Another Call

Narrow my window had become
I could barely breathe,
barely live in this or their temple
Then they closed it, window shut
I fell, I was lost
Trapped in the kingdom,
of the desperate and dying
What had been a small light,
now gone
I was nobody’s son

Soon lost at sea
Searching wherever
Seemed like I’d never
find new land
Monsters in the deep,
dragons in the sky
Fire burning,
a salamander’s torch
So thirsty

That’s when I saw the flicker,
from a distant lamp
Oil kept it going,
until my hand held the light
I suddenly saw all its might
It created a terrible fright
I would have to fight,
a wrestling for my life,
my own soul

The angel from the deep,
entered upon the land
Was it also a woman, was it man?
I couldn’t know
Yet the angel’s sword
bruised me in the dark
The wound bled red
I cried into the Silence,
and fell to my knees

It was a new beginning,
there on my knees
The red, bleeding wound
received a silent balm
I sensed fresh air, I could breathe
I saw a window open,
then all windows gone
My breathing got deep,
and I drank from a rich well
Everything opened

Oh day of glory,
when I could leave behind,
the barren land of agony
The principals were taken
When I woke up, like from a dream,
I was standing on my feet
Made new,
in the image of One,
I had now become

I sensed freedom
New adventures awaited
I was made for living after all
I sensed another call

Photo of Alnes in Norway: Punam Kumari

Blue Spark

What if there is no other agenda,
than for you to find the real You
If only you could let down,
your guard, your mask, your pretense

What if there is true love to find,
in the divine connection within
Wrapped in shadows,
yet rich in gold and truth

What if you could learn from,
secrets whispered in the dark
Your eyes were meant to see,
more than what is seen without

Can you have trust,
in a darkness glowing, silence loud
Can you take the time
Can you handle the wait

You’re in for a surprise
A surprise of luminous light
It will be a joy of the deeper kind,
which flows from rich wells within

When you give up your former walk
When you stop your reasoning, your talk
When you listen and focus
In this liminal space, you’ll find the Blue Spark

And that is when it all begins…

Inner Beloved

 

Here you are again
Nothing more to hide
Everything is out there, anyway
I am glad you are here, my friend

It is what it is
You know the truth
Yet,  here you are again
There is still love, my friend

Never truly gone
Not even now, at the end
End of the darkest night
Here you are again, my friend

Ready to be surprised
Ready to be found
Ready to be received
Ready to be healed

This is the day
Yes, this, is, the day
It broke through
You, broke through, my friend

Love is stronger than death
It is here
At the end of the line
Love is here, my friend

Taking a hold of your heart
Healing what ripped you apart
You know pain
You will know, love, my friend…

…and you will be free

Find Me a Bridge

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I was calling out in the wilderness
The sound of my shouts echoed in my bones
-Find me a bridge,
across this deep river
I was restless,
almost breathless

I knew I had to dive, if I wanted to survive
This river, this divide,
was not just something from which I could hide

I felt the water’s might
I went below
That’s where I found what I needed

I had cried out for this bridge across the river
Yet, only my heart and soul, could bridge these worlds
This is what the waters made me know

Purpose

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Again, you are diving,
into the darkness,
of these deep waters

Secrets to be found,
wisdom to be revealed, yes,
even the purpose of your heart

The ground beneath you shaking,
down you fall, now in spell,
no words to tell them all

Takes its time, journey in the dark,
to the place where you find,
your fuller story

Thinking everything is lost,
yet time will clear your sight,
again your face will shine so bright

Letter of Pain

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I am writing down this letter of pain
Asking myself, -what is there to gain
My God, my God I am feeling alone and lost
The cup is large and it is of great cost

Some people say, -Jesus took your pain
On the cross the sin of the world was lain
Yet, to me this is so very real
This terrible agony I now feel

Was it not God that gave me this gift to feel
Maybe so that I through that could heal
Is Christ on the cross there with me
Sharing the experience of this so terribly

As I am writing this letter of pain
And in the dark it is too dark to see
Another thought crosses my mind:
The cross I bear is part of Thine

Ego and the Vastness of Self (part three)

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Just as I had finished writing the second part I realised I couldn’t stop there. I am also sorry if some of you almost experienced me getting into to preaching, and maybe also preaching a “Christian” and exclusive message. That is not what I meant to do. At least not giving an exclusive message only for religious people or even Christians. What I am pointing to is a universal message that is possible to experience for a believer and an atheist alike. When I say atheist, I do believe so, but the person might not stay atheist for the rest of his/her life, if the Vastness are truly and deeply experienced. At least that is my humble opinion.

