I am enduring a tension
within myself
awaiting and longing for
the birth of
something new
–
I am embracing all parts
the light and the dark
I see more now
Yet I am blind to
what is still to be
–
I am drinking from
solitude
Soul arises from within
I trust the waiting
Untie this knot within me
Shadow and Soul swallow me whole
Reveal to me what true is
In the untying of the knot within me
make me whole
The greatest gift
To give yourself
In spite of all
In all
Through all
Is
Acceptance
What you long for outside
You must offer yourself from within
Acceptance
Space
Embrace
The whole of yourself
I open myself to
trust You
The Divine
which is within me
At the core is
Your goodness
which is also mine
Dear friend,
It could be that you are experiencing one of the most difficult things one can experience in one’s life-journey, precisely that the entire bedrock beneath you is faltering and perhaps falling apart? Perhaps you are experiencing a weightless state without fixed points of reference? This is not an easy weightlessness, because experiencing the ground beneath you giving way can be very frightening and painful. It is comforting to know that this is not abnormal, no matter how frightening it seems. It could be that you are experiencing the dark night of the soul, where nothing seems to give meaning, nourishment or joy?
So what does this require of you? Perhaps nothing but the most difficult, namely to endure it, as long as it lasts. This has an end, it has an exit into something new. Perhaps you now learn to trust, trust in the life that has been given you? You may not be experiencing peace, but rather unrest, which is not so strange when everything is turned upside down. Yet, you are going through a change, a metamorphosis in liminal space, and you don’t know where it ends. You are on the threshold of something new.
This is a time of great disorder. It hurts, and you can experience a lot of fear. Jesus was also afraid in the Garden of Gethsemane. Yet he chose to drink the cup he had been given. This he did to fulfill the Higher will. Later he would find the light of resurrection, which he could not see at the time.
Look for someone who can support you, carry the burden with you, and be with you where you are now. Don’t just stay there alone, it can be too much to bear. There is love both around you and within you. Surrender to both, and you will find YOUR way through this time of disorder. ❤️
Rejection
I lost myself then
It was your look that took it
Joy of being me
–
Forgiveness
I forgive you now
Then I forgive myself too
No defense needed
–
Summer River
Summer river flow
It is the divine life now
I open myself
Trace your dark side
Face your dark side
Embrace your dark side
To find how deeply you are loved
*
To overcome evil
You have to see it in your heart
Then you will see how little you have won
Through the evil you have done
*
Facing the evil within you
It is freeing
Since there is nothing left to defend
You truly know you depend
On a Love and a forgiveness
For yourself first
Not being able to truly love and accept others in their imperfect and beautiful state is deeply connected to not loving ourselves fully. The rejection felt from others could be a mirroring of your own rejection of yourself. Seeing your own darkness, even evil, can be surprisingly freeing. When you truly see “it all”, and you contemplate your dark side, you find there is nothing to defend anymore. This is also when you see that you are in need of forgiveness, and also need to continuously forgive yourself and love yourself in spite of some evil tendencies lurking within.
Even so, I am still wondering whether the evil in us can be pure evil per se, or if it’s always just a distortion that creates these moods, motives and reactionary patterns? As for myself, I do want to, actually have to, and even need to believe that at the far deepest level, there is only love, pure love. But is it so? Do I need to realize that the evil I find actually is evil? For now, and maybe forever, I choose to believe love is the transcending force.
My point here today is anyhow that it is liberating to embrace your darkness and the evil you face within, not to become more evil and do evil, but in order to tackle rejection better. Seeing it, makes you realize that you are not all pure and nice, and then you can accept this fact. This can be a true and good humiliation I think, since it helps you tolerate others’ smaller or greater weaknesses better. I am not at all supporting evil and definitely not the evil of abuse and violence in different forms, but I am saying that accepting, forgiving and then loving yourself is what helps you grow into love of others.
There is also a Divine love within and all around. This is the Beauty that saves us inspite of the evil we find within and without. Peace 
He is sitting in the deep forest
Looking at three big bookcases towering towards the sky
Suddenly the left bookcase starts trembling
It crashes head down into the forest’s floor making the other cases fall
He has escaped to this hill nearby
Just in time before great waves of water flood the place
The great bookcases are lost in the water
He escaped it together with her
They are standing there on this hill above the water
The water rises and suddenly currents overcome him
She is standing there as a pillar at the top of the hill
Not taken by the tumultuous waters
The currents and waves of water bring him to the side of the hill
And then down on the side
Down
Down
Down
At an ever increasing speed
She is still standing firmly on the hill
Waters all around but she is not overcome
He is lost down on the side
Brought down by a river of tremendous power
His world has fallen
Now only the deep waters know
What is to come
And what role she is to play
A wise man said, where your heart is, that’s where your treasure is. Ponder those words today. Think about, where is your heart? Where is your fear? Where is your joy? Even, who are you, really, deepest within?
Carl Jung said, where your fear is that’s where your task is. I believe sometimes our fear, our joy and our heart’s yearnings are closely knit together.
I remember as a teenager I was thinking deeply about the nature of man’s and my own heart. I asked myself, am I good or am I evil, deepest within. It was a difficult and painful question to ask. Especially when there were no wise guides around to discuss the question with me.
This idea of maybe being evil brought a lot of worry and anxiety into my life early on. I have spent much of my life figuring out the answer to this question. And fortunately I have met some wise guides on this difficult path. It took a while for me to realize that what had been dark in my life, would show me my path and my own heart.
Some of my guides were wise authors, other were people I met at different stages of my life. I thank God for bringing these guides, both in written form, and through friendships. Without these sharers of wisdom I would have been at a very different place today, yes, maybe even dead.
