Inspiration

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I sense an inspiration
Fire and river
It is all a part
of you and of me

Life is a living dream
Life is wild
Yes, life is a party
That is true

Still, this blood runs deep
The voice of inspiration,
more of a whisper,
than a thunder loud

This sense of inspiration,
is a call from the river within
It finds its strength
from all forces unified

So, life is a party, yes
Yet, it is also a call
Life is meant to be lived,
by the tall and the small

In the end,
what really mattered,
was not the idea or the image,
the fame or the show,
but a faithful trust in this flow

Something Calls Me

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Something calls me to listen to some music and sit down and write. Something I do not know what is, or the depth of it. As I was taking a relaxing stretch on the floor an inner voice spoke clearly to me, get up and start writing. Start writing, start writing.

I sense this great urge, this power, this presence, this energy, this almost painful drive, to keep the creativity coming.

And I don’t know what is coming. Do I have to? No, I don’t think so. Now it is all about trust, a deep trust in life, a calling, and the presence flowing from within. This is what makes me feel very alive in this moment, this small, yet for me, significant moment of eternity.

I do not need to know it all, do not need to separate black from white, since the truth is in neither. That is what has come to me lately. What is truth? Is it black, white, conservative, progressive or whatever. And I say again, it is neither. The truth lies at another level, not separate, yet still beyond.

I sense I have found, or been found, by something profound. There is a deep process, a deep change going on. So that is why I was called to sit down and write. I cannot rest without it. And God knows, I do need rest, I do need to sleep also, because this soulful process is very impactful and takes it toll.

Still, I am not going too deep underground, I am also not rising above to celestial realms, but this “divine” wisdom is being imparted to me. I do not now know its form, I do not know where it leads. I only know and trust in the goodness of it.

Or maybe it is even beyond the category good or love, is it something all encompassing, a new totality? A new, great window to look through, a new inspiration to live by and from. Thank you, thank you, it makes me thankful. And I do believe thankfulness is a good thing. In the midst of everything, the darkness and the light, there is a way of thankfulness. So, thank you!

Okay, that’s it, it may stop here, or it may go on from here. What is the beginning, what is the end? I do not know. I only know I am curious, eager to find out, excited to be alive. It is a resurrection of the new, a revelation is coming. That I sense, that I know. And, I will let you in on a secret, it is not from me, or not even for me, alone, it is for the world to see and know. It is for you, you, they, us, we and myself. It is something to be shared.

I am closing my eyes. At times they feel tired. And my body aches. Like this is a bit too much. Am I going crazy? I sense the answer is no, and I am encouraged not to fear. This is all a gift. I am being made ready. A change is coming.

I take another deep breath. The music is singing in my ears, the rhythm is strong and felt. Something is stirring. Am I crazy, am I a fool? No, an inner voice tells me. You’re just in the waiting for transcendence. Transcendence? What is that?

It is like something has been in the preparation for a long time, it is like the dawn is about to break. A new light will reveal itself. It is not me, it is not you, but we will know it. We will know it, learn from it, love it, and be loved.

Be loved? Earlier I said this could even be beyond the usual categories of black, white, love, fear, yet maybe a bottom or a ground here still, is love. Since what can be greater than love? Maybe it is just that this love is beyond my imagination, it is stronger, greater, wider than my heart can see, be, give or share. Because, this is not me, it is not you. Yet, it is for us!

For us? Wow, how can it be for us? The song I am listening to just mentioned perfume. What a magnificent word, per-fume? A fume of what? A fume of the greatest love? I do not know, I do not know, but I open myself to it, this scent.

Please, help me, to go where I am supposed to, do what I am meant to do. My life is just a glimpse anyway, so I would like this glimpse not to be great, but to be well spent. Yes, not great, but beyond what we think we know. Oh, the world is hungry. Yes, so tired, and hungry.

You say, you are with me. I reply, and I am with You. This I know.