I do not think my last blog post was on to the message of transformation. It was about the limited usefulness of the ego, and where to place the ego in the hiearchy of self knowledge and understanding. This last part of the topic “Ego and the Vastness of Self” will therefore say more about the transformation of the ego or transformation of the individual. Because a transformation is unavoidable if people get exposed to the Vastness, at least if you spend time with it in silence. Time in silence, can be difficult and painful, but it will bear fruits eventually. That is my experience.

I ended the last blog post by mentioning the dark night of the soul and it is almost unfair to end my writing there. That is since the Dark night of the soul truly is a dark and very seriously painful experience. It should and must not be taken lightly. Some people experiencing this painful process, even come to believe that they will not return to life. Partly that is also true. Just not true in the sense your life will end or you ego will die. It is true, because when you “wake up” from the “sleep” of the dark night, you have changed and you have transformed in one way or the other. You have dug deeper, and in and through the darkness you will eventually realize you have also struck gold.

So what is this gold to be found beyond our ego? It is not so much an ego death – but it is a change in the way you relate to yourself, your ego and others, and their egos. The gold is to see and get to know something other, deeper than your ego. This is what Paul in the NT also found after three days of total blindness. The Light had hit him so brightly and strongly so he went blind, he went into at least a night of his physical eyeseeing. When he became seeing again, his life was transformed.

Some people speak of the death of ego. I do not believe in that. It is possible, but it will also kill “you” and your experience of this world. We cannot become only spiritual beings looking into the Vastness. We need the ego to function in our daily lives. That being said, we also need to put the ego in its proper space. We need to visit the Vastness. Often.

Again that is why I am blogging. It is because I have tasted, I have seen this Vastness, at least a tiny fragment of it. And I am eager to experience more of this Being, in order to find inspiration for living my life here on Earth. I have always been a truthseeker, and if you have read the whole of this blog series, I believe you are one too. I do believe this is what is common among humans, it is that we are not filled and satisfied before we touch the realm of Spirit. And then also the Spirit is experienced in glimpses mostly.

This is a difficult topic to explain and elaborate upon. Even my try here is a feeble one, and maybe I shouldn’t have tried. The Muslims speak of the hundred names for God. That is to say. the Mystery can be explained in so many ways, in so many colors and words. Yet, it would not be a Mystery if we could fully explain it. So I cannot pretend I know it all. The truth is, that I really do not know. But what I think I know, what I feel I know, what I my intuition tells me I know, I want to share with you. It is up to you to investigate further, go on the deeper and further journey, or if will not you can toss these ideas away.

So maybe, this is it, the rest of the blog here speaks for itself when it comes to pointers to this Vastness and how to reach it, or rather how to be reached by it. Now the rest is up to you and how you are guided along your path. I do believe though that a wise person grow by listening to wisdom from others. Among my words, I do humbly believe, there also is, some nutritious wisdom for life.

Blessings on your further journey, my friend 🙏

Dream of Flooding

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He is sitting in the deep forest
Looking at three big bookcases towering towards the sky
Suddenly the left bookcase starts trembling
It crashes head down into the forest’s floor making the other cases fall

He has escaped to this hill nearby
Just in time before great waves of water flood the place
The great bookcases are lost in the water
He escaped it together with her

They are standing there on this hill above the water
The water rises and suddenly currents overcome him
She is standing there as a pillar at the top of the hill
Not taken by the tumultuous waters

The currents and waves of water bring him to the side of the hill
And then down on the side
Down
Down
Down
At an ever increasing speed

She is still standing firmly on the hill
Waters all around but she is not overcome
He is lost down on the side
Brought down by a river of tremendous power

His world has fallen
Now only the deep waters know
What is to come
And what role she is to play

Exam

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I am sitting here all prepped and ready

Ready for a presentation about the English-speaking-world

I am in survival mode

This is my ego show

*

It is one of many tests

Tests to help my ego consolidate and grow

I am all in for it now

Ready – go

*

Little do I yet know

This is only a necessary show

Before the greater exam

Which is yet come

*

It will come later

At a time I am ready

This is no joke

No fun time, no show

*

Yet I must learn

That my ego must burn

This exam will feel like dying

But I will strike gold

To be One with The Only

There will be a time after searching and seeking, after walking through the dark night of the soul, where you’ll find a place to stand. There you will know there is only one deep purpose to life, which is to grow into oneness with the Only, the Only One. In this place, where loving and longing unite, you will find peace.