Growing up in the Pentecostal church has brought me both joys and scars. I am a person inclined to trust people, whether they are pastors, preachers, authors or friends. But of course this has meant being burnt many times. And yes, that is life, the pain of life.
Fortunately growing through my pain and sorrow, both through my own effort, and with a “little help from my friends” has helped me grow and transform. Now I don’t only hear a preacher talk about the love of God or The Divine. Now I do know it from my own experience.
We shouldn’t underestimate the power of experience, both the bad and the good experiences. Deep thinking and experience are powerful motors. Especially if these are combined with some good reading, good conversations, even pain and sorrow and eventually a bit of silence.
Readers of my blog have probably realised that I am a supporter and follower of the contemplative way, the way of sitting in silence with an intention. Being silent with the intention of letting thoughts rest, and being open to a deeper awareness have helped me connect to my deepest within.
And what have I found? Let med tell you, please read it slowly. This is the treasure I have found walking through my darkness, valleys and from sitting in silence:
This treasure is
Love
Yes, this treasure is
Love
Inside out! Yes, read it again!
This treasure is
Love
Now is a time for dreams unfolding
Thoughts and feelings unloading
It is a time for new visions
In fires and through darkness these seeds have grown
Former flowers were burnt to ashes
New seeds were sown
These seeds have grown into form
New visions for times to come
An unfolding of quiet glory
It is bliss transmuted from darkness
Bright darkness had blinded you
Yet now, your thorns have been removed
Your eyes have healed
And sight will return
It is no time to argue
It is no time to divide
It is no time to hide
It is no time to fight
Let us face it now
God is love
The one who loves is of God
In heart and in action
Let us not kill what we do not know
Let us not put on a mask just for show
Let it be and let be
Let love rise above
In my soul there is a room that opens doors into my eyes, body and senses. Often I sense a hushing of a wind. I also hear a quiet whisper of a beautiful voice.
Yet this is not all.
If I sit in a restful quietness these voices, hushings and whisperings turn into complete silence. Beautiful they are.
But now no thing is happening.
Everything waits.
As I sit.
In silence.
My senses, body and eyes grow accustomed to the silence.
Soon I rise and walk.
Out into this life of every thing.
Suddenly something starts rising within.
I almost feel like singing or jumping for joy.
Because everywhere I am looking and sensing I see and hear transferring and transforming from deepest within.
The beautiful singing of a thousand mornings.
I just started reading again today in Michael Singer’s follow-up book to the amazing The Untethered Soul. This second book is called Living Untethered, and seems to be just as full of wise nuggets of gold as the first book.
Some time ago I had this experience of being a watcher to and observer of the outside world. It was a difficult time in my life or about to come difficult at least. What I saw was that I was kind of outside the physical world, yet still there passing through as I was driving by some familiar places in my car. It was as me being there didn’t have an impact. Everything was happening whether I was there or not. An experience like this can bring forth sadness, still the experience was profound in its nature. Even though it felt like a dying at the time, it can later be seen from another perspective. It is this other perspective Martin Singer explains so well. That’s why I recommend reading his books so much.
The first title of this text that I later changed was “What the Mystic Sees”. I changed it because I want to express that this seeing is not something only a chosen few can see. Indeed, it is available for everyone. The mystical way is not some occult or obscure spiritual tradition. It is actually about seeing who you really are.
To me it has become clear partly by digesting the wisdom of Michael Singer’s books among others, and partly through my own experience. I will stress the last point, experience, it is of great importance. Do not underestimate your own experience! Some of you may have grown up in traditions or churches that didn’t value your own personal experience and reasoning. That is very dangerous.
So what did I find through my own personal experience and when do I experience this truth most clearly? Let me explain in just a few more words.
I have found through my own personal experience that in the deepest sense I am not my thoughts and feelings, I am something other. Singer would call it the Observer. Gary Zukav would call it the Seat of Self. I have found, like them that there is a huge difference between the personal ego and the deepest observing self. The example from my life I mentioned earlier was more of an observer’s experience than an ego personal experience, or maybe it was an experience of both.
Do you see it too? I am sure you have had this experience of time standing still, and just being in the moment, forgetting both thoughts and feelings? That’s what I am talking about. I am so happy I have experienced this truth because it frees me to live more in peace, and even more confidently since you go from a tendency to trust instead of having fear.
So how to experience this as a more continual experience? This is where contemplation and silence come in. Some people practice sitting in silence for some minutes every day. Some call it Centering prayer (Thomas Keating), and practice 20 minutes of silence twice daily. Whatever you do, if you want to experience more of this other Self, I do believe we at least need to practice some silence, reading, reflecting, yet also even go for hikes in nature. It is in nature we often experience these beautiful and transcending moments of time standing still.
One last point I would like to make is that once you have crossed the line and live more in this mystical way, it will actually be easier to be you, both in your ego and in soul. When you realize deeply that feelings and thoughts are not all you are, and even maybe not what you truly are, it will get easier to work on and with your ego, so your ego can become the best version of itself and more useful to you. You may notice critical feedback will hurt you less, because there is not really your deepest self that is hurt, but your personal ego. Do you see it? I promise, it makes a world of difference if you do!
Recommended first reading: The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.
Today I am thinking about the desperate need for wise teachers, instead of blind preachers. Growing up in the Pentecostal movement in Norway has given me good things, but also a lot of wounds and bad things. The good thing is the focus on the Holy Spirit and joy. Bad things are a negative view on the human soul and the world. I have had to do a lot of painful relearning and reconstruction in my now soon 50 years on this Earth.
