Again, you are diving,
into the darkness,
of these deep waters
Secrets to be found,
wisdom to be revealed, yes,
even the purpose of your heart
The ground beneath you shaking,
down you fall, now in spell,
no words to tell them all
Takes its time, journey in the dark,
to the place where you find,
your fuller story
Thinking everything is lost,
yet time will clear your sight,
again your face will shine so bright
It is autumn
It is autumn indeed
Summer with its warmth and joyful tone
Over for this time
The forest dresses herself in new colors
Leaves and pine needles change into orange and red
Everything testifies of life in another faze
It is orange and red, but it is not dead
The autumn first feels like a change of clothes
The outer changes color and contour
Later it leads you deeper
The fall is a time for
Fading
Forethought
Flux
Formation
Again, everything is on a journey
____________________________________________________________________
Høstvandring
Det er høst
Det er sannelig høst
Sommeren med sin varme og glade klang
Over for denne gang
Skogen klær seg i nye farger
Løv og barnåler skifter også over til oransje og rødt
Alt vitner om liv i en annen fase
Det er oransje og rødt, men ikke dødt
Høsten er først som et klesskifte
Det ytre skifte farge og kontur
Senere leder høsten deg dypere
Høsten blir en tid for
Foreldelse
Forberedelse
Forandring
Forvandling
Alt er igjen på vandring
Throughout my life
of loneliness and pain
I have often longed and prayed for
a union with God
to gain
This longing for union is
still very deep and strong
Sometimes overshadowed by
the action of life
yet never gone
Union still is my heart’s desire
This I strive for
in my great search
Yet maybe now I have found
a joy in life
so I feel I am living less on the edge
of a knife
Forever I am still longing
Both in silence and in sound
for this Greatest Love to abound
All the way until complete union
where all is found
On the Mountain
Once,
you called me and set me
on the top of the mountain
There I saw
the Indescribable Light
In this Light my soul would linger
But it was not the time
-Now, dear child, you must learn to walk
Step down from the mountain you must
Soon you will neither feel or see
There will be darkness
On the road to the Secret Place
På fjellet
En gang,
du kalte meg opp
på den høyeste tinde
Der fikk jeg se det
Ubeskrivelige lys
I det Lyset ville min sjel forbli
Men det var ikke dens tid
-Nå, kjære barn, må du lære å gå
Stige ned fra fjellet du må
Intet vil du snart føle eller se
Det vil bli mørkt
På veien til det Hemmelige sted
«The highest, most decisive experience is to be alone with one’s own self. You must be alone to find out what supports you, when you find that you can not support yourself. Only this can give you an indestructible foundation.”
Carl Gustav Jung, Collected Works 12
I have opened this text by sharing, in my opinion, an excellent quote from Carl Jung. This is a quote that really speaks to me now, and a quote which can lead me further on my contemplative path. The reason why it touches me is, I think, that I realize I do a lot of things to get attention. I do a lot for others to see me, to love me and accept me. But what I do know deep within is, that it is mostly in vain.
What is to support me is not in the other more than it is within me. I need to seek and find this indestructible foundation, which is what can truly support me. I think it was the need for this foundation, a longing for it, that made me embark on this contemplative journey in the first place.
One interest I have is collecting icons, holy images of saints and holy persons and from stories in the Bible. I have been on several trips to Crete, Greece, where I have been taken by the beauty of the icons and touched by the direct experience of them, an experience that quenches some of the thirst within me, my deepest soul. In my soul is the place where I am truly seen, truly embraced and loved for who I am. I do also experience a sense of peace, and love, when I look at the icons, especially the eyes of the holy persons displayed.
Even when others do not share this interest of mine in icons, I do still believe, the need to be seen, to be known, is one thing all humans have in common. And we do search for this during our whole lives, more or less. Those who search this less, I believe, may be those who have grown into to more wisdom, and now they just know.
