Layers

I wonder who I am
Or what or who is the am
I sense this is a layer,
a layer on top of another
Or is my sensing about this layer,
just another layer upon a layer
I am wondering
I am pondering
What is really going on
Is this all another trickster’s play
or am I really on my way,
deeper, further, forward,
or am I going backwards
Bewildering it is
I guess, a bit amusing too
Will I ever really know
Is someone poking fun at me
Am I the big clown, again
Or am I just truly becoming,
growing through and into,
another layer,
of a deeper reality…

Something Calls Me

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Something calls me to listen to some music and sit down and write. Something I do not know what is, or the depth of it. As I was taking a relaxing stretch on the floor an inner voice spoke clearly to me, get up and start writing. Start writing, start writing.

I sense this great urge, this power, this presence, this energy, this almost painful drive, to keep the creativity coming.

And I don’t know what is coming. Do I have to? No, I don’t think so. Now it is all about trust, a deep trust in life, a calling, and the presence flowing from within. This is what makes me feel very alive in this moment, this small, yet for me, significant moment of eternity.

I do not need to know it all, do not need to separate black from white, since the truth is in neither. That is what has come to me lately. What is truth? Is it black, white, conservative, progressive or whatever. And I say again, it is neither. The truth lies at another level, not separate, yet still beyond.

I sense I have found, or been found, by something profound. There is a deep process, a deep change going on. So that is why I was called to sit down and write. I cannot rest without it. And God knows, I do need rest, I do need to sleep also, because this soulful process is very impactful and takes it toll.

Still, I am not going too deep underground, I am also not rising above to celestial realms, but this “divine” wisdom is being imparted to me. I do not now know its form, I do not know where it leads. I only know and trust in the goodness of it.

Or maybe it is even beyond the category good or love, is it something all encompassing, a new totality? A new, great window to look through, a new inspiration to live by and from. Thank you, thank you, it makes me thankful. And I do believe thankfulness is a good thing. In the midst of everything, the darkness and the light, there is a way of thankfulness. So, thank you!

Okay, that’s it, it may stop here, or it may go on from here. What is the beginning, what is the end? I do not know. I only know I am curious, eager to find out, excited to be alive. It is a resurrection of the new, a revelation is coming. That I sense, that I know. And, I will let you in on a secret, it is not from me, or not even for me, alone, it is for the world to see and know. It is for you, you, they, us, we and myself. It is something to be shared.

I am closing my eyes. At times they feel tired. And my body aches. Like this is a bit too much. Am I going crazy? I sense the answer is no, and I am encouraged not to fear. This is all a gift. I am being made ready. A change is coming.

I take another deep breath. The music is singing in my ears, the rhythm is strong and felt. Something is stirring. Am I crazy, am I a fool? No, an inner voice tells me. You’re just in the waiting for transcendence. Transcendence? What is that?

It is like something has been in the preparation for a long time, it is like the dawn is about to break. A new light will reveal itself. It is not me, it is not you, but we will know it. We will know it, learn from it, love it, and be loved.

Be loved? Earlier I said this could even be beyond the usual categories of black, white, love, fear, yet maybe a bottom or a ground here still, is love. Since what can be greater than love? Maybe it is just that this love is beyond my imagination, it is stronger, greater, wider than my heart can see, be, give or share. Because, this is not me, it is not you. Yet, it is for us!

For us? Wow, how can it be for us? The song I am listening to just mentioned perfume. What a magnificent word, per-fume? A fume of what? A fume of the greatest love? I do not know, I do not know, but I open myself to it, this scent.

Please, help me, to go where I am supposed to, do what I am meant to do. My life is just a glimpse anyway, so I would like this glimpse not to be great, but to be well spent. Yes, not great, but beyond what we think we know. Oh, the world is hungry. Yes, so tired, and hungry.

You say, you are with me. I reply, and I am with You. This I know.

Turning

Another threshold
Leaving this image
Whatever is to come
You keep walking,
this pathless walk

Tiring show,
leaving a stage,
no more playing this way
Darkened lights,
still within they shine

Stepping down
Stepping back
Sitting down behind it all
An urgent yearning,
another dark burning

No other option
Want to live
Want to give
This again you leave
for another widening circle

Heart beat slows
Blindness grows
Yet in new rest you trust
Only this you must
Scales soon breaking

Light so bright revealed,
through ground cracking
A time for the thirsty soul
Diving all in,
in light air flying, trusting

You return again, all aflame now

Table’s Hall

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Sitting at the round table
Sharing poems, stories and dreams
In the moment,
faces and smiles ablaze

Around this table together
Leaning into each other
Listening deeply,
joy and laughter flowing

Hearts speaking, souls sharing
Living a dream,
yet this presence, is real
Amazement, excitement to feel

Salamanders burning
Table’s now turning
Releasing deepest yearning
Oh, lives untold, glory to behold

Tales of revelation
We are here to be known
Dancing freely now,
around a luminous table of tables

Wild and alive we are
Ready for another journey
Later we’ll sit down to tell our tales
Now, on hearing the call,
Let’s leave this old table’s hall

 

The New

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Walking on the surface
of a deeper life within
I cannot find my ground
So where can I stand,
when the ground is gone
I cannot find my home

This is a time of disorder
My deepest Self is in hiding
I had to protect myself,
from the eruption,
that would have broken me
to pieces

My creativity is in the dark
The change has left me no spark
What to do
What to believe
I do not know
Where do I go,
from here

Doors

I like tall doors
The wide ones too
In particular beautifully decorated ones
They are not there to make you feel small
They stand tall just to remind you
That when you are in awe
Of their grandness and beauty
That is only a mirror
For the divine image in you
If the thought of what is behind evokes fear
The width and height are there to say,
Fear not, I greet you
Now open me, pass through
I embrace all of you and
I may even lead to something new

Divine Blindness

Open Eyes

Is it not true? That there is a season for everything as the Old Book tells us? Everything is continually changing and transforming. Life is flowing in dynamical ways. And you and I and we get to partake in this eternal flow of life. It is tricky, it is sad, it is so full of grief, yet so full of longing, joy, beauty and creativity.

The winter time, in real life and spiritually too, can be a dark and cold time, a time of hiding in the quietness. Yet also, this time of coldness and dying, is a preparation, a silent growing of new lifeflow. There can be great pain in the dying which is part of a new creation.

I love the story of the prodigal son in the New Testament, particularly the phrase, ‘then he came to himself’. Dying and renewal is painful, but also a transformation into new ways of seeing. This deep dive into dark mystery can create a new sense of aliveness and a deeper joy.

But again, the grief, the pain can be very dark. It can feel like all hope is lost. You feel lost at sea, with no shore in sight. I am reminded by Paul’s blindness after the bright revelation of Jesus on the road to Damascus. He could not see for several days. But there was a divine working taking place deep within him. This was not a time for his ordinary senses, only a time for transformational blindness.

Somewhere in the prophet book of Isaiah it is said that God will tell us secrets in the dark times. Maybe in days of darkness we are divinely blinded? You may feel like you shut down for a time, but is it only for change and renewal to take hold?

Does this make sense to you? Do you believe in change and transformation? Can you trust that along with the pain there is also a rebirth of new life? Could it be that when our eyes eventually are opened we are in for a great surprise?

Blessings to you!