I remember one Pentecostal preacher preaching to a big congregation, we are all zeros!! But, he said, Jesus is a number one, so with him we are a million! Outrageous, I thought in my then literal thinking teenager mind, and confronted this preacher with is terrible lowlife preaching. Why do you preach so negatively about God’s beloveds I asked him. His sad, and even only answer, was, I guess that’s how I often feel, like a zero. To me this is a good example of the blind preaching I am talking about. You are zeros, because I, your pastor, feels that way. Wow!!
Instead of the message above, a wise teaching could be, Jesus is one, because he was one with God, and so are you. When you feel like a lowlife, you should know, this is not how God feels and thinks about you. He loves you, never leaves you and He/She/They lives/live within you. As the Celtics even say, our not soul in our body, but even our body is in the Soul! Amen!!
I am very thankful for the wise teachers and guides that I have met on my path and in my search in the wilderness and even despair. Henri Nouwen was one of them. I fed on his books, and remember the very small but important book, The Inner Voice of Love. Wow, what I message, what a healing! He even wrote a book called Wounded Healer, another great blessing.
I could also mention other wise guides like Michael Singer, and his The Untethered Soul, and Richard Rohr and his Everything Belongs (the title itself says it all!) and Falling Upward. In Falling Upward Rohr shares his vision in a distilled form, about the second journey in life. Also, let us not forget his important inspiration, the spiritual psychoanalyst Carl Jung.
So, instead of many more details today, I leave you with this important note: seek out some of the wise teachers with the honest, transformational message and wisdom. And step away from blind preachers that only pull you down and hurt you. Yes, step away and seek soul. You’ll truly know it when you find food freeing to your soul.
Since I believe in contemplation I also lean on grace and surrender to the mystical way. So do some reading, sit in silence and surrender to the Love and Guidance you have within. Bless you!
Sunday morning
Alone at the cottage
Alone with myself
God and the wind
Got here last night
Tired and frustrated
Discouraged
I have wounded and been wounded
Had some baggage with me
Very tired
Feeling accused
Need to sort these feelings out
Longing for connection
Feeling betrayed and criticized
Not able to live up to others’ expectations
Neither my own
Longing for friendship
Fellowship
Space to breathe in
A need for passion
For now I am in hiding
From everyone and everything
Yet not from God
Not from myself
Tears build up and escape
In waves
I sense a change
Maybe I am just getting more tired
Some people prefer speed and action
To me relationships come first
Some people love the doing
I am more into human being
I hear the wind howling
It is raining
The Fall has fallen
I am ready to pray
I cry out to the Lord
My God and Creator
The One who loves me
Calls me their Beloved
You my God
I thank you because you see
You see us in our existence
You see us in our wilderness
You experience our joy
Our pain
Longing and sorrow
Allways there
I live with You
You live in me
I breathe your life
My innermost is You
In our deepest longing
You are there
Deep within us
And all around
You who lives in all
Given us all your life
I call upon you
Longing to be near you
The rain is hammering
Good to be inside
Alone
Yet together
My God is here
The Divine
My all my life
My call
I desire guidance
To live from within
I am ready
Now
The rain stops
It is silent
Very silent
I am in the waiting
I am sitting here all prepped and ready
Ready for a presentation about the English-speaking-world
I am in survival mode
This is my ego show
*
It is one of many tests
Tests to help my ego consolidate and grow
I am all in for it now
Ready – go
*
Little do I yet know
This is only a necessary show
Before the greater exam
Which is yet come
*
It will come later
At a time I am ready
This is no joke
No fun time, no show
*
Yet I must learn
That my ego must burn
This exam will feel like dying
But I will strike gold
A mystic is like an open room
An open room where experience can happen
The key to this open room is surrender in silence
Surrender to Spirit
Spirit fills this open room
The open room of a mystic
I deeply desire to live with God
To be a communicator and teacher of a good and lifegiving message
I believe God sees the heart
At least I choose to believe
Discouragement and loneliness can set in
It is a fact that I am no more special
No more special for God than others
He/She who loves all and the whole of creation
The longing to be special can be traced back to my childhood
The fear and restlessness and longing from back then
What shall I do
Receive myself accept myself value myself
Then trust the road to open up
Along with each step I take
I am contemplating living from the center. By center I mean living from your true self as some like to call it. You may also call it the Seat of Self. It is the center were mystics of all religions and spiritual traditions meet. This center is what helps me “see” that I as a Christian have a lot in common with a Sufis and a Kabbalists. Even though there are many things I don’t know about those other traditions.
I think it is very helpful for people at different stages in their lives to truly see and find their center. This center which can be found within us, is something other than our ego, thoughts and feelings. The more we live from this center and “look out” from it, the more we realise what’s important in our lives and relationships. When we relate to ourselves in this way, it helps us accept and relate to others and the world in a calmer and more genuine and even forgiving way.
I have chosen this image above for many reasons. First of all, and reason enough in itself, was that I found it very beautiful. Secondly, I liked the way the flower was darker on its edges and brighter in the center. It works as a symbol for the spiritual life, yes even as a symbol for the human life. Living through our darkness reveals to us more and more what we need to see to truly live from our hearts, our deepest selves.
Living in the darkness of one of those flower petals can be a terrible experience. The petal is great as well, so can the dark times be. For some these darker times become dark nights of senses and the soul, as John of the Cross wrote so fervently about.
In Buddhism I believe there are expressions like bright darkness or luminous darkness. And even as a Christian I think that is a beautiful description. What seems to be the darkest of night may reveal healing truths so night is transformed into the brightest of day. After the deepest darkness there can be an experience of great light, even joy and bliss.
I believe that if more people started to practice sitting in silence or for example practice centering prayer, they would eventually find and see the beautiful truth of living from center, or living from a different center than we normally do. That is, living from our deepest Self, which is Love, instead of our ego and very often reactive feelings and thoughts.
