Depression

Another Call

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Narrow my window had become
I could barely breathe,
barely live in this or their temple
Then they closed it, window shut
I fell, I was lost
Trapped in the kingdom,
of the desperate and dying
What had been a small light,
now gone
I was nobody’s son

Soon lost at sea
Searching wherever
Seemed like I’d never
find new land
Monsters in the deep,
dragons in the sky
Fire burning,
a salamander’s torch
So thirsty

That’s when I saw the flicker,
from a distant lamp
Oil kept it going,
until my hand held the light
I suddenly saw all its might
It created a terrible fright
I would have to fight,
a wrestling for my life,
my own soul

The angel from the deep,
entered upon the land
Was it also a woman, was it man?
I couldn’t know
Yet the angel’s sword
bruised me in the dark
The wound bled red
I cried into the Silence,
and fell to my knees

It was a new beginning,
there on my knees
The red, bleeding wound
received a silent balm
I sensed fresh air, I could breathe
I saw a window open,
then all windows gone
My breathing got deep,
and I drank from a rich well
Everything opened

Oh day of glory,
when I could leave behind,
the barren land of agony
The principals were taken
When I woke up, like from a dream,
I was standing on my feet
Made new,
in the image of One,
I had now become

I sensed freedom
New adventures awaited
I was made for living after all
I sensed another call

Photo of Alnes in Norway: Punam Kumari

Hope – What if…

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Hope displayed by Anemone flowers

What if I tell you there is hope, there is always hope? Would you blame me for just conveying the biggest cliché? The all-time-high lie that we tell people when they’re suffering and can’t find their way through the wilderness of sorrow? But what if, what if it is true?

The worrying monkey-mind often keeps repeating these terrible and fear inspiring “what ifs”. What if this is what he thinks of me? What if I am going to die from an awful disease? What if the plane falls down? What if I won’t pass this exam? What if I am going to loose my job? What if I can’t find help for my problem? What if there is no goodness in this world? What if, what if, what if….constantly repeating.

Another cliché is, yes, I have been there too. Like that’s very comforting in the middle of the deepest pain? And maybe it’s just something people say anyway to give others some false comfort, or even in order to turn the focus on themselves when the other person is the one truly suffering? But again, what if it’s true?

What if there is hope? What if I have been there? What if I’ve been to this really dark place where I had no hope of returning to the living? Would you believe me if I told you about it? Would it be an important message to you if you are the one now that has gone all dark?

I am telling you, whispering softly and shouting loudly again, THERE IS HOPE!! Yes, I’ve been there, and yes, I have returned, even though I didn’t think it was possible. I gave up everything, but something brought me deeply back to life. Back to colors and back to the joy of living.

Now I am sensing this energy breaking barriers within, and this river flowing again from within to without. Now I want to express myself and share the good news! If you will listen, dear, beloved, of God. There is hope! There is I way through! I know some of you don’t think so. I did too. But was surprised by the help I found. Reach out, and next maybe to your complete surprise, you’ll find new life from within and all around.

Blessings and new light to you, as you journey true your deep pain and darkness. There will be light again! There is hope! Always!

PS! Reading other posts on this blog, may partly help you find your way. This blog has followed me through later life, and what I share here is mostly from my own experience or inner longing.