Is Surrender a Possible Way?

Surrendering

I woke up this morning worrying. Worrying about some things I can not or should not do anything about at the moment. It must wait.

This wait can also be a good thing. Since by waiting my feelings may get some necessary time to calm down. Then I can get some time to do some real thinking if needed, when I am more rested and not stressed out.

This wait can also be a chance to practice trust and surrender. Sometimes humans, at least I can speak for myself, try to control everything. Every thing must be this way or that way, yes, every thing needs to be perfect.

For myself, growing up with not enough acceptance for anger and frustration, it can still be difficult to handle feelings that come up. The feelings are often very strong. I guess I have not been used to being able to express negative feelings, so this is still difficult at times, being afraid that it won’t be acceptable, and that I will be rejected.

Deep inside, at times hidden for no one to see, sometimes even hidden to ourselves, we are feeling insecure and have this need to be embraced and completely accepted for who we are.

Not being able to express the full range of my emotions and feelings when I were younger has interfered with my ability to feel completely secure today, and has also made me, both consciously and uncounciusly, afraid of making mistakes.

Still, in the midst of all worry and fear of making or being responsible for mistakes, I feel a great energy for living and doing good. Not the perfect kind of good, but good, as in being someone to be trusted, a someone with hopefully some wisdom and at least enough empathy to be of some help to others. Nouwen’s expression that we can be “wounded healers” resonates with me.

I mentioned the wait I give myself when worrying tries to take over. The wait I give myself when I know worrying is of no use and know as the holy book says that worrying can not add any length to my life (Matthew 6:27). Much worrying does not benefit us at all. But the wait can be beneficial.

The wait can be a chance to surrender. A chance to say to God “hey, you know everything, you know my heart, you know the good stuff and the bad stuff, yes you know everything…but now I give it all to you!”. This simple prayer can be the beginning of a quite time of surrender. Imagine surrendering everything to the Creator of the Universe!?

I know this is so, so much easier said than done. Trust me, I do know! But that does not make it less true or even less possible. I believe in the practice of surrender. And being silent before the Great Divine. I believe in Christ within us, that can become our lives, so that we may live through him. I believe in the acceptance of all emotions and feelings, but also in the denial and surrender of the ego, and in the trust in the Christ within. I can, and you can, surrender and give everything to the One that gave us life. I mean, surrender every thing!

I remember reading a book (by the way I have not been sponsored to say this) called The Surrender Experiment by Michael A. Singer. Here he tells a story of surrendering to life, I would say Life with a capital L. He is not sugarcoating life, but he is telling an honest story about his company and later also the development of a spiritual center. And he is telling of difficulties he met, even a time spent in court. Still, through all this, he practiced surrender. A surrender to life.

I believe in the wait and the surrender. I believe in the silence and in the trust. I believe we can be still, and know, truly know there is a God (Psalm 46:10). A God that knows our heart and also our sin and failures. Surrender does not mean that you are excempt from taking action or doing what you can do. But surrender is a place to start and restart when life feels, really feels, overwhelming.

So, I believe there can be trust and encouragment in sitting down or going for a walk, crying out, and then maybe also in the divine silence you may be, though maybe weakly, able to surrender to the One that cares for you, for all, the Giver of Life.

Feel free to comment!

PS! Remember surrendering to a God that to you may seem invisible can be really difficult. We need to be around people and also nature, that point to and practice this love, and in who and which also God lives (the panentheistic not pantheistic worldview). So also remember to reach out to someone you can trust when you are experiencing difficulties and worry. And also reach out to those you may think are going through hardship. We “are” Christ in this world.

The Desert of Loneliness

Loneliness is a like a desert

At times you realize that what you are experiencing and feeling inside is a deep loneliness, and with this, a feeling of sadness as well. It feels like you are disconnected from everyone and everything. You may realize that all your talking, reading, commenting, blogging et cetera is all about a desire to feel truly loved and connected.

What connects you to this loneliness can some times be a small comment from someone. Some times the comment is about something that you think should not have been a big of a deal. Maybe it is just a comment that makes you realize that you are not so admired as you like to be? Maybe this person is talking about someone else that means a lot to him or her, and you are smiling and at the same time you are experiencing your loneliness and sadness. Because, you want to be the one the other person is talking about, you want to be the one he or she is admiring (the most).

In the example mentioned above you may not realize in the exact moment you are listening to the comment what you are actually experiencing. But when the noise around you quiets down you may realize what your feelings are about.

I believe that to realize and know these feelings of loneliness and sadness are important. Even though they are painful they are something real that needs to be appreciated and dealt with for what it is.

But what is it, really? This loneliness that sometimes leads to drivenness and stress. Other times it makes us compulsive or aggressive. And still other times it just creates a deep and painful sadness.

I am not totally sure. But I believe in the importance of being embraced for who you are when you are a small child. If this embracing did not happen to the degree that you needed this could have created or at least deepened the loneliness.

I also believe this loneliness is part of us all. There is a good side to it, because it helps us to be creative and also to do a lot of good towards others. The loneliness makes us reach out to others. But there is also a dark side to it. That is when the loneliness becomes all there is and people find that their lives are not worth living.

I remember this song written by Mike Peters in The Alarm which goes “and put your loneliness in mine and rise”. I realize that since this is also sung, the feeling of loneliness is a common experience. And one thing we can do about it when we realize we are lonely, is to reach out to someone, because the other person may have the same experience. Together we are really stronger, when we are honest about our own lives.

Finally, there is also a story about a God that came to Earth and showed himself as Jesus Christ. He met a lot of lonely people on His path and showed them goodness, grace and forgiveness. He showed people at the time and now us when we are reading about Him, an all embracing and unconditional love.

I said that a lack of embracing in childhood could deepen the loneliness (and maybe this lack of embrace early on also hinders us from believing in, receiving and experiencing God’s embrace later?) but I also believe the loneliness is already there from the start, from the moment you open your eyes. That is because there is only One that can truly embrace us completely, the One that knows us better than ourselves, namely the Creator of all life. He has shown us and are still showing us His love through Jesus, the Christ and his creation. And what if God planted this loneliness in us so that we would long for his Spirit and the River within.

If you somehow by reading this realize that you are experiencing a loneliness that brings you a lot of pain. Please do not sit down in hiding, but reach out to someone that can and will listen to you. If you believe there is none, I have to disagree. There truly is someone out there you can talk to if you go looking. There is so much love in this world, and there is also love for you. So maybe now it is time to make that phonecall or send a message to someone? Even though I am also mentioning a God that loves us and embraces us, we often need other humans to help us realize we are loved, and we need other humans to love us!

If you are at a time in your life where you are experiencing contentment, love and connection, please do not keep this love to yourself! One of my heroes is Richard Rohr, a Fransiscan author, who also started the Center for Action and Contemplation in Alberquerque, New Mexico (the USA). We are not only called to contemplate and experience God’s love in our own lives and deepest selves, we are called to reach out to others. So, maybe now is the time for action? Who can you reach out to? Look around!

If you somehow found this post interesting or helpful and would like to be notified when knew posts are out, you can send an email to sveinboerge@hotmail.com. Also feel free to comment here on the blog or send me feedback by email.

Be blessed!