If you were to lay aside the thoughts and feelings stirring for a few minutes in silence during your day, this may be very difficult, but yet you may also be in for a beautiful surprise. But beware, you may have to pass through long stretches of darkness, sorrow and pain, to find this bright shining Light! For the darkness is always luminous. Blessings to you on your journey!
I have been thinking about aging today. In times of all plastic surgery and the desperate attempt to stay forever young, it is really wise to find the deeper truth. And realize that life is a journey, a process of change both outside and within.
The change within from ego to spirit, transforms some to be at their most beautiful when they’re bodily wrinkled and worn. To truly embrace aging, must be a profound truth.
Very often the ego fears its change of position so much, that some are not set free before they die, I guess. To contemplate and see this on this side of forever is what truly frees us while still alive and able to live our lives to the fullest.
I wonder if this is just up to people themselves to see, if they ever will see it, or whether some should sow seeds and point people in the “right” direction? I guess there are differences between teaching, preaching, guiding, counseling and showing?
I have been thinking that maybe having a voice in this world often means not words or speaking, but rather a “voice” of (spiritual) practices, walking, showing and all this that truly embodies Life from its beautiful, and even “dark” center within ourselves.
I just wished more people would or could see this reality, and be set free from illusion, so we could be ignited and united now, in a quenching of the loneliness that still grabs me/us at times living in these bodily forms and temples. Bless!
You see when life hurts a lot
You see when I grieve
Grieving over the time that has been, and that cannot come back
When I have no strength and cannot fight anymore, you carry me
That I must believe
You see when what once gave meaning and joy, does not do so anymore
What was worth spending time on before, has lost its shine
You see the pain, the pain of life
You see how the heart bursts of longing
Longing for you and for love
You see when tears come
You see when tears press on and begins flowing
You see longings, loss and pain
You see when I need to breathe
You see when something must die
You see, I am not alone
You see the way I and we should walk
You see where we started and you see where it leads
You see my face, my eyes, my soul
You see me in my innermost
You see my heart
You see when I try to explain, and others do not understand the way I walk
You see when I want to convince, but cannot
You see what no one else sees
You see the depths, you see my soul
You see the soul that wants to break boundaries and breathe in freedom
You see when life needs more nourishment through friendship, fellowship and shared thoughts and ideas
You see when one wants what is experienced as meaningful
And hopes the other can find more joy in some of it
You see when what is for freedom and peace for one, creates fear in the other one
You see the one who thinks one has got something, and the other who is afraid of losing something
To find something one must be able to lose something or embrace and at the same time include
You see it hurts when the other says one cannot follow you on the way
You see when I think I have to go alone
You see the hearts that want what’s good for others and themselves
You see the hearts in their every thing
You see and love what and who you see
Face to face you love
You see us as we are
Still you love us
You see me when I’m about to fall asleep
When another day is over and a new day soon will be welcomed
You see, so that it brings light to our hearts and souls
Your gaze can warm us when love has little room
You see everything
You see it as it is
That’s just how it is
Your gaze of love never leaves me
Anger burn
Anger burn
Burn slowly
Within me
Anger burn
Anger burn
I need to learn
Not afraid
To be
Anger burn
Anger burn
In you is light
Freedom
Clarity
Come
Keeping a journal can be a good thing, both as a helpful tool in your own processes and also as words and sentences to reread later, when you have moved on, and understand your writing from a new and different perspective.
In rereading my own journals I some times find nuggets of wisdom and also description of a life I later see that I have grown through.
In particularly difficult times when the road ahead is very unclear, when the struggle in a day is almost to hard to bear, that’s when I become poetic. I guess it’s because poetic language is open, there is more of of imagination and feelings than clarity of mind.
Later, in rereading some of these more poetic reflections and wanderings, I find glimpses of poems, words and sentences that now speak to me in another, deeper and also clearer way. What I earlier only got in glimpses and wrote in imaginative and poetic language, I am now more able to describe in precise prose.
The reason it’s a different experience looking back and reread old words and poems journaled in dark times, is because life now tells me I made it through. What a blessing that is, when you see that the dark times, no matter how dark they were, brought forth new light in your life! This is because the difficult days were times of transformation.
The next few poems and posts that I will share in the days to come, will be some glimpses from some of these darker times. I share them in the hope they may speak to your heart as well, since in being human we often share the same or similar experience.
It would warm my heart if you would share at times which words express something you are going through or have experienced. I would love to hear from some of my readers in the days to come. And please, if there is something in particular you find to your liking, please share the post with some of your friends. I hope the future posts will be small blessings to some people out there, in the big and often lonely world we all live in. Be blessed.
In order to experience the joy
you need to accept the sadness
In order to be filled you need
to know you are empty
Lost outside
Not the way
The Sacred within
Has always been
Yet also is
Let outside rest
Reach within
To find
Be found
The Sacred within
Is it not true? That there is a season for everything as the Old Book tells us? Everything is continually changing and transforming. Life is flowing in dynamical ways. And you and I and we get to partake in this eternal flow of life. It is tricky, it is sad, it is so full of grief, yet so full of longing, joy, beauty and creativity.
The winter time, in real life and spiritually too, can be a dark and cold time, a time of hiding in the quietness. Yet also, this time of coldness and dying, is a preparation, a silent growing of new lifeflow. There can be great pain in the dying which is part of a new creation.
I love the story of the prodigal son in the New Testament, particularly the phrase, ‘then he came to himself’. Dying and renewal is painful, but also a transformation into new ways of seeing. This deep dive into dark mystery can create a new sense of aliveness and a deeper joy.
But again, the grief, the pain can be very dark. It can feel like all hope is lost. You feel lost at sea, with no shore in sight. I am reminded by Paul’s blindness after the bright revelation of Jesus on the road to Damascus. He could not see for several days. But there was a divine working taking place deep within him. This was not a time for his ordinary senses, only a time for transformational blindness.