I am also reminded of one thing Carl Jung said, when he was asked whether he believed in God or not. He said something like, “I don’t believe, I don’t need to believe, because I know”. This is the knowing I also am talking about, when I name those wiser and even more in rest in the love for themselves and others. They just know. They have an inner knowledge and experience, that is beyond what our ego can provide, something which is deeper and closer to us than ourselves. This is something of the Divine within us, and sensing this can help us grow into this knowing. This again is what keeps me on the contemplative path in life.
Very soon I am going away on a silent retreat for four days. This will be my first experience of such a retreat. It is about time, I think, when I am in my fifthieth year now, to spend a few days in silence and silent reflection and prayer. It is one way of telling myself too, that I am serious about choosing this contemplative path. You may have seen that I have been trying to write about this retreat in my blog posts lately especially in my poems.
I have come to the understanding through my experiences with centering prayer and my reading, of Keating amongst others, that I am not to expect any special experiences, like excuberant joy and ecstasy in this time of silent practice. I am also not to seek these things first. but I am only to seek the silence itself and be open. So, that is what I am planning to do, to spend a lot of time in silence, and maybe also do some light reading and journalling. Part from this there is a retreat-leader that will be sharing something about silence as a contemplative path each day. Having few expectations is helpful I think, so I stay grounded and am more focused on the silence and the openness, instead of wasting energy searching for or expecting something extraordinary.
I have a little worry, that it possibly will be challenging. That is not so much the silence in itself, but what can come up in me, of difficult and suppressed feelings, which can become heavy to bear. I started this text by referring to Carl Jung’s words about the indestructible foundation. A hope I have is that if the silence helps me process some of my painful feelings and grief, this might lead me closer to this foundation. I do believe that this foundation, is something of a more divine quality, and it is beyond my ego, my thoughts and feelings. Yet, I have become certain that feelings need to be felt, in order to be processed and transformed before a letting go of them.
Maybe this retreat can, at least as an effect in the days after, help me realize that my deep inner Eye, is what truly can see me and uphold me, it can accept me and quench my desire for outer support? Maybe the retreat can even cure me from the need to collect icons, to be seen by outer holy eyes, because what they carry is only a lesser duplication and reflection of the true Mirror that I carry within, in my soul.
Thank you for patience in reading, and peace and love to you! Feel free to share your own thoughts and reflections in the comments.
I like tall doors
The wide ones too
In particular beautifully decorated ones
They are not there to make you feel small
They stand tall just to remind you
That when you are in awe
Of their grandness and beauty
That is only a mirror
For the divine image in you
If the thought of what is behind evokes fear
The width and height are there to say,
Fear not, I greet you
Now open me, pass through
I embrace all of you and
I may even lead to something new
I am enduring a tension
within myself
awaiting and longing for
the birth of
something new
–
I am embracing all parts
the light and the dark
I see more now
Yet I am blind to
what is still to become
–
I am drinking from
solitude
Soul arises from within
I trust the waiting
Dear friend,
It could be that you are experiencing one of the most difficult things one can experience in one’s life-journey, precisely that the entire bedrock beneath you is faltering and perhaps falling apart? Perhaps you are experiencing a weightless state without fixed points of reference? This is not an easy weightlessness, because experiencing the ground beneath you giving way can be very frightening and painful. It is comforting to know that this is not abnormal, no matter how frightening it seems. It could be that you are experiencing the dark night of the soul, where nothing seems to give meaning, nourishment or joy?
So what does this require of you? Perhaps nothing but the most difficult, namely to endure it, as long as it lasts. This has an end, it has an exit into something new. Perhaps you now learn to trust, trust in the life that has been given you? You may not be experiencing peace, but rather unrest, which is not so strange when everything is turned upside down. Yet, you are going through a change, a metamorphosis in liminal space, and you don’t know where it ends. You are on the threshold of something new.
This is a time of great disorder. It hurts, and you can experience a lot of fear. Jesus was also afraid in the Garden of Gethsemane. Yet he chose to drink the cup he had been given. This he did to fulfill the Higher will. Later he would find the light of resurrection, which he could not see at the time.
