The Longing Pains Me

The longing pains me. Is it new life growing or a desire for wholeness? I thirst for His love and grace to color my life and surroundings. Fill my empty, bottomless cup. I pray and yearn, day and night. Come, heal my inner man.

Let my eyes dwell on Your goodness. I long for your touch, to drink your lifegiving water. It is painful, this hunger, it truly is. May Your Spirit quench my thirst.

Your Life within me, is my strength forever and ever. Your Love upholds me and lifts my soul. Your Grace heals my inner man and restores my broken heart. In You I find truth and rest for my soul.

Keep me Lord, surround me, embrace me in my sorrow and woundedness. Help me to be a giver of what You have given. Help me drink the cup and take the steps You ask of me. You want the whole world to know, The Christ that moves and upholds.

Christ be my life, Christ be my all. Let me see with Your eyes, each created thing and being, yes, the whole of Your creation. When everything else is burned away, be You still, the Flame burning in and embracing my heart.

Lonely Longing

Sunflowers

Longing for true life

in relation to real people

Broken friendships and loss

Especially difficult

in times like these

Longing to truly give to others

what my heart has deeply received

Letting it rest

Especially difficult

in times like these

From longing to looking ahead

to days of new paths

Hungering for brighter days

Especially easy

      in times like these

 

 

#Knowing

Norwegian winter landscape

I believe in a knowing that you can experience more and more by listening to the small voice within and by walking the path set before you. This is most likely a path that at times will bring confusion and despair, but also hope, love and grace.

There are ways for you to grow from being governed by your ego to being more and more guided, led and held by this inner knowing. The poet Rilke once wrote or said “the only journey is the journey within”. In a way he is right, but in another way he is also wrong, that is if his words are taken too literally. I truly believe in the jorney within as a journey we are called to take, especially in the afternoon of life. Richard Rohr writes about the first and second half of life in his wise book “Falling Upward”. When I say that understood too literally the words from Rilke can be “wrong”, I mean that there is always a need for balance. We need to look both outside and inside.

For me going cross-country skiing or hiking in the mountains are great ways to observe beautiful landscapes and God’s magnificent creation outside myself. At the same time these seemingly outside-yourself-experiences are also inner experiences. The beauty that I see resonates with something deep within me. What I see outside and around me becomes something that connects with and gives birth to a knowing within me. So, the journey within is in a way the most important, but we also need to contemplate the beauty outside to experience a connection to our inner life and to spirit.

It is true what Augustin said “my soul is restless until it finds its rest in you”. As we grow up spiritually and connect with God’s spirit and our deepest self within we find a knowing and also a rest.

All of us have different life stories. Some have experienced very close and loving relationships when they were children and just beginners on their journeys. Others have experienced more troublesome childhoods, loneliness and a lack of true love and embrace. All of us have our own journeys to take. For some it may take many years to grow into this deeper knowing. Some also have to go through therapy to get there.

No matter what, I believe in this deeper knowing which becomes an intuitive knowledge of eternal truths and a knowing of true love. The knowing you experience makes dogmas less important and even less true, because truths that we know within are often simple and universal. The first and most universal truth I think, is that the universe is filled with love. We as well as the whole universe are created out of love. We are created and also placed in this world by a Love.

What about all the pain and suffering you say? Where is this love that you are talking about? For myself, life has noe been an easy walk either. All I can say today, I see you. Yes, there is great suffering and pain in this world. Yes, there is great pain and loneliness in our and other people’s lives. Still I believe that the deeper knowing we can experience is a knowing that tells us about a Love, a Love greater than anything else.

Let us just leave it at that today. Know that you are loved by Love, and knowledge of this Love can also become part of your inner knowing!

Feel free to comment!