Somewhere in the prophet book of Isaiah it is said that God will tell us secrets in the dark times. Maybe in days of darkness we are divinely blinded? You may feel like you shut down for a time, but is it only for change and renewal to take hold?
Does this make sense to you? Do you believe in change and transformation? Can you trust that along with the pain there is also a rebirth of new life? Could it be that when our eyes eventually are opened we are in for a great surprise?
Blessings to you!
The Dove above
Is there to show
He is The Beloved One
This Dove is Love
*
The Dove above
Is there to let you know
You are the beloved
This Dove is Love
*
The Dove above
Is there to say when one goes
One will be with the Beloved
This Dove is Love
*
The Dove above
Is there to help us see
Humanity is one in the Beloved
This Dove above
Is Love
I pray to love deeper
I pray Love will grow wider
I pray to know real love for all
In truth, this is my true desire
This I know
Rest
I am loved
I am held
I am known
I am listening
and
I have surrendered
myself
to
Self
this is my
rest
As my heart opens
In widening circles
I see more
The beauty of creation
In ever widening circles
My soul senses
The flame
Of a lovingkindness
It is befriending me
In widening circles
This is the deepest love
Yet I hunger for more
In ever widening circles
Forever and ever
This Love is
For all
Inspired by Rilke
What can you hold on to
when you are shaking inside?
What can you hold on to
when your heart is trembling?
The only thing you long for
is to be received when
you fall…
What if I tell you there is hope, there is always hope? Would you blame me for just conveying the biggest cliché? The all-time-high lie that we tell people when they’re suffering and can’t find their way through the wilderness of sorrow? But what if, what if it is true?
The worrying monkey-mind often keeps repeating these terrible and fear inspiring “what ifs”. What if this is what he thinks of me? What if I am going to die from an awful disease? What if the plane falls down? What if I won’t pass this exam? What if I am going to loose my job? What if I can’t find help for my problem? What if there is no goodness in this world? What if, what if, what if….constantly repeating.
Another cliché is, yes, I have been there too. Like that’s very comforting in the middle of the deepest pain? And maybe it’s just something people say anyway to give others some false comfort, or even in order to turn the focus on themselves when the other person is the one truly suffering? But again, what if it’s true?
What if there is hope? What if I have been there? What if I’ve been to this really dark place where I had no hope of returning to the living? Would you believe me if I told you about it? Would it be an important message to you if you are the one now that has gone all dark?
I am telling you, whispering softly and shouting loudly again, THERE IS HOPE!! Yes, I’ve been there, and yes, I have returned, even though I didn’t think it was possible. I gave up everything, but something brought me deeply back to life. Back to colors and back to the joy of living.
Now I am sensing this energy breaking barriers within, and this river flowing again from within to without. Now I want to express myself and share the good news! If you will listen, dear, beloved, of God. There is hope! There is I way through! I know some of you don’t think so. I did too. But was surprised by the help I found. Reach out, and next maybe to your complete surprise, you’ll find new life from within and all around.
Blessings and new light to you, as you journey true your deep pain and darkness. There will be light again! There is hope! Always!
PS! Reading other posts on this blog, may partly help you find your way. This blog has followed me through later life, and what I share here is mostly from my own experience or inner longing.
Earlier I have written posts called Love First and Love Now. Now I have to write a post called Love Last. This is probably for some the most controversial of the three posts, since it communicates an inclusive view on the afterlife and eternity. So if you want to hold on to your traditional view of Heaven and Hell, or if you would like not to be provoked, read no further. And for the rest, keep your minds and hearts open.
We have heard that the Christian message is the Gospel, also called the Good News. Now in my later years after going through valleys of darkness, the thinking, reading, listening and rethinking has brought me out into an open landscape of, in my view, truly good news.
Karl Forehand, a friend of mine and an author of several books, and among them the book Apparent Faith, asks the question, can God’s love be any less than the parent’s love for his child? The point is that a parent would do anything for his/her child and never give them up or leave them for good. Why would God leave people for good and let them go to a place called hell? A parent would never do that. Why our Creator?
Let’s get things out of the way, I do not believe in hell as a place in the afterlife anymore. I believe there are enough hellish experiences and suffering in people’s lives and in our world. Going to hell for an eternity (eternity!!) makes no sense. And heaven for just a few chosen faithful people, is that truly heaven Off course both Karl and I are only trying to find answers that make sense, and off course we do not have “God’s mind” and understanding. So we can’t claim we get it right 100 percent. But some would not even want to work with the question, and some would rather hide behind the biblical phrase, “God works in mysterious ways”.
I already mentioned Apparent Faith by Karl Forehand. Another good read is Love Wins by Rob Bell. I think Rob has the same message in Love Wins, that I try to communicate in this post, Love Last. I would also say, for the Gospel to be truly good news, it must be good news for all, it must be all inclusive. Love must win in the end. I do think Richard Rohr’s book The Universal Christ also speaks about this.
I say, we are created by love first, to live our lives in love now, and early (for some too early) or late we will find rest in eternal love at last! People and the Bible talk about the good road to be a small road. But what if this small road actually is very wide, if we only had a change of heart and understanding? I will not go into details here in this small text, but also remind us all, of the words of Jesus, “In my Father’s house there are many rooms”.
Off course not everyone chooses the path of love in this earthly life. There are many reasons and explanations for that. And there’s only one Judge. Yet, can you imagine being judged by the Lover of Souls?
