Dark Side – Part One

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Not being able to truly love and accept others in their imperfect and beautiful state is deeply connected to not loving ourselves fully. The rejection felt from others could be a mirroring of your own rejection of yourself. Seeing your own darkness, even evil, can be surprisingly freeing. When you truly see “it all”, and you contemplate your dark side, you find there is nothing to defend anymore. This is also when you see that you are in need of forgiveness, and also need to continuously forgive yourself and love yourself in spite of some evil tendencies lurking within.

Even so, I am still wondering whether the evil in us can be pure evil per se, or if it’s always just a distortion that creates these moods, motives and reactionary patterns? As for myself, I do want to, actually have to, and even need to believe that at the far deepest level, there is only love, pure love. But is it so? Do I need to realize that the evil I find actually is evil? For now, and maybe forever, I choose to believe love is the transcending force.

My point here today is anyhow that it is liberating to embrace your darkness and the evil you face within, not to become more evil and do evil, but in order to tackle rejection better. Seeing it, makes you realize that you are not all pure and nice, and then you can accept this fact. This can be a true and good humiliation I think, since it helps you tolerate others’ smaller or greater weaknesses better. I am not at all supporting evil and definitely not the evil of abuse and violence in different forms, but I am saying that accepting, forgiving and then loving yourself is what helps you grow into love of others.

There is also a Divine love within and all around. This is the Beauty that saves us inspite of the evil we find within and without. Peace 🦋🙏

Dream of Flooding

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He is sitting in the deep forest
Looking at three big bookcases towering towards the sky
Suddenly the left bookcase starts trembling
It crashes head down into the forest’s floor making the other cases fall

He has escaped to this hill nearby
Just in time before great waves of water flood the place
The great bookcases are lost in the water
He escaped it together with her

They are standing there on this hill above the water
The water rises and suddenly currents overcome him
She is standing there as a pillar at the top of the hill
Not taken by the tumultuous waters

The currents and waves of water bring him to the side of the hill
And then down on the side
Down
Down
Down
At an ever increasing speed

She is still standing firmly on the hill
Waters all around but she is not overcome
He is lost down on the side
Brought down by a river of tremendous power

His world has fallen
Now only the deep waters know
What is to come
And what role she is to play

Treasure

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A wise man said, where your heart is, that’s where your treasure is. Ponder those words today. Think about, where is your heart? Where is your fear? Where is your joy? Even, who are you, really, deepest within?

Carl Jung said, where your fear is that’s where your task is. I believe sometimes our fear, our joy and our heart’s yearnings are closely knit together.

I remember as a teenager I was thinking deeply about the nature of man’s and my own heart. I asked myself, am I good or am I evil, deepest within. It was a difficult and painful question to ask. Especially when there were no wise guides around to discuss the question with me.

This idea of maybe being evil brought a lot of worry and anxiety into my life early on. I have spent much of my life figuring out the answer to this question. And fortunately I have met some wise guides on this difficult path. It took a while for me to realize that what had been dark in my life, would show me my path and my own heart.

Some of my guides were wise authors, other were people I met at different stages of my life. I thank God for bringing these guides, both in written form, and through friendships. Without these sharers of wisdom I would have been at a very different place today, yes, maybe even dead.

Growing up in the Pentecostal church has brought me both joys and scars. I am a person inclined to trust people, whether they are pastors, preachers, authors or friends. But of course this has meant being burnt many times. And yes, that is life, the pain of life.

Fortunately growing through my pain and sorrow, both through my own effort, and with a “little help from my friends” has helped me grow and transform. Now I don’t only hear a preacher talk about the love of God or The Divine. Now I do know it from my own experience.

We shouldn’t underestimate the power of experience, both the bad and the good experiences. Deep thinking and experience are powerful motors. Especially if these are combined with some good reading, good conversations, even pain and sorrow and eventually a bit of silence.

Readers of my blog have probably realised that I am a supporter and follower of the contemplative way, the way of sitting in silence with an intention. Being silent with the intention of letting thoughts rest, and being open to a deeper awareness have helped me connect to my deepest within.