Mother and my Loneliness

Mother and son (hope)

I guess I have let her carry my loneliness all this time

Now she has been taken ill and hardly remembers herself and me

Crying and a lot of tears

I have to carry my own loneliness now

I have to own it myself

Part of being human is also the experience of loneliness

A longing for true union with man and God

Now I carry this loneliness of mine

I have taken it back from her

This is not her burden anymore

Maybe I am also better at carrying my own burden now

Thank you for carrying it for so long

For making life bearable also in the darkest of times

Now I will continue this journey through loneliness on my own

Embracing my loneliness

My longing for union

Sometimes I will be carrying her

Alone, you think

Heart aflame

In your mind you think yourself alone

You think you are alone

You’re thinking all love is gone

You’re restless in your aloneness

Nevertheless

What your longing for is not for some person to give

Rather it is for you to surrender and receive

It is there even when you think yourself alone

What you think is gone

Is for your heart to see

The Desert of Loneliness

Loneliness is a like a desert

At times you realize that what you are experiencing and feeling inside is a deep loneliness, and with this, a feeling of sadness as well. It feels like you are disconnected from everyone and everything. You may realize that all your talking, reading, commenting, blogging et cetera is all about a desire to feel truly loved and connected.

What connects you to this loneliness can some times be a small comment from someone. Some times the comment is about something that you think should not have been a big of a deal. Maybe it is just a comment that makes you realize that you are not so admired as you like to be? Maybe this person is talking about someone else that means a lot to him or her, and you are smiling and at the same time you are experiencing your loneliness and sadness. Because, you want to be the one the other person is talking about, you want to be the one he or she is admiring (the most).

In the example mentioned above you may not realize in the exact moment you are listening to the comment what you are actually experiencing. But when the noise around you quiets down you may realize what your feelings are about.

I believe that to realize and know these feelings of loneliness and sadness are important. Even though they are painful they are something real that needs to be appreciated and dealt with for what it is.

But what is it, really? This loneliness that sometimes leads to drivenness and stress. Other times it makes us compulsive or aggressive. And still other times it just creates a deep and painful sadness.

I am not totally sure. But I believe in the importance of being embraced for who you are when you are a small child. If this embracing did not happen to the degree that you needed this could have created or at least deepened the loneliness.

I also believe this loneliness is part of us all. There is a good side to it, because it helps us to be creative and also to do a lot of good towards others. The loneliness makes us reach out to others. But there is also a dark side to it. That is when the loneliness becomes all there is and people find that their lives are not worth living.

I remember this song written by Mike Peters in The Alarm which goes “and put your loneliness in mine and rise”. I realize that since this is also sung, the feeling of loneliness is a common experience. And one thing we can do about it when we realize we are lonely, is to reach out to someone, because the other person may have the same experience. Together we are really stronger, when we are honest about our own lives.

Finally, there is also a story about a God that came to Earth and showed himself as Jesus Christ. He met a lot of lonely people on His path and showed them goodness, grace and forgiveness. He showed people at the time and now us when we are reading about Him, an all embracing and unconditional love.

I said that a lack of embracing in childhood could deepen the loneliness (and maybe this lack of embrace early on also hinders us from believing in, receiving and experiencing God’s embrace later?) but I also believe the loneliness is already there from the start, from the moment you open your eyes. That is because there is only One that can truly embrace us completely, the One that knows us better than ourselves, namely the Creator of all life. He has shown us and are still showing us His love through Jesus, the Christ and his creation. And what if God planted this loneliness in us so that we would long for his Spirit and the River within.

If you somehow by reading this realize that you are experiencing a loneliness that brings you a lot of pain. Please do not sit down in hiding, but reach out to someone that can and will listen to you. If you believe there is none, I have to disagree. There truly is someone out there you can talk to if you go looking. There is so much love in this world, and there is also love for you. So maybe now it is time to make that phonecall or send a message to someone? Even though I am also mentioning a God that loves us and embraces us, we often need other humans to help us realize we are loved, and we need other humans to love us!

If you are at a time in your life where you are experiencing contentment, love and connection, please do not keep this love to yourself! One of my heroes is Richard Rohr, a Fransiscan author, who also started the Center for Action and Contemplation in Alberquerque, New Mexico (the USA). We are not only called to contemplate and experience God’s love in our own lives and deepest selves, we are called to reach out to others. So, maybe now is the time for action? Who can you reach out to? Look around!

If you somehow found this post interesting or helpful and would like to be notified when knew posts are out, you can send an email to sveinboerge@hotmail.com. Also feel free to comment here on the blog or send me feedback by email.

Be blessed!