If there’s any truth to going to a spiritual reality in the afterlife and for an eternity, I do think people also somehow choses their direction after death. And for those now living a life in pain, of evil and destruction, why would they not choose or search for love and restoration in the spiritual realm? Would a God of Love really close the door for all eternity? Sorry, if this makes you think, I am lost and far gone. I feel safe that I am not, and that’s enough for me.
I believe we are eternal souls and the bodies are our huts. Our deepest selves are also the Spirit of Love and of God. This Spirit will, at least when it freely can, and when it is released from our decaying bodies, travel back to the Loving Source it came from.
Love first, Love now, Love last, I do believe this is for all of us. Yes, it is all inclusive! Yes, the Bible even talks about a new heaven and a new earth, a great recreation. So salvation is not only for you and me, but for all, even for the whole Earth and the whole of creation. The Colossians talks about everything (every single thing!) coming together in Christ! This for me, is the good news. This gives me hope. This casts out fear of living and fear of death. It is true freedom! I truly believe in a loving Creator or even Creational Energy loving us all. This love is as the Bible talks about, strong enough for a earthly life, but also even stronger than death.
Last I would add that coming to these thoughts and conclusions in such a way that I can see this as the Truth I believe in, has not been an easy road. Still, I do believe it is a road from fear to love. It also is a road into freedom and the joy of living now and with a real hope for the future. It’s like the the prodigal son coming to his senses and knowing he had always belonged to this his Loving Father. It is the greatest news for all! All you truly need is love, and love is first, and it is now and yes, it even is the last there is and will forever be!
Blessings!
Today I am thinking about the beautiful word ‘union’. For me this word has a deep meaning. First and foremost I have my whole life longed for a union with God and truth. I do believe this longing for union with the Divine, is in the heart of every man, whether we acknowledge it or not. I also believe we all, regardless of faith or beliefs, experience smaller and greater unions throughout life. In my mind I picture union being a giving and sharing of love.
A giving and sharing of love is not dependent on wisdom or faith. The only prerequisite is being human and being able to be vulnerable and open at times. If we are to experience union with something or someone, there has to be an openness towards the experience. Also an openness and acceptance towards ourselves first and then others second.
Since union and loving union is about giving we need to know what we give. In order to give from ourselves, we need to know something true about ourselves, accept ourselves and love aspects of ourselves.
Union is beautiful, it is a giving and sharing of love, a giving and receiving between at least two persons or a person and beauty of some kind. Union is seeing your own beauty so clearly that you enjoy sharing it with someone or something other beautiful. Again, this is dependent on acceptance and the gift of vulnerability.
A good friendship is an example of an union. The closest friendship and deepest union, can only develop through openness and daring to be vulnerable. A deep friendship between humans, or humans and animals for that matter, can be a symbol of the deepest union man can experience in life, and eventually in death, the union with God, the All-loving One.
Looking at the image above makes me think of people and different aspects of life as smaller or bigger rivers. The rivers are always flowing, always alive, either wildly or softly, but always moving. Since rivers are about movement, it is always a continual giving of life. All the smaller rivers can join the bigger river or lake and then become rivers again, before they are back again. All are part of this union, this never-ending circle of beautiful life.
Maybe you are not with me on this whole vision, but please follow me on this. You are a river of beautiful and vulnerable love moving towards others and other things, desiring acceptance and union. And do remember, in order to unite, we must love and accept ourselves. Only then can you give yourself and receive the other in true union. Now, are you ready for a reunion!?
Love was First
Love is Now
It is what you long for
To be
Aflame with Love
#
Love is Eternal
Eternal Is Now
All around
Without
And within
#
No Barrier
No Barricade
No Borders
Love is
All there truly Is
#
Love
Deepest Desire
Deepest Well
Everlasting
Everflowing
#
Infinite Love
Embrace it
Be embraced by it
Surrounded
Fills every Crack
#
No need to Lack
Open Hearts
Open Souls
For Spiritual
True Love
You have probably heard it said, you are loved through Christ. Since Jesus paid the price you may walk free. You say, amen hallelujah, thank God for His love and sacrifice. God hates sin, but now, by His grace and because of Jesus on the cross, He can now look at me, accept me and love me. All this because Jesus became the perfect offering. When God looks at me, He sees the Lamb of God. God loves you in and through Christ. Surprisingly I am asking you if this message can in fact be harmful? How can this message really limit your self love, self respect and then your love for your neighbour? When the message is that God can’t love you if it wasn’t for Christ, there may a problem.
Yet, the Bible also tells us to love God and man, in the same way we love ourselves. But do you really, truly love yourself? Self love is a bit of a taboo, and often looked upon as egotistical. But what if it is crucial before all the other fruits of the Spirit to grow is that you begin with love, love for self, love for God. Can you see that if God can look at you only through Christ, he is not looking at you at all!? And how can you love yourself alone, if God needs Jesus to do so? But what if Love came first? Love for creation, and Love for you, since you are a unique part of it?
Genesis explains that God created life and everything. He breathed His very Spirit into us through our nostrils. This is how you became alive, God breathed is Spirit of Life and Love into you. Now this Spirit flows from your within. That’s the Good News! God loves you from within!! You have this River of Love within you!
Remember, Genesis also tells us that God’s creation was good, and even when man was created God said it was very good. Can you say that to yourself, I am very good!? Can you truly say that? Isn’t that what God is saying? Humans are the greatest in my creation, it is the crown? Is that how you look upon yourself, God’s crown? If God was asked, show me what you are most proud of and fond of, when it comes to your artistry, your creation, what would the Divine say? Wouldn’t He point His finger in your and other people’s direction and say, YOU!?
