Time of Disorder

Dear friend,

It could be that you are experiencing one of the most difficult things one can experience in one’s life-journey, precisely that the entire bedrock beneath you is faltering and perhaps falling apart? Perhaps you are experiencing a weightless state without fixed points of reference? This is not an easy weightlessness, because experiencing the ground beneath you giving way can be very frightening and painful. It is comforting to know that this is not abnormal, no matter how frightening it seems. It could be that you are experiencing the dark night of the soul, where nothing seems to give meaning, nourishment or joy?

So what does this require of you? Perhaps nothing but the most difficult, namely to endure it, as long as it lasts. This has an end, it has an exit into something new. Perhaps you now learn to trust, trust in the life that has been given you? You may not be experiencing peace, but rather unrest, which is not so strange when everything is turned upside down. Yet, you are going through a change, a metamorphosis in liminal space, and you don’t know where it ends. You are on the threshold of something new.

This is a time of great disorder. It hurts, and you can experience a lot of fear. Jesus was also afraid in the Garden of Gethsemane. Yet he chose to drink the cup he had been given. This he did to fulfill the Higher will. Later he would find the light of resurrection, which he could not see at the time.

Look for someone who can support you, carry the burden with you, and be with you where you are now. Don’t just stay there alone, it can be too much to bear. There is love both around you and within you. Surrender to both, and you will find YOUR way through this time of disorder. ❤️

No answers? Deconstructing?

I share a part of a poem I wrote some time ago (minor changes and restructuring before publishing). Maybe the poem is about a time of deconstruction? When we experience what some would call a time of deconstruction the hope is that later there will be a time of new construction. Richard Rohr writes about the universal pattern of order, disorder and reorder (https://cac.org/the-universal-pattern-2020-08-09/). We may have to go through times of suffering, deconstruction and disorder. But when this happens we are also given a chance to give up old ways of living or thinking, in order to experience new growth and freedom in our lives.

EMPTY (part one)

I am empty

At least I feel so

This is a dark time

A time when it is very difficult to see

I feel almost nothing

Just a hollow pain inside

I am saddened

By my lack of love for self and others

I feel empty

For how long have I been emptied

Hardly any joy

I can not force it any more

Will I go crazy

Or will I become free

I don’t know now

Only that there is a deep hollow sorrow

I can not necessarily spiritualize what I am going through

But I will remind myself

That Jesus had to drink the cup he feared

On the cross he also felt completely lost

And away from his Father’s love

I do not know

But I want to trust

Rather than giving up on life

I give up walking in my own strength

Without feeling anything

I let go of my answers and ideas

Because now I have none