And what have I found? Let med tell you, please read it slowly. This is the treasure I have found walking through my darkness, valleys and from sitting in silence:

This treasure is

Love

Yes, this treasure is

Love

Inside out! Yes, read it again!

This treasure is

Love

New Visions

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Now is a time for dreams unfolding

Thoughts and feelings unloading

It is a time for new visions

In fires and through darkness these seeds have grown

Former flowers were burnt to ashes

New seeds were sown

These seeds have grown into form

New visions for times to come

An unfolding of quiet glory

It is bliss transmuted from darkness

Bright darkness had blinded you

Yet now, your thorns have been removed

Your eyes have healed

And sight will return

A New Morning

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In my soul there is a room that opens doors into my eyes, body and senses. Often I sense a hushing of a wind. I also hear a quiet whisper of a beautiful voice.
Yet this is not all.

If I sit in a restful quietness these voices, hushings and whisperings turn into complete silence. Beautiful they are.
But now no thing is happening.
Everything waits.
As I sit.
In silence.

My senses, body and eyes grow accustomed to the silence.
Soon I rise and walk.
Out into this life of every thing.

Suddenly something starts rising within.
I almost feel like singing or jumping for joy.
Because everywhere I am looking and sensing I see and hear transferring and transforming from deepest within.
The beautiful singing of a new morning.

How the Way of Seeing Yourself Changes Everything

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I just started reading again today in Michael Singer’s follow-up book to the amazing The Untethered Soul. This second book is called Living Untethered, and seems to be just as full of wise nuggets of gold as the first book.

Some time ago I had this experience of being a watcher to and observer of the outside world. It was a difficult time in my life or about to come difficult at least. What I saw was that I was kind of outside the physical world, yet still there passing through as I was driving by some familiar places in my car. It was as me being there didn’t have an impact. Everything was happening whether I was there or not. An experience like this can bring forth sadness, still the experience was profound in its nature. Even though it felt like a dying at the time, it can later be seen from another perspective. It is this other perspective Martin Singer explains so well. That’s why I recommend reading his books so much.

The first title of this text that I later changed was “What the Mystic Sees”. I changed it because I want to express that this seeing is not something only a chosen few can see. Indeed, it is available for everyone. The mystical way is not some occult or obscure spiritual tradition. It is actually about seeing who you really are.

To me it has become clear partly by digesting the wisdom of Michael Singer’s books among others, and partly through my own experience. I will stress the last point, experience, it is of great importance. Do not underestimate your own experience! Some of you may have grown up in traditions or churches that didn’t value your own personal experience and reasoning. That is very dangerous.

So what did I find through my own personal experience and when do I experience this truth most clearly? Let me explain in just a few more words.

I have found through my own personal experience that in the deepest sense I am not my thoughts and feelings, I am something other. Singer would call it the Observer. Gary Zukav would call it the Seat of Self. I have found, like them that there is a huge difference between the personal ego and the deepest observing self. The example from my life I mentioned earlier was more of an observer’s experience than an ego personal experience, or maybe it was an experience of both.

Do you see it too? I am sure you have had this experience of time standing still, and just being in the moment, forgetting both thoughts and feelings? That’s what I am talking about. I am so happy I have experienced this truth because it frees me to live more in peace, and even more confidently since you go from a tendency to trust instead of fear.

So how to experience this as a more continual experience? This is where contemplation and silence come in. Some people practice sitting in silence for some minutes every day. Some call it Centering prayer (Thomas Keating), and practice 20 minutes of silence twice daily. Whatever you do, if you want to experience more of this other Self, I do believe we at least need to practice some silence, reading, reflecting, yet also even go for hikes in nature. It is in nature we often experience these beautiful and transcending moments of time standing still.

One last point I would like to make is that once you have crossed the line and live more in this mystical way, it will actually be easier to be you, both in your ego and in soul. When you realize deeply that feelings and thoughts are not all you are, and even maybe not what you truly are, it will get easier to work on and with your ego, so your ego can become the best version of itself and more useful to you. You may notice critical feedback will hurt you less, because there is not really your deepest self that is hurt, but your personal ego. Do you see it? I promise, it makes a world of difference if you do!