God loves you, He, She, the Trinity, They love you! In 2.Peter it even says that we are partakers in the Divine Nature! How can that be? These news, are almost too good to be true! And isn’t that the surprise of grace, it is almost too good to be true? But that is if we think in our human way. That God loves us and looks upon us as very good, is God’s true perspective. Love always comes first! But wait, you say, you are only telling half truths, your missing the greater picture. You, say, man is sinful, and every evil desire lurks within man. God hates sin, but loves sinners/humans.
I ask you, does God only love what is perfect? And does God need someone perfect to die, to love us? Whatever God did, He did it because He already loved us, right? Still, maybe we are the ones that need this scapegoat? Do we need someone to put the blame on, so we don’t have to face our own sin and darkness? I am not saying man is all light. I know that for sure, just by looking into my own heart. But I am saying we need to get the start right, for you, for me, for our children, for everyone.
God loves mankind, He LOVES you and He loves His creation. It is His pride! With this Love He breathed Life into your very within, before you were sent into this world to live your unique life, the best way you can.
I ask you to sit for a few moments in silence. Ask yourself, do I love myself, in the same way God loves me, His crown, His masterpiece? Then let yourself sink into His love, a Love that embraces you in your completeness (goodness and badness), in order to free you into true self love and love for others.
It is there for you, the River within, the River of Love.
Love first, always…
Are you a listener and likes to be read to – go here to find an audioversion of this text:
Note: If you are interested in the topic of scapegoating books by René Girard may be of interest. Poems of Rainier Rilke are also great, and even his book “Letters to a young poet”. Last, but not the least, I would recommend reading Richard Rohr’s books, i.e. Fallling Upward and Immortal Diamond. Even though I don’t quote any of these authors directly, I think I am indebted to them.
“Everybody hurts” is a well-known and popular song by REM. I guess one reason is that it resonates with most people one way or the other. We all hurt, we all have been hurt, and we also hurt other people. It is a circle where many spend much of their time and life.
We all need to experience love. And the less attention and love we were shown in our early days, the more we crave it when we’re older. No wonder the Christian focus on the Father heart of God is very popular both in preaching and reading. Most of us have been wounded by our parents slightly or deeply. And I guess very often the father is most lacking in love and acceptance. This partly because the feminine and nurturing side of men has been less embraced and therefore less developed. It’s not only the women who have suffered in a patriarchal society.
But okey, we are all wounded, so what can we do about it? I believe we need more love, acceptance and healing. If we open our eyes and realise how wound driven we are in our actions, it is possible to experience a deeper satisfaction, not only through the love of a Higher Father, but through the experience of self love. Self love has a bad reputation, and sadly, because it quiet different from self worship.
It is therefore paramount that our suffering and craving, leads us on a road through our blindness. The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence, especially when what we’re looking for is the love we lacked in our childhood.
Before we can bring the deepest and purest love and healing to others we often need to love and heal ourselves. This process consists of developing an acceptance and love for ourselves, and at the same time a realization that we are deeply loved by the Love that gave us life.
This healing I am pointing too, has no easy route. But a good way to start is to take a deep look at your wounds. Not to fall into the wounds and drown, but sense your wounds enough for you to be able to both grieve, forgive and accept them. This involves forgiving others, but very often also, since you may be quite grown up when you truly see this, it also includes forgiving yourself. I guess many we will be in this process for much of their lives, if they want to grow in love. Still, at first, it’s important to start, to embrace more and more of the pain, so you may grow through so much of it that you become free enough to be of more help to others, instead of clinging to people and things for love and acceptance. You may even become a much needed wounded healer as Henri Nouwen wisely wrote about, and the love grown out of wounds eventually becomes a gift to this often hurting world.
We need to come to our senses and to ourselves, as the prodigal son also had to do, in order to direct his life towards the great Source of Love again. And like this lost son, we often get lost in craving love from things and people, that cannot give us what we now must give ourselves, and what we also must receive from our Mother, Father God. A Divine presence that waits for and even chases us from around and from the deepest parts of our souls.
Ask yourself today, what drives your actions the most today? Is it the lack of contentment and a need for lost love, or have you walked the valley of grief and forgiveness, and come out of it, with a new or renewed selflove? At least, stop blaming and pulling yourself down. What you have not received, you cannot pass on. Those wise words I leave you with, and at last an important reminder: You are loved ❤️
Open my heart wide, so I may see
Open my heart wide, so I may let go
Open my heart wide, so I may know
You, my Lover and Love
Help me bow down deeply, so I may drink
Help me stretch far, so I may pluck
Help me sit down quietly, so I may dine
Last, help me walk gently, so I may bless
Through You in me, my Lover and Love
Elafonisi summer
At the beach yesterday I witnessed the image above of stones and overflowing waters. Tumultuous waves were overcoming solid ground. Rohr (Falling Upwards, great book!) speaks and talks about a lever to stand. The lever is needed at different times in our lives. Some times outer pressure or inner turmoil are overwhelming. It feels like drowning.
I’ve been through times like the mentioned above on several occasions. Last not so long ago. I lost my zest for life and had no drive or motivation. It felt like I was overcome and lost, as in my last poem here, “I gave up and gave in”.
If you have read the whole poem though you have realized I have yet to draw my last breath, and gracefully things ended on a good note. I am meant to live and there’s still meaning and renewed meaning to be found in life, mine included. But for a long time it felt like the image above. Out of control, with no escape in going through the pain and darkness. Part of the reason for my troubles were great grief in my life, since I have slowly been losing my mother to early dementia. There has been other things too, among those an earnest search for truth and the deep desire for love and union with Spirit.
So if you’re experiencing grief and outer and/or more inner turmoil, know that I have been there. Hell is not a place in a God-willed afterlife. God’s love is for all, it upholds us all, whether we recognize it or not. Hell is also at times circumstances here on Earth, whether it is outer war and suffering, or inner turmoil and loneliness deep within. Fortunately, at the same time, heaven, God, God’s kingdom are also here on Earth, all around us and deep within each and everyone. This includes you, no exceptions. I also do believe with Rob Bell, that Love Wins (book recommended!). If that makes me an universialist, I am guilty of the “heresy”.
