«The highest, most decisive experience is to be alone with one’s own self. You must be alone to find out what supports you, when you find that you can not support yourself. Only this can give you an indestructible foundation.”

Carl Gustav Jung, Collected Works 12

I have opened this text by sharing, in my opinion, an excellent quote from Carl Jung. This is a quote that really speaks to me now, and a quote which can lead me further on my contemplative path. The reason why it touches me is, I think, that I realize I do a lot of things to get attention. I do a lot for others to see me, to love me and accept me. But what I do know deep within is, that it is mostly in vain.

What is to support me is not in the other more than it is within me. I need to seek and find this indestructible foundation, which is what can truly support me. I think it was the need for this foundation, a longing for it, that made me embark on this contemplative journey in the first place.

One interest I have is collecting icons, holy images of saints and holy persons and from stories in the Bible. I have been on several trips to Crete, Greece, where I have been taken by the beauty of the icons and touched by the direct experience of them, an experience that quenches some of the thirst within me, my deepest soul. In my soul is the place where I am truly seen, truly embraced and loved for who I am. I do also experience a sense of peace, and love, when I look at the icons, especially the eyes of the holy persons displayed.

Even when others do not share this interest of mine in icons, I do still believe, the need to be seen, to be known, is one thing all humans have in common. And we do search for this during our whole lives, more or less. Those who search this less, I believe, may be those who have grown into to more wisdom, and now they just know.

I am also reminded of one thing Carl Jung said, when he was asked whether he believed in God or not. He said something like, “I don’t believe, I don’t need to believe, because I know”. This is the knowing I also am talking about, when I name those wiser and even more in rest in the love for themselves and others. They just know. They have an inner knowledge and experience, that is beyond what our ego can provide, something which is deeper and closer to us than ourselves. This is something of the Divine within us, and sensing this can help us grow into this knowing. This again is what keeps me on the contemplative path in life.

Very soon I am going away on a silent retreat for four days. This will be my first experience of such a retreat. It is about time, I think, when I am in my fifthieth year now, to spend a few days in silence and silent reflection and prayer. It is one way of telling myself too, that I am serious about choosing this contemplative path. You may have seen that I have been trying to write about this retreat in my blog posts lately especially in my poems.

I have come to the understanding through my experiences with centering prayer and my reading, of Keating amongst others, that I am not to expect any special experiences, like excuberant joy and ecstasy in this time of silent practice. I am also not to seek these things first. but I am only to seek the silence itself and be open. So, that is what I am planning to do, to spend a lot of time in silence, and maybe also do some light reading and journalling. Part from this there is a retreat-leader that will be sharing something about silence as a contemplative path each day. Having few expectations is helpful I think, so I stay grounded and am more focused on the silence and the openness, instead of wasting energy searching for or expecting something extraordinary.

I have a little worry, that it possibly will be challenging. That is not so much the silence in itself, but what can come up in me, of difficult and suppressed feelings, which can become heavy to bear. I started this text by referring to Carl Jung’s words about the indestructible foundation. A hope I have is that if the silence helps me process some of my painful feelings and grief, this might lead me closer to this foundation. I do believe that this foundation, is something of a more divine quality, and it is beyond my ego, my thoughts and feelings. Yet, I have become certain that feelings need to be felt, in order to be processed and transformed before a letting go of them.

Maybe this retreat can, at least as an effect in the days after, help me realize that my deep inner Eye, is what truly can see me and uphold me, it can accept me and quench my desire for outer support? Maybe the retreat can even cure me from the need to collect icons, to be seen by outer holy eyes, because what they carry is only a lesser duplication and reflection of the true Mirror that I carry within, in my soul.

Thank you for patience in reading, and peace and love to you! Feel free to share your own thoughts and reflections in the comments.