As much as we need our ego, and it’s helpful till a certain extent that our ego is transformed and made more flexible, just as much we need to know that we are so much more than our ego. We cannot live and function in this world without our ego (so I am not proclaiming ego-death), but at the same time we cannot go on living meaningful lives in the second part of our lives, without some experience of this other than ego.
This otherness I speak of is the most beautiful thing in the wholeness of life. It is about a vastness of a self or Self, that goes far beyond our imagination. Our egos are a beautiful creation too, at least sometimes, but this vastness I am pointing to, is of a different quality all together. And it is there for you to see and experience if you so desire and you realise that is what you truly want and need.
When the message “you are enough” doesn’t speak to you heart anymore, it may mean you are ready for a step in a new direction. You may be ready for a deeper experience and knowing of the Great Mystery.
Our egos are limited and will die, when our lives are over. At least most of it will disappear I think, since it is mostly a structure created by our minds. But the vastness of Self, Being itself, is eternal. The Holy Book tells us that humans have eternity in their hearts, so it is into our hearts and to the depth we need to go if we are to know a fragment more of this Vastness.
It is this Vastness I am trying to point to in writing these blog posts and most of my poems. In realizing this bigger truth about my life and life in general, I have come into the experience of more freedom. I do still struggle with life, and very often it is my smaller ego that creates the trouble. It is not what other people say or do. It is how my ego percieves what they say and do. It is how my past history and emotions, which is my bigger ego and also hidden ego react to the experience I have.
By taking in, preferable in silence, and silent reflection, the other part of the picture. By realizing there is a Vastness, an Otherness, something Infinite holding us all, I am slowly able to train my ego into stepping back. I don’t need to make such a big scene out of everything. I am not governed only by the ego’s need to protect itself. I can be led more by Spirit and intuition.
The Spiritfilled life is the other way, the new way, the better way, and eternal way. I do want to be led by Spirit. I do want to know and experience Oneness with all. The Bible says, everything and everyone shall be one in Christ. That is the good news! That is what fills my soul, when my ego has failed me. And beware, the ego will fail us, and in particular we can grow tired of our own ego in midlife. This can even bring us into what John of the Cross called the Dark Night of the Soul.
Yet, I do hope you can take with you something for your journey by reading these reflections. And off course, I do only see in part, and I do know I may get things wrong too, but I also believe I have found some truth that I’d like to share with you, though simply so. There may be a part three of this text that will be postet later.
For now, be at peace wherever you are in this world – and do remember, “you” are part of this Vastness.
A Contemplative Life 