The Spirit of Christ lives within us and our bodies groan for freedom and union for eternity. Happily, this is something to be embraced and experienced in the now, if only in glimpses. Can you sense your inner Spirit calling you? Are you overwhelmed by the life you have lived so far? Maybe what we need when there is no solid ground to be found, is a surrender to the great vast Ocean? At least a surrender to the River within that Jesus spoke of to the Samaritan woman.
Now I dream of new projects and a future for contemplation in my country and across the globe. I connect with what Rahner supposedly has said, that the future Christian is a mystic. I truly believe that. I want to be among them. I do think more and more people will see and find the path of contemplation. Nothing else than contemplating the mystery of the Divine and beholding and experiencing its beauty can satisfy our hunger. Would you like to join me on this often messy but also blessed journey?
Blessings on your day and your further travel – never forget you truly are the beloved of the Great Lover! Even more, when darkness leaves you blinded.
Forgotten my way
Pressured from all sides
No escape this time
Had to die again
Die from old self
Shed my skin
Agonizing
Vulnerable
Terror
Gave up
Gave in
Lost and rotting
Slowly woke
Lost Light found
Eyes opened
Now
One
I Am
In the English language, there is a distinction made between belief and faith, belief in a particular doctrine or deeper trust. We probably need both, but I find more rest and wider horizons in trust. Then my life is less limited to what I believe, and more a liberating flow of life that my heart opens and surrenders to. This is a trust in a Creative Love first, creation and people second.
A friend once said to me, “all you need is to wonder”. I do believe it is important to wonder about life, be curious and to ask questions. As I grow older, I sometimes think I know less and less. At the same time, I believe in what Jesus said, you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free. But again, what is really true or really the truth? Maybe the a truth is that there is so much we will not know on this side of eternity, that by accepting that as true, this will lead to us the experience of greater freedom in life?
Still, I do believe we need silence and contemplation in our lives in order to find truth, in ourselves, in our relations and experiences. So many of us are running from one thing to another. So many of us spend hours upon hours in front of screens, whether it is the computer screen, mobile or tv. It is so easy to become trapped and addicted, if we don’t make the extra effort to choose wisely how we spend our time.
A teacher once said that young people today can’t concentrate for longer than the duration of a Tik-Tok-video. This may be an extreme statement, but it is also partly true. We probably have to accept that the world has become a lot more digital, and of course digital tools can be helpful, and they have also helped us especially in these Corona times. But I do believe we are in danger of partly losing our souls and becoming more superficial if we don’t take the time just BEING without too many distractions, and if we don’t prioritize to spend time in silence and contemplation.
To be continued…
I love You
You are my Creator
Giver of life and breath
Creator of my spirit
Giver of Spirit
Great Mystery
You dwell in the ground of my being
In my innermost heart
Your Spirit meets my spirit
They become one
Great Marvel
This union
Open my inner vision
So I can see
Poem slightly inspired by the story of the Mount of Transfiguration.
Rest
Early morning
Got up to rest
Away from the stress
Alone with myself
Pressure from all sides
Heaviness within
Tiredness in face
Sorrow in heart
Would rather escape
This pain arising
Too much to handle
Too much to care
Sipping my coffe
Clearing my mind
Still ready to give up
No desire to drink this cup
Alone with The Alone
Here I am again
Forgotten my way
Yet the I Am is here
Trust in spite of pain
When death feels like freedom
That Love soon again
Will shine like the Son
Please note: This poem is not an encouragement to give up on life, rather an anknowledgment of how painful and stressful life can be. The poem also communicates the belief in love and hope in the life we are living. If you are experiencing very difficult times please reach out to someone you can trust and/or ask for professional help. Remember, there is always a way through so we must and can keep living our lives ❤️
My faith in a God that for His own sake needed to be satisfied by blood because of his holiness, is far gone! Yes, Christ died for our sins, but not because God needed this. But because we needed a revelation of Love and a pathway to help us become transformed through Love in the experience of our sins and weaknesses.
The revelation of Love tells us: “Let’s be done with scapegoating and sacrifice. Let’s be done with it once and for all. Be free to love yourself, the Divine Creator and others. “I am” is the final sacrifice not so God can love us, but so we can love ourselves.
More than dying for our sins, Christ died “because” of our sins and because of our human need for revenge, scapegoating and quid pro qou. Christ is the final scapegoat!
The All-loving Divine is telling us: “Please look upon the final sacrifice and receive it in your inner being. Now your sacrifice is needed no more, neither do you need to let anyone else pay for your sins. Actually, a sacrifice of blood has never been needed for Me to see you, love you and accept you! “I am” accepted you when you were created and you were blessed from the beginning.
And further: “Christ dying and resurrecting is both an incident in time, and an “incident” in the Eternal Now, happening again, again and forever.
And finally: “You have always been loved, blessed and forgiven! Christ died to set you free, to help you forgive yourself, so that forgiveness and love can help you to become transformed in your inner being.
He died and rose again to free you to live life abundantly! Do you get it? Do you get it?”
Is this bad theology or the Great Truth and The Truly Good News?
I believe in a Truth that says: You are eternally accepted by Love, the beloved loved by The Beloved.
Sadness within
Takes you low
Irritation from small things
What is hiding deep below the surface
Sorrow within
Takes you low
Feelings of uncertainty
What is hiding deep below the surface
Despair within
Takes you low
A hunger for eyes to have seen
What was barely beneath the surface
A Contemplative Life 