Look for someone who can support you, carry the burden with you, and be with you where you are now. Don’t just stay there alone, it can be too much to bear. There is love both around you and within you. Surrender to both, and you will find YOUR way through this time of disorder. ❤️
Today I am thinking about the desperate need for wise teachers, instead of blind preachers. Growing up in the Pentecostal movement in Norway has given me good things, but also a lot of wounds and bad things. The good thing is the focus on the Holy Spirit and joy. Bad things are a negative view on the human soul and the world. I have had to do a lot of painful relearning and reconstruction in my now soon 50 years on this Earth.
I remember one Pentecostal preacher preaching to a big congregation, we are all zeros!! But, he said, Jesus is a number one, so with him we are a million! Outrageous, I thought in my then literal thinking teenager mind, and confronted this preacher with is terrible lowlife preaching. Why do you preach so negatively about God’s beloveds I asked him. His sad, and even only answer, was, I guess that’s how I often feel, like a zero. To me this is a good example of the blind preaching I am talking about. You are zeros, because I, your pastor, feels that way. Wow!!
Instead of the message above, a wise teaching could be, Jesus is one, because he was one with God, and so are you. When you feel like a lowlife, you should know, this is not how God feels and thinks about you. He loves you, never leaves you and He/She/They lives/live within you. As the Celtics even say, our soul is not in our body, but our body is in the Soul! Amen!!
I am very thankful for the wise teachers and guides that I have met on my path and in my search in the wilderness and even despair. Henri Nouwen was one of them. I fed on his books, and remember the very small but important book, The Inner Voice of Love. Wow, what I message, what a healing! He even wrote a book called Wounded Healer, another great blessing.
I could also mention other wise guides like Michael Singer, and his The Untethered Soul, and Richard Rohr and his Everything Belongs (the title itself says it all!) and Falling Upward. In Falling Upward Rohr shares his vision in a distilled form, about the second journey in life. Also, let us not forget his important inspiration, the spiritual psychoanalyst Carl Jung.
So, instead of many more details today, I leave you with this important note: seek out some of the wise teachers with the honest, transformational message and wisdom. And step away from blind preachers that only pull you down and hurt you. Yes, step away and seek soul. You’ll truly know it when you find food freeing to your soul.
Since I believe in contemplation I also lean on grace and surrender to the mystical way. So do some reading, sit in silence and surrender to the Love and Guidance you have within. Bless you!
Is it not true? That there is a season for everything as the Old Book tells us? Everything is continually changing and transforming. Life is flowing in dynamical ways. And you and I and we get to partake in this eternal flow of life. It is tricky, it is sad, it is so full of grief, yet so full of longing, joy, beauty and creativity.
The winter time, in real life and spiritually too, can be a dark and cold time, a time of hiding in the quietness. Yet also, this time of coldness and dying, is a preparation, a silent growing of new lifeflow. There can be great pain in the dying which is part of a new creation.
I love the story of the prodigal son in the New Testament, particularly the phrase, ‘then he came to himself’. Dying and renewal is painful, but also a transformation into new ways of seeing. This deep dive into dark mystery can create a new sense of aliveness and a deeper joy.
But again, the grief, the pain can be very dark. It can feel like all hope is lost. You feel lost at sea, with no shore in sight. I am reminded by Paul’s blindness after the bright revelation of Jesus on the road to Damascus. He could not see for several days. But there was a divine working taking place deep within him. This was not a time for his ordinary senses, only a time for transformational blindness.
Somewhere in the prophet book of Isaiah it is said that God will tell us secrets in the dark times. Maybe in days of darkness we are divinely blinded? You may feel like you shut down for a time, but is it only for change and renewal to take hold?
Does this make sense to you? Do you believe in change and transformation? Can you trust that along with the pain there is also a rebirth of new life? Could it be that when our eyes eventually are opened we are in for a great surprise?
Blessings to you!
A Contemplative Life 