Table’s Hall

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Sitting at the round table
Sharing poems, stories and dreams
In the moment,
faces and smiles ablaze

Around this table together
Leaning into each other
Listening deeply,
joy and laughter flowing

Hearts speaking, souls sharing
Living a dream,
yet this presence, is real
Amazement, excitement to feel

Salamanders burning
Table’s now turning
Releasing deepest yearning
Oh, lives untold, glory to behold

Tales of revelation
We are here to be known
Dancing freely now,
around a luminous table of tables

Wild and alive we are
Ready for another journey
Later we’ll sit down to tell our tales
Now, on hearing the call,
Let’s leave this old table’s hall

 

World in a Stone

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I sense something has changed in me
                             I am thankful, light and free

                                                                                                                I see the whole world in a stone

Above Clouds

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As I walked into the darkness
I didn’t know my way
I came to this mountain,
considered hiding in its side
Yet, I was in for a peculiar hike
while having this talk with my Self

My feet found a ladder
Up or down, I didn’t know
But step by step I went
After the long, dark hike,
and a last, great climb,
I found a place above the clouds

In a sudden glimpse,
I had this view,
of an endless open space 
There I knew
not only more of me, 
but more of You 

Strangely enough,
it made me feel,
light and free, yes,
and very real

Beautiful Stardust

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I have been thinking it is time to do some writing for myself and for readers that may be interested in my reflections on the contemplative life and individuation. The last word, individuation (which is Jungian) was added to the blog topic title just recently because I realized that the blog is about both the contemplative life and individuation. And for me, those words and the experience of contemplation and individuation are closely related.

Contemplative lifestyle or contemplative ideas speak of values connected to silence, reflection, spiritual practices and personal growth. Individuation is for me all about growing as an individual, alone and together with others. I believe also a contemplative seeker might enjoy time by himself practicing silence in one way or the other. Reading, journaling, creating art are also often signs and needs of a contemplative heart.

These last couple of days I have been attending a conference for counselors in school and other areas. A lot of the focus has been on how to become better in including everyone, for example young people at school, and how we can be sensitive to other people in the way we speak and relate to them. Central topics there and in our times are also for example how to speak and relate respectfully and inclusive to LGBTQ+ persons including the younger generation in schools. For me this focus also speaks of individuation, a need we all have to become integrated and whole persons.

Whether you are among the minority or majority in one way or the other everyone needs to be treated with respect and love for who they say they are and who they are. As a Christian I am often discouraged by the way some Christians treat some people belonging to minorities, in particular when it comes to sexual orientation. Some Christians and others blame society and schools for teaching children the wrong ideas in this area, and they often defend these views very fervently and call them the only biblical views there are. This saddens me. I do think what we say some times when they believe they defend the Word of God, originates instead from our own fears and need for control.

I apologize for being so straightforward and maybe not all that contemplative? I believe that the person of a contemplative heart should or could be among the least to judge, yet some people find me judging them when I write the way I do today. I am sorry for that too. I do believe in love as the necessary bearer for a contemplative life and also the necessary catalyst for becoming individuated into our own person and the persons you and I are meant to be.

When I say love being the catalyst, I do also most firmly speak of selflove. If we grow in selflove I do believe we can face our own deepest shadows and fears more fully, so that we embrace more of the totality of ourselves. We are on a journey of integration of opposites within us, so we can make peace with ourselves. Out of this peace there can grow acceptance and openness towards others in all their variation.

Sometimes I think that those people that criticize others the most, also when it comes to sexual orientation, may be the ones that hasn’t been able to face their own shadows and demons. They are some times trying to hold the strong forces within at bay, sometimes also unconciously, and they are doing it by attacking other people, their choices and their ways of life. Remember Jesus criticized not seeing the log in our own eyes when we point at the (small) speck in others. This is a simple, yet profound truth, and should be reflected deeply upon (for example, ask ourselves (not always the Bible): what is it in me that reacts so strongly or need to hold such a strong opinion about something?).

For myself I think and feel that I am on this continuous journey of integration and individuation. I try to be myself now and hope for the future to be and become that person within me that is closest to the “true me” and my heart. I realize quite often that I have many things buried within and that I still need to do some digging and shadow integration. I do need to forgive myself for my wrongdoings and “wrongsayings” along my way too, yet I also trust that my failures will turn into wholeness and hopefully a deeper and deeper love, as I work on myself and “find” me (in contemplative silence, there can also be an experience of being found by Something Other and Greater than “me”).

I am now getting older but I am yet not done in my journey into wholeness. Since this process is life long (but has great leaps along the way), I normally won’t let this depress me, but mostly intrigue me and help me to live every day the best way I can. And I don’t so much want to be the socalled “best version of me”, I want to become and be the me I am meant to become and be!