Recommended first reading: The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.

Wise Teachers

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Christ, The Wisest Teacher of All

Today I am thinking about the desperate need for wise teachers, instead of blind preachers. Growing up in the Pentecostal movement in Norway has given me good things, but also a lot of wounds and bad things. The good thing is the focus on the Holy Spirit and joy. Bad things are a negative view on the human soul and the world. I have had to do a lot of painful relearning and reconstruction in my now soon 50 years on this Earth.

I remember one Pentecostal preacher preaching to a big congregation, we are all zeros!! But, he said, Jesus is a number one, so with him we are a million! Outrageous, I thought in my then literal thinking teenager mind, and confronted this preacher with is terrible lowlife preaching. Why do you preach so negatively about God’s beloveds I asked him. His sad, and even only answer, was, I guess that’s how I often feel, like a zero. To me this is a good example of the blind preaching I am talking about. You are zeros, because I, your pastor, feels that way. Wow!!

Instead of the message above, a wise teaching could be, Jesus is one, because he was one with God, and so are you. When you feel like a lowlife, you should know, this is not how God feels and thinks about you. He loves you, never leaves you and He/She/They lives/live within you. As the Celtics even say, our soul is not in our body, but our body is in the Soul! Amen!!

I am very thankful for the wise teachers and guides that I have met on my path and in my search in the wilderness and even despair. Henri Nouwen was one of them. I fed on his books, and remember the very small but important book, The Inner Voice of Love. Wow, what I message, what a healing! He even wrote a book called Wounded Healer, another great blessing.

I could also mention other wise guides like Michael Singer, and his The Untethered Soul, and Richard Rohr and his Everything Belongs (the title itself says it all!) and Falling Upward. In Falling Upward Rohr shares his vision in a distilled form, about the second journey in life. Also, let us not forget his important inspiration, the spiritual psychoanalyst Carl Jung.

So, instead of many more details today, I leave you with this important note: seek out some of the wise teachers with the honest, transformational message and wisdom. And step away from blind preachers that only pull you down and hurt you. Yes, step away and seek soul. You’ll truly know it when you find food freeing to your soul.

Since I believe in contemplation I also lean on grace and surrender to the mystical way. So do some reading, sit in silence and surrender to the Love and Guidance you have within. Bless you!

24 Hour Hermit

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Sunday morning

Alone at the cottage

Alone with myself

God and the wind

Got here last night

Tired and frustrated

Discouraged

I have wounded and been wounded

Had some baggage with me

Very tired

Feeling accused

Need to sort these feelings out

Longing for connection

Feeling betrayed and criticized

Not able to live up to others’ expectations

Neither my own

Longing for friendship

Fellowship

Space to breathe in

A need for passion

For now I am in hiding

From everyone and everything

Yet not from God

Not from myself

Tears build up and escape

In waves

I sense a change

Maybe I am just getting more tired

Some people prefer speed and action

To me relationships come first

Some people love the doing

I am more into human being

I hear the wind howling

It is raining

The Fall has fallen

I am ready to pray

I cry out to the Lord

My God and Creator

The One who loves me

Calls me their Beloved

You my God

I thank you because you see

You see us in our existence

You see us in our wilderness

You experience our joy

Our pain

Longing and sorrow

Allways there

I live with You

You live in me

I breathe your life

My innermost is You

In our deepest longing

You are there

Deep within us

And all around

You who lives in all

Given us all your life

I call upon you

Longing to be near you

The rain is hammering

Good to be inside

Alone

Yet together

My God is here

The Divine

My all my life

My call

I desire guidance

To live from within

I am ready

Now

The rain stops

It is silent

Very silent

I am in the waiting

Exam

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I am sitting here all prepped and ready

Ready for a presentation about the English-speaking-world

I am in survival mode

This is my ego show

*

It is one of many tests

Tests to help my ego consolidate and grow

I am all in for it now

Ready – go

*

Little do I yet know

This is only a necessary show

Before the greater exam

Which is yet come

*

It will come later

At a time I am ready

This is no joke

No fun time, no show

*

Yet I must learn

That my ego must burn

This exam will feel like dying

But I will strike gold