all your life
I call upon you
Longing to be near you
The rain is hammering
Good to be inside
Alone
Yet together
My God is here
The Divine
My all my life
My call
I desire guidance
To live from within
I am ready
Now
The rain stops
It is silent
Very silent
I am in the waiting
I am contemplating living from the center. By center I mean living from your true self as some like to call it. You may also call it the Seat of Self. It is the center were mystics of all religions and spiritual traditions meet. This center is what helps me “see” that I as a Christian have a lot in common with a Sufis and a Kabbalists. Even though there are many things I don’t know about those other traditions.
I think it is very helpful for people at different stages in their lives to truly see and find their center. This center which can be found within us, is something other than our ego, thoughts and feelings. The more we live from this center and “look out” from it, the more we realise what’s important in our lives and relationships. When we relate to ourselves in this way, it helps us accept and relate to others and the world in a calmer and more genuine and even forgiving way.
I have chosen this image above for many reasons. First of all, and reason enough in itself, was that I found it very beautiful. Secondly, I liked the way the flower was darker on its edges and brighter in the center. It works as a symbol for the spiritual life, yes even as a symbol for the human life. Living through our darkness reveals to us more and more what we need to see to truly live from our hearts, our deepest selves.
Living in the darkness of one of those flower petals can be a terrible experience. The petal is great as well, so can the dark times be. For some these darker times become dark nights of senses and the soul, as John of the Cross wrote so fervently about.
In Buddhism I believe there are expressions like bright darkness or luminous darkness. And even as a Christian I think that is a beautiful description. What seems to be the darkest of night may reveal healing truths so night is transformed into the brightest of day. After the deepest darkness there can be an experience of great light, even joy and bliss.
I believe that if more people started to practice sitting in silence or for example practice centering prayer, they would eventually find and see the beautiful truth of living from center, or living from a different center than we normally do. That is, living from our deepest Self, which is Love, instead of our ego and very often reactive feelings and thoughts.
If you were to lay aside the thoughts and feelings stirring for a few minutes in silence during your day, this may be very difficult, but yet you may also be in for a beautiful surprise. But beware, you may have to pass through long stretches of darkness, sorrow and pain, to find this bright shining Light! For the darkness is always luminous. Blessings to you on your journey!
Did you know
There is a door
A doorway to the
Garden
This door is
A Doorway of Silence
Is it not true? That there is a season for everything as the Old Book tells us? Everything is continually changing and transforming. Life is flowing in dynamical ways. And you and I and we get to partake in this eternal flow of life. It is tricky, it is sad, it is so full of grief, yet so full of longing, joy, beauty and creativity.
The winter time, in real life and spiritually too, can be a dark and cold time, a time of hiding in the quietness. Yet also, this time of coldness and dying, is a preparation, a silent growing of new lifeflow. There can be great pain in the dying which is part of a new creation.
I love the story of the prodigal son in the New Testament, particularly the phrase, ‘then he came to himself’. Dying and renewal is painful, but also a transformation into new ways of seeing. This deep dive into dark mystery can create a new sense of aliveness and a deeper joy.
But again, the grief, the pain can be very dark. It can feel like all hope is lost. You feel lost at sea, with no shore in sight. I am reminded by Paul’s blindness after the bright revelation of Jesus on the road to Damascus. He could not see for several days. But there was a divine working taking place deep within him. This was not a time for his ordinary senses, only a time for transformational blindness.
Somewhere in the prophet book of Isaiah it is said that God will tell us secrets in the dark times. Maybe in days of darkness we are divinely blinded? You may feel like you shut down for a time, but is it only for change and renewal to take hold?
Does this make sense to you? Do you believe in change and transformation? Can you trust that along with the pain there is also a rebirth of new life? Could it be that when our eyes eventually are opened we are in for a great surprise?
Blessings to you!
It is a lovely place
To be
Embraced
By Thee
A Contemplative Life 