Now I pray for you, as you have read this, that you will find truth within yourself and in God, truth to see who you are and who you are on your way to become and be. I pray that you will grow into more of the healthy selflove and self acceptance you need to shine and shine even brighter as you grow into the person and star you truly are. If you go back and read other texts and poems here, you will see I also speak of darkness and dark times. These are parts of the necessary suffering in life, sorry to say, to find your way in integration and individuation. To grow into wholeness is, in my mind, true holiness. And for Christians this can turn out to be the most Christian way to be!

Do also remember, friend, we are all beautiful stardust after all – peace and love to you!

PS! Scroll down to find other categories of texts and poems that may interest you.

Chased by her

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She is running after me
with sword in hand
She is aiming for my back
Turning around I see her sword
Now pointing towards my stomach
I try to escape
I don’t want to be struck by her
and her sword
I keep running as fast as I can
I am a man, I am thinking
I must be able to win
I must escape her
Yet she quickens her pace
Now this is truly a race
What if I just give up and surrender
What if I let her strike me
What if blood erupts from the wound
Deep red, deep feeling

Dream of Flooding

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He is sitting in the deep forest
Looking at three big bookcases towering towards the sky
Suddenly the left bookcase starts trembling
It crashes head down into the forest’s floor making the other cases fall

He has escaped to this hill nearby
Just in time before great waves of water flood the place
The great bookcases are lost in the water
He escaped it together with her

They are standing there on this hill above the water
The water rises and suddenly currents overcome him
She is standing there as a pillar at the top of the hill
Not taken by the tumultuous waters

The currents and waves of water bring him to the side of the hill
And then down on the side
Down
Down
Down
At an ever increasing speed

She is still standing firmly on the hill
Waters all around but she is not overcome
He is lost down on the side
Brought down by a river of tremendous power

His world has fallen
Now only the deep waters know
What is to come
And what role she is to play

Wise Teachers

Christ, The Wisest Teacher of All

Today I am thinking about the desperate need for wise teachers, instead of blind preachers. Growing up in the Pentecostal movement in Norway has given me good things, but also a lot of wounds and bad things. The good thing is the focus on the Holy Spirit and joy. Bad things are a negative view on the human soul and the world. I have had to do a lot of painful relearning and reconstruction in my now soon 50 years on this Earth.

I remember one Pentecostal preacher preaching to a big congregation, we are all zeros!! But, he said, Jesus is a number one, so with him we are a million! Outrageous, I thought in my then literal thinking teenager mind, and confronted this preacher with is terrible lowlife preaching. Why do you preach so negatively about God’s beloveds I asked him. His sad, and even only answer, was, I guess that’s how I often feel, like a zero. To me this is a good example of the blind preaching I am talking about. You are zeros, because I, your pastor, feels that way. Wow!!

Instead of the message above, a wise teaching could be, Jesus is one, because he was one with God, and so are you. When you feel like a lowlife, you should know, this is not how God feels and thinks about you. He loves you, never leaves you and He/She/They lives/live within you. As the Celtics even say, our soul is not in our body, but our body is in the Soul! Amen!!

I am very thankful for the wise teachers and guides that I have met on my path and in my search in the wilderness and even despair. Henri Nouwen was one of them. I fed on his books, and remember the very small but important book, The Inner Voice of Love. Wow, what I message, what a healing! He even wrote a book called Wounded Healer, another great blessing.

I could also mention other wise guides like Michael Singer, and his The Untethered Soul, and Richard Rohr and his Everything Belongs (the title itself says it all!) and Falling Upward. In Falling Upward Rohr shares his vision in a distilled form, about the second journey in life. Also, let us not forget his important inspiration, the spiritual psychoanalyst Carl Jung.

So, instead of many more details today, I leave you with this important note: seek out some of the wise teachers with the honest, transformational message and wisdom. And step away from blind preachers that only pull you down and hurt you. Yes, step away and seek soul. You’ll truly know it when you find food freeing to your soul.

Since I believe in contemplation I also lean on grace and surrender to the mystical way. So do some reading, sit in silence and surrender to the Love and Guidance you have within. Bless you!